I seriously need a human friend...😎
I drew an outline of what I wanted my life to look like and then started filling colors in.
I don't trust anyone who is not honest enough to swear....
No one gives a fuck about your weekend plans, Karen.
None of us are perfect masterpieces but we all are definitely unique limited editions
You can be brave and badass and still have a weakness..
When someone says "Smile, it can't be that bad," you have to stab them. It's the law.
Your shirt says UFC but your body says KFC .
unfollow anyone who doesn't follow back or unfollow's
subscribed 14 months ago, followed 5 months ago,watched 5mins ago,re-t 2mins ago,comented juz now,waiting for reply forever.
love it, thank you The
Her: Is there anything better than true love?
Me: *head buried in the bottom of a bucket of fried chicken* what?
I need coffee.
Sorry can't, it's bean banned
I have nothing in common with people who tuck in their comforter at the foot of the bed.
BRAIN: Donald Trump is your president
ME: I will never sleep again
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now, Al7amdullilah 💙
Words cannot even describe how I am feeling
Don't hate yourself.
I hate you enough for the both of us
Just know if you make a promise and give your word, I expect you to keep your word.
President Trump, you made a big mistake. By trying to divide us up by race, religion, gender and nationality you actually brought us closer.
son: Can I have my toy back?
wife: Not right now, it's keeping him quiet
me *playing with his dinosaur*
I'll show you my Pain Box if you show me your Gom Jabbar
Your funny matches my funny.
Let's do this forever.
Wanna avoid road rage ? Stay the fuck home when I'm on the road.
Does this butt plug make my ass look fat? It's the jewel on the end isn't it?
*gets outta bed
*falls into dresser
*dizzy walks to bathroom
*goes back to bed
Sorry, not coming in, I'm Sleep Drunk
Anyone who says "more haste less speed" was obviously never cool enough for drugs
Fuck everyone that reads this! Have a good day!
Laughter and happily ever after. That's what people want.
Some things are worth fixing and other things aww just let em go
Two wrongs don't make a right
Apparently some dude on Facebook has to piss in a cup to earn a paycheck. Seems like a weird job
It's all fun & games until someone whips out their girthy....personality!
*I see theme starting here.
**see what ya did @1MeLrO
Nothing like a huge girthy
A group of people is called no thanks.
Be with the one who isn't afraid to share their world with you.
I believed it all, and I wish it had been the truth.
Most women need a little reassurance.
Like when she says "oh, you want to see crazy?" Reassure her that you do not.