sometimes you just need a blowjob and a blunt
When Twitter starts to get too crazy
This bitch brought up the revolutionary war in an argument about the ESPYS I'm geeking
I'm sorry idc if your gay, straight, or trans. Changing your sex is not worthy of a courage award over jumping on a grenade for your country
Staying nice and warm from all these bridges I've burned.
Lost a shoe, boxers, watch, oakleys, wallet and spare tire
MTV has cancelled Teen Mom. At least MTV knows when to pull out.
[doc flicks cigarette]
Alright, let's get this fucken baby out of you.
i wanna fuck the snowman thing from frozen low key
Just pissed on my leg and thought it was raining
"If that ain't country, I'll kiss your ass."
Amber is the color of your energy
"And @elistoogali @DannyThePaddy
should probably keep the cocaine to a minimum" was cropped out twitter.com/hsconfessionai…
The key to every girls heart 😍w
My wife left me but at least I have my collection of dip cans #yeeyee
Always wishing I skipped leg day
Proud to say that I've verbally committed to play at Brigham Young University! ⚾️ #GoCougs #BYU #Shooter
Neil Patrick Harris in Harold and Kumar
BREAKING: Medical records show Giants DE Jason Pierre-Paul had right index finger amputated today.(via @AdamSchefter
Taco Bell announced that it is planning to deliver that will in fact cut the number of high motorists on the roads in half by 2017
Nothing like some fresh cash
This might get out of hand, @prattprattpratt
If you don't start singing on the metro you're communist
Now batting for your Washington Nationals @TheRealMisterG
Congratulations to Madison's Brian Eckert for being named to our NOVA Nine! ... tinyurl.com/naax7fw
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
We lit up your world like the 4th of July #FuckISIS
VIDEO: Bryce Harper hit the most patriotic home run ever on #July4th