Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
The Brown Guy™
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don't want to go out with a weirdo.
About 60% of my day is me apologizing for something hilarious I said.
The L in my luck has been replaced with F.
Don't pretend to be someone you're not. Unless you're drunk and being pulled over. Then Act sober.
I look forward to my boss's vacation more than he does.
4 out of 5 dentists recommend flossing. The fifth is out killing lions.
Women's magazines: Page 14: Accept yourself as you are. Page 15: How to lose 4kg in a week. Page 16: Best cake recipe
Want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism.
At the iconic symbol of Minneapolis, I found memories. ift.tt/1Jy8FSc
At the iconic symbol of Minneapolis, I found memories.
For every heart that is broken, a sculpture cries somewhere. ift.tt/1U9yJX1
For every heart that is broken, a sculpture cries somewhere.
That awkward moment when you have to stare at a text for five minutes in order to figure out how to reply.
And then, intelligence rained upon the Earth, and you, unfortunately, had your umbrella up.
On a stormy evening in #yqr the heart reminisce in the beauty of city lights. #nature #skift.tt/1HWukB6
On a stormy evening in #yqr the heart reminisce in the beauty of city lights. #nature #sky #twilight #weather #clouds #cloudporn #skylovers #skypainters #mothernature #scenery #citylights #downtown #canada #prairies #prairieskies #landoflivingskies #Saskatchewan #sask #ExploreSask #enjoycanada #see
Work until you bank balance looks like a phone number, not a phone extension.
I do not like broccoli.
If I ever get kidnapped, my first reaction would be that I'm in a febreeze commercial.
If you even make eye contact with me while a slow song is playing, I'm counting it as sex.
Ladies, sometimes a knight in shining armour is just a retard in tinfoil. Just saying.
I don't mind lesbians, actually. They are still women who won't sleep with me, but at least it's nothing personal.
All the techies out there, what are your thoughts on using OData for single consumption single system transport?
Shhh, let's not ruin the moment with silly words like, "Who are you?"
Show a girl you don't care and she will chase you. Show a woman you don't care and she will replace you.
Don't bother putting your hand over my mouth to shut me up. I will lick you.
To stand alone isn't to be alone. #nature #sky #sun #sunset #tree #clouds #cloudporn #skylovers #skypainters #mothernature #canada #explorecanada #travelcanada #prairielife #prairies #prairieskies #landoflivingskies #Saskatchewan #sask #ExploreSask #reginask #SaskPrairieScenes #enjoycanada #seeyqr
In Mar 2014 @aamir_khan promised financial help for Dashrath Manjhi. In Apr 2014 Manjhi passed away due to lack of medical care. #shame
I am probably single because i didn't forward those chain messages in 2008.
You're 10 times more likely to die when your girlfriend says, "I'm fine" than when you are jumping off an airplane.
I think I've figured out golf. The point of golf is to play the least amount of golf possible.
I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
Irony of freedom is that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
"Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” - Mahatma Gandhi
In a quaint little town outpost, I remember what it felt to be in love with little things … ift.tt/1MGoPI5
In a quaint little town outpost, I remember what it felt to be in love with little things again. #travel #vacation #roadtrip #fergusfalls #exploreminnesota #travelminnesota #mn #Minnesota
“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.” - Peter Drucker
Sometimes, a prairie sunset is all you need to remind your wary heart of God again. #seeyift.tt/1fjwWPD
Sometimes, a prairie sunset is all you need to remind your wary heart of God again. #seeyqr #nature #sky #sun #sunset #twilight #clouds #cloudporn #skylovers #skypainters #mothernature #canada #explorecanada #prairielife #prairies #prairieskies #landoflivingskies #Saskatchewan #sask #ExploreSask #S
Nothing like a quick quarter mile sprint on the treadmill to get the day out of you...
Group projects make me understand why batman prefers to work alone.
Insanity is not knowing which voice in your head is yours.
I always wanted a trophy wife, but instead I became a participation medal boyfriend.
Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't see the pain that someone feels.
The fact that we're cool with dogs chewing on bones instead of being horrified is a testament to how cute they are.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn't get your message.




Twitter Sign-in
We are going to send you to Twitter to authorize twiends.
Please note that we never tweet or follow people without your permission.
Continue