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Mohammed Nouf™
Thank you to all my Followers that they re such a nice people! I sincerely wish you all the best, follow ur dreams and may God bless you all
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I hate it when I want a snack and end up pulling up a chair to eat directly out of the refrigerator.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
[first date] Bartender: What can I get for ya? Her: Just a water. Me: I think it's best we both move on.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
@fluffy_boi you're a really good boy and now already man, my bro, so just wanted to wish you the best of luck in life and may God bless you!
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An app said I look 26 but my aunt said I look like a homeless teen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Never do business with a giraffe, you can never quite see eye to eye with them
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If I made a vision board, it would just be pics of wine, lip gloss, comfy beds and dirty laundry piles.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Seriously guys, you are way more fun than my LinkedIn connections. And I mean that.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Real friends don't answer your phone calls
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If people weren't so outgoing I wouldn't even seem lazy.
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Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, that’s 90 million miles apart so how do you know it was me in your bushes
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There's worse things in the world than blocks of cheese falling out of your fridge.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
When the internet explodes there's going to be bullshit EVERYWHERE.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Twitter should have a poke button that looks like a penis.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Employee: You confuse me. Me: No honey, that's all you.
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Can someone with laser eyes please heat up my coffee?
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These days I can never tell if a guy is hot, or the ravaged ghost of a Civil War soldier.
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Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Everyone has a dark chocolate side.
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I'm kind of afraid of women. But in my defense, I grew up in a time when they were hiring hitmen in figure skating and cutting off penises.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
"Avengers, assemble!" was a much better choice than "hey guys, what time do you want to meet up? Is 10am good?"
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Indian wife snskaro wali hoti h sbke samne pati ko "Abe Gadhe" "Oye Gadhe" "Sun Gadhe" nhi bolti. Wo short me "A.G. / O.G./ Suno G" Kehti h😜
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Aankhon ko yu bnd krke..... Dheeme dheeme ginn ginn k.... Dhundo hame hum hain kahan...;-))
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I want to melt into you like cheese on nachos.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
"Honey, remember our first date?""Awh, are you planning something for Valentine's?""No, I forgot my password. It's the security question."
Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?
He died in the bath trying to make a YouTube video entitled 'Aqua-Toast'.
If you're going to call people who aren't yet born "the unborn" then you have to call people who aren't yet dead "the undead"
I wish someone would give me some money for doing nothing.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Put me on a pedestal so I can kick you in the face.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
At the club: Me: Do you want to come back to my place and "watch Netflix"? *gets to bedroom* I hope you like The Princess Diaries
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If we cannot now end our differences; at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
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The soul of conversation is sympathy.
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Being rude is still the best way to keep yourself single.
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Please Please Please don't be a bitch to me i'll have to be a bitch back and you know I can do it better than you
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Fairy tales. ..a escape we designed for the young ones to ruin lives as adults with hope of ideal....scenarios
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Always swinging between sleeping too much and not enough.
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A man without a vision for his future always returns to his past.
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I want to spend the rest of my life laughing!
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A beautiful person will always see beauty in others.
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My super power is keeping the waist of my jeans, ABOVE my underwear.
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If you need me I'll be over here trying to make my cell phone cordless.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I might never be what you imagined, but I can be less than that.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
He who has the most power: - the bartender when you need a drink
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I'm pretty sure this all went wrong when I sent my first tweet
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
It's so rude when people ask me what I did all day, like simply breathing isn't enough.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™