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Caddyshack is my comfort food. Midlife crisis averted.
Sign #366 that I'm careening towards a midlife crisis: I'm thinking about getting my first tattoo. Any suggestions?
That famous comedian turning her Twitter account over to an endless string of unfunny comics the last few weeks is a huge bust.
Too long for Twitter, but why we must reject Carson's rhetoric of hate. facebook.com/glad.stone.35/…
me trying to shave those 3 hairs between my eyebrows
I've just been informed that That 80s Show is on Hulu. Feeling stupid for watching 7 episodes in 360p.
Not watching the debate but it sounds like Jeb! just stuck his foot in his mouth. A Bush Family tradition.
Can't watch the GOP debate; makes me too angry. Love all the progressive people I follow tweeting about it though.
Don't adjust your sets, Scott Walker's face really looks like that
Now I'm watching That 80s Show. Wasn't good then, just as bad now. Can't turn it off.
Just found season 3 of Soap. Is there a twelve step program for people addicted to nostalgia? youtube.com/watch?v=AmNstf…
Now I'm watching Angie reruns on YouTube. Please help me. youtube.com/watch?v=roEOCN…
Went down a weird rabbit hole today. Started with Too Many Cooks, then ABC Promos from the 80s, then 80s sitcom themes.
I've seen Guardians of the Galaxy a bajillion times and I still can't believe the voice of Rocket Raccoon is Bradley Cooper.
There isn't nearly as much BMX in BMX Bandits as I thought.
I survived seeing the movie "World Trade Center"
How many racist Texas police and school officials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What lightbulb? THAT'S A BOMB!!!
"Look at this dumb hillbilly with a mullet" said the vaping hipster with the man-bun.
Just signed up for #nanowrimo
The working poor are grossly underrepresented on television.
5 minutes into new Mindy Project, She says "ExSQUEEZE ME!?!"
First and last time I will watch the Mindy Project.
The R-Rated Reason A Certain Alien Race Can't Appear In 'Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2' ow.ly/Scnqh
i guess unions must have fucked scott walker's girlfriend or something
(Sigh) Yes. 😔 RT@MattMira
a: Aren't you a little fat to be a Stormtrooper?
12 Movies That Deserve To Have Way More of a Cult Following ow.ly/Scn93
No. Just... No. RT @NPR
: Are you a bassoon buff or a bassoon baffoon? Take our Big Bassoon Puzzler. n.pr/1LpxbBL
Power went out so I spent the night rereading @pattonoswalt
s Zombie Spaceship Wasteland on kindle by candlelight. Highly recommended.
text someone you haven't talked to in a while, "sometimes it seems like we're not even dating."
Up top, my brother! @jimmypardo
: shakey's really has my number
Judge me by my size do you? And well you should not. For my ally is the force! And a powerful ally it is. -Yoda #ForceFriday
Kevin Feige Almost Quit Marvel Over 'Civil War' Disagreements bit.ly/1NSOqRO
Kim Davis is hilariously close to becoming a real life Pawtucky.
Re: Kim Davis
My 85yr old Grandmother just said,"Why's she getting away with it? That bitch should be fired right then!"
If you see me eating food, you have my permission to slap it outta my hands.
Unless it's a Snickers; this fat boy loves his Snickers.
"You look like a combination of a predator and his prey." - @kumailn #throwupthursday
In the middle of a Mad Max Fury Road/ Turbo Kid double feature. You should be jealous.
I bet Marty McFly puts his cruise control to 87 MPH all the time just to piss off the flux capacitor.
: My response to @SD_Wheeler
, who proposed that we expel every Muslim living in America.
Kentucky County Clerk Kim Davis Has Principles (Sometimes!) esquire.com/news-politics/…
Just a heads up, gang. I have it on good authority that band-aids can't fix bullet holes.
Since all serial criminals are always known by 3 names, I say we call him Bill Wayne Cosby. Let's get it started, people: #BillWayneCosby
Sequel to Hawk the Slayer announced!
Who wants to see Hawk the Hunter?
Back the Kickstarter, get a FREE RiffTrax of RiffTrax.com/Hawk-the-Slayer
Seeds are just vegetable cum.
"I reminded myself that I was a man of science, even if I did usually get a C in it." goodreads.com/quotes/7172055…
Made a Samurai Jack knife block