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Gamers please check out this video it is amazing. (:
Epic Watermelon Off Roof!: youtu.be/YXYmBfcQ1ww
i hate that skinny people eat like pigs and loose weight instead of gaining it. #hdyf
Me: Bye Twitter I have homework to do and school in the morning. Twitter: LOL, you ain’t going no where. Me: Fine, I guess I'll stay on
teacher: can I have your attention please? student: I don't know, can you?
My relationship is like an iPhone 5. I don’t have an iPhone 5.
Friday. My second favorite F word. First is fruit what did u think?
Oh your account is protected? What the fuck do you tweet? Nuclear launch codes? #hdyf
I need a 6 month vacation, twice a year. #hdyf
I wish exercising was as easy as eating. #hdyf
#kony2012istillbelieve #kony2012 @Invisible
Invisible Children supporters rise up! Remind the world that we still BELIEVE! tweet #kony2012
A real girlfriend doesn't complain while her boyfriend is on his Xbox. She sits there and yells, "Kill that bitch!"
I'm pretty sure that if Walt Disney watched Disney Channel today, he would cry.
Kinda funny how the colors red, white, and blue represent freedom until they are flashing behind you.
My life is like a romantic comedy except theres no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes. #Hdyf
Your Girlfriend. Rated "E" For Everyone.
I hate at restaurants when people arrive after you, but still get their food before you. #hdyf
who else remembers drawing that wicked 'S' using those 6 straight lines? #HDYF
What if a celebrity dialled the wrong number and called you? #HDYF
Twitter is like New York. It's the site that never sleeps..
Twitter is like New York. It's the site that never sleeps.. #hdyf
'American kid: "You're from the UK? Ohhh cool, So do you have tea with the Queen?". British kid: "Do you like, go to mcdonalds with Obama?"
AAAAAH! WALKING CARROTTTTTTTTT!!!!" "Grandma please, it's just Sn00ki!
Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans, I. Can't. Breathe. Sincerely, Your Balls #hdyf
I love my haters.. They spend their precious time thinking and talking about me.. So sweet of them.. ;) #hdyf
*Common lies* Parents: you're perfect.Friends: that was my last gum. Boys: I love you. Girls: Im ok.Twitter: we're gunna fix things up soon.
Taylor Swift + Vodka) - Talent= Ke$ha #hdyf
When I was little I had a HUGE imagination. Now I can't even make up a story for english class.
- Did You accidently hit the "Add your Location" button to your last tweet?
apparently internet addiction will be classified as a mental disorder some time in 2013. u know what that means. SEE U ALL IN REHAB, FUCKERS
My inner 5 year old came out when I heard about Finding Dory.
1 universe, 8 planets, 192 countries, 180,497 islands, 85 seas, 7 billion people & I’M STILL SINGLE.
Bitches be like, "I went through your phone today, who the fuck is mom?!"
Text from my mom: Can you turn on the oven? My answer: I've done everything I can, the oven just simply does not find me sexually attractive
I'm not calling her a slut, but she's been pounded more times than the "I" in PIXAR
John Kerry, pls prioritize solutions on CAR overthrow and stand by mission to stop Kony @StateDept #kerrystopkony spr.ly/ker
"Fuck bitches, get money!" - People who say this usually have neither.
With the way I eat I should be at least 800 pounds
I don't need to be rich, I don't need to be famous, I don't need to be perfect but all I need is happiness.
Mission Impossible: Not singing along to the Big Bang Theory opening credits.
Age 11: "I whip my hair back and forth!"
Age 40: "I drive my kids back and forth!"
Age 81: "I rock my chair back and forth!"
Person: "Do you know how many calories are in that beer?"
Me: "Probably the same as the amount of fucks I don't give."
Heartbroken? You've got a foot, & he's got balls. Girls; you know what to do.
I was wondering.. would transformers buy life insurance or car insurance?
: "If I left you would you cry for me?" *Of course, I cant't control the tears of joy.*
Trying to make your shoes squeak again so people don't think you farted.
I bought a dog once. Named him 'Stay' "Come here, Stay." He's insane now..
I've got 99 problems and 84 of them are bitch-related.