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Meeting Boy
comedy 148,776 followers
We used to take interns out for lunch on their last day, but instead the boss got pizza. Because college students don't get enough pizza.
It takes 7 more minutes to boot up in the morning, but no, we don't need to replace these 4 year old computers.
I don’t know how the group account director ever thought we’d appreciate being managed via spreadsheet.
Nothing confirms your decision to change jobs more than taking a day off for a job interview and running into a coworker doing the same.
Workplace swear words: -PowerPoint -spreadsheet -professional -consultant -corrective action -presentation -conference call -webinar
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The good news is someone punched a hated coworker yesterday. The bad news is I didn’t see it and am only hearing about it today.
The client brief is short on deliverables or detail, but he did say "I want to be wowed!" Wowed by what, sir?
I had four meetings today. One was cancelled and the other three ended early. So kiss your loved ones because the End of Days are nigh.
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I notice the Keurig containers are all full when they sent out the employee satisfaction survey.
Riding a bicycle makes you a cyclist, not a biker, so please stop acting like you’re hot shit in front of all the interns, Bob.
Promoting someone for using all your favorite buzzwords makes as much sense as kissing a lot of frogs until one turns into a prince.
The account director has decided that nothing should be called "old" any more, so now he's referring to the previous campaign as "not new".
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, just as a webinar by any other name would be as boring.
SPOILER ALERT: The jerk who insinuated himself onto the project after the fact gets the promotion.
We've just created a new font, everybody! It's called Go Eff Yourserif!
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So it's come to this: I've started accepting meetings I know I can back out of as a way of keeping others from scheduling too many meetings.
It'd be nice if, for once, WE were the ones who could push back and make the client actually stick to what they asked for.
Video conferencing doesn't have a MUTE button, and let's just say you don't know how much you need it until it's gone.
The hated account director left today. Not sure if he was fired or quit, but I do know that his replacement will be greeted as a liberator.
There's only one time you should ever say synergy and that's if you're dressed up as Jem for Halloween.
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Was told to "add some razzmatazz to that PowerPoint". Now if I only had a time machine to go back to 1970 and find out what that means...
RT @JerryThomas: IDEA: Prison, only with wi-fi and mimosas. // It exists-- it's called a business trip.
Did you know that the economy survived for hundreds of years before anyone coined the term "onboarding"? It's true.
MeetingBoy just endorsed LinkedIn for Wage Theft: thinkprogress.org/economy/2014/0…
The ambitious go-getter must think saying "value prop" 100 times a day will make the magic Promotion Genie appear and grant his wish.
Our company refuses to give us Friday afternoons off in the summer, but all our clients have it off, so we're just sitting on our hands.
Sometimes I feel like a man trapped in a woman's salary.
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Look, boss, if I'm going to "take a stab" at something, I'd rather it be you than revising this idiot PowerPoint you made.
The only thing worse than a 8AM meeting, is an 8AM meeting they send you the night before when it's too late to force them to reschedule.
My coworker always seems to schedule meetings in the farthest conference room ever since she got her Fitbit.
I can’t even count how many times I’ve been in a meeting and prayed for the boss to be swallowed up by a Sharknado.
They don't even refer to it as work around here any more; the general manager only talks about "meeting your utilization goal".
I was mad at the man who didn’t prepare for meetings until I met the man who didn’t prepare for his own meetings.
The CEO described several things today as "magnitudinal", so I think our headquarters is going to get hit by a tsunami or something.
Eight words you never want to hear on a conference call: “Oh, that’s fine. We’ve still got another hour.”
Please tell me you did not just videoconference someone who sits 30 feet away.
He asked when I was available. I said "after 2 Eastern". He sent the meeting invite for 1PM Eastern. Is he trying to make me look bad?
"Looping you in" is email code for "it's too late to do anything, but if this goes bad I plan to share the blame".
Darth Vader gets a bad rap. Who among us, if they had the power, wouldn’t choke an annoying coworker to death in a status meeting?
OFFICE ETIQUETTE TIP: If you're wondering what the acceptable level of perfume is for the workplace, it's less than one full bottle.
It’d be nice if next time they ask us to work late and bring in pizza that it not be crappy pizza.
The meeting was to assign work, but Bill talked for 40 minutes before work could be given to him and then it was over. He filibustered us.
My boss just said that changes are coming and we need to "be prepared" is she gonna throw her boss off a cliff into a wildebeest stampede?
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Today the client told us to "really think outside the box on this one, but stick to the template or the brand team will never approve it."
Two hours in a department meeting to talk about how much work we have to do. Seems legit.
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A federal appeals court upheld a typo today, and yet the account director still routinely tries to save money by skipping the proofreader.
The best part about working for a Fortune 50 company has to be not working.
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The company will hold Women in Leadership surveys and seminars, anything to avoid promoting even one woman to the 35 executive positions.
Did you even read this before you forwarded it to the team to work on?
Food poisoning is awful, but getting food poisoning on Saturday morning instead of during the workweek is just adding insult to injury.