My girlfriend just apologised to a character in a video game for letting her down (she didn’t know i could hear her). So that’s normal
"I'm an ideas man, Michael! I think I proved that with Fuck Mountain."
TAKE ME DOWN TO THE GIBBERISH CITY / WHERE THE GRASS IS FLORP AND THE BLEEP BOOP BITTY
I don't know which is better today, the dog gif or the Arrested Development trailer.
Dog dancing. Next level. ow.ly/kXwFW
why is there hail in my courtyard?
Arrested Development Season 4 trailer yesssssss youtube.com/watch?v=Yl8rSS…
OK now that I know Joss & Jed Whedon and Maurissa Tanchareon wrote Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I will watch this. youtube.com/watch?v=mDKQ3L…
The urge to wear jorts comes early when you wake up at 8am on a Sunday. This is a new experience for me.
I confess I did try an exploratory shake of my jorts after washing them. But I didn’t hear any satisfying screams from below.
“Hello, this is renowned author Dan Brown,” spoke renowned author Dan Brown. “I want to talk to literary agent John Unconvincingname.”
"& perambulated on foot to the desk behind which he habitually sat on a chair to write his famous books on an Apple iMac MD093B/A computer."
Just been sent this HILARIOUS parody of Dan Brown from the Telegraph (by Michael Deacon). Couldn't stop laughing! bit.ly/12mhdDt
The title for my third novel has just been announced! "The Bacon Anomaly"
Only just noticed The Big Bang Theory episodes are all named like techno-thriller novels en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_T…
i wish i liked stupid shit, that way my favourite shows would never be cancelled
"Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you'll have more fun."
“This is exactly why YouTube exists”
Dog Dancing To Eminem’s “Shake That” youtube.com/watch?v=UBftA7…
Except maybe skip Star Wars and do that first.
JJ Abrams making a Half-Life or Portal movie. I have nothing snarky to say about this.
Here it is, our interview with JJ Abrams! Star Trek, Star Wars & Portal occupy our chat. Check it out: gizmodo.com.au/2013/05/jj-abr…
Guys so this is apparently in London, right now. pic.twitter.com/mDnvNovYN2
What if there was a typo and we're supposed to pay for things with monkey.
brilliant. just got an 1 star amazon review from a guy who gave 5 stars to some methylated spirits ("too good to drink... inhale the fumes")
Thanks to Snapchat, Ben has become really good at drawing multi-colored penises in my mouth.
“Now that we’ve finished, if you can stay on the line for a brief survey” Me: “Yeah, sure” *click*
Whenever you're feeling crappy about your relationship just remember that somewhere out there are couples that met on LinkedIn.
burn it. burn it with fire.
I like how it's impossible to close a Hotmail account. And you can't even select all contacts to delete them. Or contact anyone for support.
Here is one of my Systema instructors demonstrating the biomechanics of combat on the Discovery channel youtube.com/watch?v=BH52ZE…
also at the end he steps off the table #yolo
it’s a duckling trying to stay awake & he chirps every time & bless his little heart youtube.com/watch?feature=…
I really need to write that cop drama.
Ben searched a dude's car today. He found lacy underwear and a lot of lube.
: I liked that part in Iron Man 3 where there was an explosion.
what kind of an idiot uses dreamweaver
May the Jort be with you cc @joelnaoum
I am cry-laughing at the trampoline GIF.
Animals that can’t even deal right now imgur.com/gallery/jSad5
Top or bottom? RT @Brocklesnitch
: Where do you get your statistics awful magazine!? Cc @courteneyh pic.twitter.com/tRnXNe0HAT
Ben is doing puns RT @cheshninety
: New Vic Police signage? Not sure if pun or… pic.twitter.com/yoRUzcWpm7
Disturbed that @Aaronsansoni
is drinking hot water.
"No, I have my own baton and handcuffs" - Ben on the phone just now
“In my spare time I like to keep unfit by using a pedometer to take the least amount of steps”
“Those bitches know what's coming if they say otherwise”
“My friends who don't have restraining orders against me would describe me as loyal and gentle” - @Tae_sty