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Michael Ian Black
comedian comedy actor 1,930,413 followers
Planes going down like KK on Ray J.
  7h
Listen to "Topics." @mshowalter and I solved the Middle East problem months ago. Ep. 26. itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/top…
Thunder is a wonder; it tears the skies asunder. But lightning is frightening; I feel my asshole tightening.
When I say "Hey," and then somebody says, "Hay is for horses," a perfect response is, "Fuck you."
Fun to hear abt kids wanting capes after reading NAKED! How to make your own: bit.ly/1ng9Bjc @michaelianblack pic.twitter.com/erAJ0X1vSz
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Today I plan on doing a good job. j/k
What be the best fruit? Cherries be the best fruit.
Get this shit: I'm sweating.
Yes to the 90's shows. No to Connecticut. RT @Young_Oliff yea, and doing 90s shows and stuff.
In Connecticut? RT @Young_Oliff hey mike, big fan, ever thought you'd be where you were today, a long time ago?
More like Deep Throat Chopra.
MONSTER MOTORS comes out tomorrow! Many many years of hard work pay off in a 45+ page book of awesomeness! pic.twitter.com/sWR4sqepbr
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My bedtime stories lead to midnight snacking on @Klondikebar Kandy Bars. So lights out when the box is out. youtube.com/watch?v=ncxSUJ… #ad
Actually, I'm fine with the game. I really do just hate the player.
Today I packed up about thirty boxes of books. Yet another reason why reading is stupid.
This is an accurate HuffPo headline: "You'll Never Guess How Much Taylor Swift Spent On Her Shorts."
When you think about it, calling a spade a spade seems pretty obvious.
Why doesn’t the news ever report on the good stuff that happens to Malaysian flights?
Retweeted by Michael Ian Black
Now available for boat shows and bingo calling.
If I had to pick my best feature, it would be my DVD of "Raising Arizona."