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The Brown Guy™
Her: "C'mon, tell me, how many women have you slept with?"  Me: "1, 2, 3, 4 5 6, 7, then there's you - 9, 10, 11, 12, 13.." #SingleAgain
7 billion people on this planet and I can't find one person who doesn't annoy the fuck out of me.
Who'd have thought there's so much we can learn from trees who learn to survive in this ... ift.tt/1yExXIp pic.twitter.com/SxJYiDv8f7
Who'd have thought there's so much we can learn from trees who learn to survive in this gorgeous winter? #travel #vacation #nature #trees #winter #mothernature #ladd00 #scenery #roadtrip #landscape #wilderness #canada #explorecanada #travelcanada #prairielife #prairies #prairieskies #landoflivingsk
There's never a dull sunset in the land of living skies. #travel #vacation #nature #sky #sun #sunset #twilight #weather #clouds #cloudporn #skylovers #skypainters #mothernature #ladd00 #scenery #roadtrip #landscape #wilderness #canada #explorecanada #travelcanada #prairielife #prairies #prairieskie
Understanding women is not a mystery. When you’re wrong, you apologize and when she’s wrong, you apologize.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Instead of a sweater, this Christmas can I get a screamer or a moaner?
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I'd have to pick my girlfriend.
My friends most commonly describe me as "Who?"
New @Moosecleans US tech firm patents human genitals bit.ly/1vy1d2p
I need more people like me in my life.
I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
So in the last 8 days, I've tried quiche, veggie wrap, veggie panini, squarito and cinnamon bun over @FRESHsweetVIC .. What's next?
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
New @Moosecleans PM to rename Red River to Blue River bit.ly/1FSd6Bp
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
When girls say "I wish I could meet a guy just like you" it means "I want a guy that treats me like you do, but isn't as ugly as you"
Airport walls have seen more sincere kisses than wedding halls, and hospital walls have heard more sincere prayers than church walls.
Hauling my ass downtown, walking fast, leaking snots, freezing hands, pondering if global warming excused #yqr again.
The gym is the easy part, I'll workout all day long. The hard part is eating right.
Retweeted by The Brown Guy™
By ruining my christmas gift plans this year, @Macys has lost a customer who shopped for $87,000 on just one credit card in 2014.
Never, ever shopping from @Macys again, no matter what brands or prices you offer.
I hate @Macys - they take your order offering great discounts, and the day after sales have ended, they say your order is delayed to 2015.
What if Netflix doubled as a dating service like "here are 7 other singles that watched "pretty little liars" for 8 hours straight"...
New @Moosecleans B.C. woman throws caution, health to the wind in thick, hot, steaming challenge bit.ly/1yF1DEQ
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
If I had to rate my stress, I'd say I'm pretty close to 2007 Britney. pic.twitter.com/xKrDCVCxno
Before you go and tell everyone at work to "go fuck yourself", always always check that the last digit on the lottery isn't off.
Can I take a sick day if I'm just sick of work?
@NativeForeigner I wanted you to see this hilarious piece of code.The programmer has some sense of humor! :D pic.twitter.com/yI5ftkjy6C
Retweeted by The Brown Guy™
Exactly how many good deeds you have to do to get into heaven. I'm talking bare minimum here.
"Never odd or even" is spelled backwards as "never odd or even"
It says I haven't tweeted to @MarketRegina for a while. Little does it know how scared I'm.
Just got an alert that I haven't tweeted to @dsmyxe for a while... I don't what's going on with these "personalized notifications" anymore.
So, #yyc is going to be a bitch I can get fond of, or a dude smoking pot blowing mom's paycheck like #yyz ???
I find it easier to Netflix while studying in the background.
When you've traveled till the end of the road, you find sights that were imaginable from the road. #travel #vacation #nature #sky #sun #beach #ocean #sunset #twilight #weather #clouds #cloudporn #skylovers #skypainters #mothernature #ladd00 #wilderness #sfo #socal #ca #california #oceanfront #westc
In the sleepy trails of Idaho, the sight of snake river wakes you up. #travel #vacation #nature #sky #mountains #river #clouds #cloudporn #skylovers #skypainters #mothernature #ladd00 #scenery #landscape #wilderness #idaho #travelidaho #exploreidaho #snakeriver
Very few things restore faith in this world better than the smile of a child, the blessing of a parent, or watching the sun set alone. #travel #vacation #nature #sky #sun #lake #sunset #twilight #weather #clouds #cloudporn #skylovers #skypainters #mothernature #ladd00 #scenery #canada #explorecanad
In spite of the weather, life goes on. #travel #vacation #nature #sky #sun #lake #sunset #twilight #weather #clouds #cloudporn #skylovers #skypainters #mothernature #ladd00 #scenery #canada #explorecanada #travelcanada #yyz #Toronto #tdot #on #Ontario #discoverontario