Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
#rickperry compares homosexuality to alcoholism Meaning its ok to have a little gay, as long as its administered in church by a priest
Not trying to brag, but my wife lets me have sex with her if she's feeling too lazy to masturbate.
Retweeted by natebuckwell
Hey baby, did it hurt? When Dorothy threw the water on you, which caused you to melt?
I normally don't sports very well, but where do I cast my vote for who wins the #WorldCup this year?
....but at least we got rid of Iraq's Weapons of Mass Destruction, right? #Mosul
Remember folks, you can't spell non sequitor without our brave men and women in uniform who defend our freedom.
Q: How many @BestBuy employees does it take to sell a tablet? A: so far 4
Watch #E32014 only release footage for some of the products, with the rest of the footage available for purchase as DLC in November sometime
I would sell my soul for the ability to weasle out of contracts with The Devil
Guys, I'm beginning to think #JohnSnow doesn't know anything.
Tampon commercials set an unrealistic expectation of how fun it is to be around mensturating women
I just finished watching RIPD, and I feel as though @reynoldryan owes me an apology.
Today on #NBC, 3 hours of coverage and hype for a 2 minute horse race #BelmontStakes #Belmont
Medically speaking, my credit score is considered an STD
In order to excercise my patience, Im going to start lifting waits.
Im not suicidal, I'm just really tired all the time.
Does anyone know the age cut off for using the phrase "over yonder"?
Can we just accept that huge packages of TP is a more efficient way to buy it, and stop looking at me like I'm about to shit my pants?
The best part about twitter is that no one I know uses twitter.
"Domestic Abuse" is such a terrible term. I prefer "Percussive Maintenance" #YesAllWomen
Years of watching Fail videos is why I never try to do anything remotely cool or fun.
Life lesson 1: never wipe your ass in the dark Life lesson 2: wiping your ass with clorox disinfecting wipes HURTS. LIKE. HELL.
Sometimes I rt things and imagine the writer is going "one more rt an I won't kill myself" it's called saving lives, folks.
Retweeted by natebuckwell
I'm more of a grammar Communist
In honour of the passing of #MayaAngelou , for the next 7 days I will pretend to know who Maya Angelou is.