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Tom Nash
This muppet hasn't pissed for 12 hours and is refusing to even consider doing so.
Can't help but get the fear when someone rings the office and asks to speak to me.
Reminds me- dude I suspected was a cunt mentioned he'd name his kid Hugo if he had a son. It's nice to be proven right.
Self-awareness tip for #Glasto2015 go-ers: 60,000 Hugos and Emmas paying £220 to sit in the same fields does not a counter-culture make.
Retweeted by Tom Nash
Fuck this shit, I'm off to watch CG dinosaurs.
BBC News is just a collection of the most polarising stories of the day now. Tiring to view.
Come home, Victor Moses.
New to Twitter or simply unsure how it all works? Check out these handy F.A.Q.s.
Retweeted by Tom Nash
So we're concerned for the health of those wearing skinny jeans now? Are we still concerned for our safety around the baggy kind?
Filth stares and grey hairs pupdate
The boy did another shift as office dog today. Smashed it. Proud.
How can you punish people for not being paid enough to live on? How? It doesn't make any sense.
Retweeted by Tom Nash
Someone put an empty Magnum box back in the freezer and now I am sad in my heart and icecreamless.
Geezer that used to live next door has a dog called William. Me and Graham reckon that is a stupid name for a dog...
Scrolling through the timeline of a company account I manage... YAWN. So dull. So, so dull.
Finally cracked open the birthday crepes.
Wow. Jon Stewart nails absolutely everything I have felt for years now. This needs to be playing on every channel
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2 stories here. One about evil foreign paedos luring kids away & another about a paranoid bloke from Newcastle
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New @2ndclass has arrived. This week will end with this as the soundtrack.
Grace Louise Beauty just reached 40 followers on @bloglovin! Follow it here:
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Dave Myers' cuntstache is impressive. No less cuntish though.
Enjoy poorly visualised humour? Then you'll like what I'm doing as @tutandgroan. Would LOVE it if you (yes, YOU) checked us out.
Our team do all the health and safety...
Do people in Qashqais with 'Baby On Board' signs not realise they are driving a huge one?
"Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on" Really? Ugh. Fucking ugh.
Props to the customer who emailed to tell us we got his address wrong. It was our address, in the footer, by the company reg details. Twat.
That episode of #GoT was full of 'fuck yous' to #asoiaf readers. Funny.
Getting used to the 9-5 game pupdate
Put some normal milk in my glass of Mars Milk earlier, to make it less sweet. And people said you slow down in your 30s...
Government would like you to celebrate Magna Carta, which you cannot enforce in court, whilst it repeals Human Rights Act, which you can.
Retweeted by Tom Nash
Managed to get a colleague to check out @tutandgroan. Fair play to him- managed a page of em before hitting me.
Speed trap on Shirley Road by Trinity School, #Croydon heads.
Dear British general public. You are the fucking worst. Die in a fire, Tom
I'm not even sorry.
Graham getting his Cannibal Holocaust on. You could say it's... turtle devastation.
First sponsored post in my Instagram feed was by Crocs. Must be starting with the barrel scrapings...
Beyoncé liked my coffee table so much, she didn't use a coaster.
Retweeted by Tom Nash

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