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Mohammed Nouf™
Share your smile. Share your laughter. Share your kindness. Share your compassion. Share your love. Share. YOU. It matters. ❤❤❤❤
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[at a job interview] "So describe yourself to me in 1 word" Tired
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"You've made your bed, now lie in it" yes omg i love naps
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5: mama, when I grow up will I drink wine? M: do you plan on having kids? 5: yeah! M: then yes, you will drink wine.
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5:Mom, Mom, MOM..MOMMA!! M:What baby girl? 5: I love you *Heart expands a bit more to preserve her sweet jelly covered face full of love
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"I thought this was interesting," says my mother-in-law, handing me a print-out of an entire website.
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I hate when I'm cleaning the house and I accidentally go to bed until the next day.
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Why are bad ideas just so damn awesome?
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Accidentally told my ex I loved her on the phone today and there’s not enough soap in the world to wash my mouth out with.
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A graveyard, but for all the hatchets I’ve buried.
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I'd rather stand naked in the middle of Times Square for 24 hours than let you scroll through my phone for 20 seconds.
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A twitter crush is when 2 people have unbelievable chemistry combined with horrible geography. It's science!
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Real friends shine brighter than any star.
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Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
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You had me at: I'm gonna teach you some fucking manners.
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My priorities in life changed not me!
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In an attempt to better myself I always get depressed from noticing all of my mistakes.
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I'm not ashamed of anything it's just that I'm overly aware of my conscience.
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He touched my phone, and that's when I called the cops.
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If I was a serial killer, I'd go after the people with personalized license plates I can't figure out.
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The shaker of salt was in my pocket the whole time.
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I'm sorry I called you a whore, but you didn't answer to slut.
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"I'm useless without you..." - I whispered to my coffee
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He changed his number. AGAIN! This is SO us!
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My dinner was 13.2% alcohol by volume and that means there's an 86.8% chance that I'm not being a bitch tonight.
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My biggest mistakes have also been my biggest stepping stones to better choices.
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You act like you've never seen a lady chug a bottle of wine before.
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I let my hair down and now it won't talk to me.
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6: Daddy the floor is lava! Me: Oh yeah? *Pushes wife off chair*
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I'm not happy. I'm just less pissed off.
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You're a fool if you think you can make them hear you now.. when they weren't even listening from the very beginning. -me to me
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Judges can disrobe and go to lunch but I disrobe at lunch and I get judged
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COP: we're puttin u away for a looong time CRIMINAL: but i have my cousin's wedding in july COP: aw sounds delightful. we can make that work
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Blueberries just need some cheering up.
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I should probably get some work done... Maybe
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I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says "haha good one" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
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They say "You are what you eat". I'm destined to become a very thinly sliced salted deep-fried potato.
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The people who don't like people are my people.
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My hair is receding faster and faster meanwhile I can comb my eyebrows... come on hair, pick a struggle!
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The best thing about tomorrow is it's not today...
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I do laundry so my animals have something clean to sleep on.
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You're a dirty habit I refuse to break.
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Just remember, no one is perfect. Except for me, I'm about as close as it gets.
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Real people have a way of never losing their place in your daily life.
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Instead of focusing on what they should do for you, be a better partner and focus on what you should do for them. Love is a cycle.
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Opportunity tends to knock only once Temptation, however, likes to stand there & lean on the damn doorbell
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