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Doober Pooberton
TV SHOW IDEA: Lucy Liu's failed attempts at locating Lou Reed's faulty toilets. Coming Spring 2015, it's Lucy Liu Loses Lou's Loose Loos.
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Hey, Beeth! It's your cousin Toaster, Toaster Oven! You know that new sound you been looking for? Well, listen to this! ...Hello? Hello?
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emu wallaby my lover koala get with my friends
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Dawson's Fleek starring James van der Fleek
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[wedding vows] Do you take this woman (feat pitbull & Lupe Fiasco) to be you lawfully wedded wife
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Send me your worst tweet
Supersuit, supersuuitt, honey where's my sup er suuiittt Why do you. Neeed to knoww I'm talkin about the greater good pic.twitter.com/ldlgAEiNIU
me: SPORTS! sports dad: SPORTS! *we start to lean in for a kiss but decide against it*
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Tfw you find your super suit >>>>>>> pic.twitter.com/aRrDP2FFqO
Ice cubes are basically just water pulp
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trust falls into the guy waiting for the urinal behind me
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bought a fridge magnet and now i've got so many fucking fridges
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Oh. My. God. I just remembered how fun hot wheels are
Oh you want to go to the swimming pool? You mean the giant bowl of soft porn soup? No thanks satan lover.
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Hell ya i can hold a baby! I can hold the hell out of a baby! Look I'll show you, gimme your baby for a minute! No- just gim- ILL SHOW YOU
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Refrigerator. Pretty cool name sounds like terminator. Pretty cool. But how about Arcticfoodnbeverageship. Hell yeah Id have that in my home
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sir, you cannot be both a Space Cowboy and a Gangster of Love. You must pick one.
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Try to tell a little girl she's smart, or her shoes look super fast or that you bet she's real strong, before you tell her how cute she is.
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What idiot called it Uranus instead of literally anything else. Cup for example. They literally could have named it Cup.
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wen u overhear a customer pronouncing it 'EXpresso' and u decide 2 make it ur business pic.twitter.com/oCCJU3ZQCv
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If u put some1 in Weird Twitter they will jump out But if u put some1 in Normal Twitter and slowly turn up the weird they will boil 2 death
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@jenlaw_11 turned down a career in golf to focus on chalk drawings of rowdy vegetables which had a profound effect on veggie sales #hbdNAML
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#hbdNAML I left my mom forever and am still in the process of walking to Salt Lake City to hang out with Jen and Val also to punch Dane
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@jenlaw_11 made possible: AccentDay, LateNightVines, TwitterProm, PillarOfWasps, LateNightPickUpLines, Napkins, and Rowdiness. ty #hbdNaML
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she's not a meth lab, you guys. those investigations didn't turn up any evidence. stop asking. #ff @jenlaw_11 #hbdNaML
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Once Jen unfollowed me & I called her on it so she refollowed out of guilt & now we're the best of friends & I'm moving in with her #hbdNAML
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Marilyn was actually the back up singer. It was really @jenlaw_11 that sang Happy birthday Mr. President #hbdNAML pic.twitter.com/7Mh4H3JR26
That moment when it's @jenlaw_11's birthday >>>>>>>>>😤#hbdNAMLLpic.twitter.com/pCBcnMOYbLL
Dry dick randos are just dry dick friends you haven't met yet ❤
Tell me about your day in emojis
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my eyebrows are on fleek
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When you're up late watching the X-files >>>>>>>>>>>>>> pic.twitter.com/EQax9oUGJv
@daneZie carpet dimes, seize the dimes under the carpet
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Carpet Diem, seize the carpet