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Someone needs to make a LIFE OF BRIAN-style satire about Islam. (Not me, I'm a pussy)
Retweeted by natebuckwell
"I ate all your food. Can I have some money?" - Teenagers
#KanyeWest probably sends dick pics to himself
There is no manly way to stretch and yawn in public.
Have you ever wanted to shout "You smell like pee! Why are you out in public smelling like pee??" To the person sitting beside you? I have.
There are menonites at the hospital. Shouldn't they have to go see a witch doctor, or something?
I'm glad February isn't 3/5ths of a month anymore. #BlackHistoryMonth
A moment of silence for the poor guys forced to watch "50 Shades of Daddy Issues" this weekend. #50ShadesOfGrey
#ISIS was just acting out their favourite 50 Shades of Gray scene with the Jordanian pilot
Dear @TheGoodGodAbove, I think if you switched it so that bugs were active in the winter, and slept all summer, everyone would love you more
Well, I just came inaide from shovelling the driveway. Time to go out and shovel the driveway! #Snowmageddon2015
My problem is I get too emotionally attached to hypothetical scenarios.
Muslims say the bible is not the word of God Christians say the Quran is not the word of God Well done you're both right
Retweeted by natebuckwell
Dont mistake my weakness for kindness
#QZ8501 looks like Christmas finally came for @CNN !
#cancerabook We need title ideas!! One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, You Have Cancer
Retweeted by natebuckwell
#cancerabook she sells T cells by the sea shore
#cancerabook I BiopSEE what you did there
@hahahaddon White privilege vs white blood cells I'd give my right nut! #cancerabook
Retweeted by natebuckwell
#cancerabook game is happening. Come on #cancer haters. Need a good book title for my cancer book. #fuckcancer @hastags
Retweeted by natebuckwell
1 easy step to getting sympathy pussy: get cancer. #cancerabook
Retweeted by natebuckwell
#cancerabook I'm Dying up here: Cancer and Comedy
#cancerabook Hey, at least it's not erectile disfunction.
Dying of Cancer Book by me, needs title. Tweet at me with #cancerabook with your ideas. Exp: What To Expect When You're Expecting...To Die.
Retweeted by natebuckwell
#cancerabook for the last time, Im not going to start selling meth
#cancerabook laughter is the best medicine, unless you have cancer
#cancerabook my white blood cells are pussies
#cancerabook Bald is Beautiful. and Cold.
#cancerabook How to have a sense of Tumour
Be the sarcasm you wish to see in the world.
I feel like the future of our species will be determined by a fight to the death between @elonmusk and the #kochbrothers
Only 3 more days until "OHMYGOD THEY'RE TRYING TO DESTROY #Christmas " season!
Blaming #Muslims or #Islam for Terrorism is like blaming White People for school shootings. #EndTheHate
The relationship between a teacher and a parent is a mutual feeling of "Oh god, Im doing my best for this kid. Please dont judge/hate me."
#LeonardoDiCaprio deserves an an Oscar for his speech at the #UnitedNations but we all know he won't get one.
#simpsonscouchgag The group of writers from 20 years ago all run up and sit on the couch, and the show starts to get funny again.
Ah the 3 B's of #summer Barbeque, Bonfire, and Bswimming
So now that #Brazil has hosted a global sporting event, is it their turn to annex Crimea? #WorldCup2014