Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Doober Pooberton
Well this budget motel has bedbugs so at least I won't be sleeping alone tonight
*batman, waiting* Ughhhhhh I'm like super bored... *sees a crime* Omg omg omg a crime! Squeeeeeeeee this is totally exciting!
Breaking news: Somewhere, some guy has donned a fedora and is going to go outside
Lightning is just the sound of God fastening his ponytail
yea baby....... oh hell ya........ HELL YEAH BABY!!!!! Oh Hell Yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #HellYaBaby
Retweeted by Doober Pooberton
22.9k is enough. Or is it? Tonight, I discuss numbers with @murrman5 and see if they are good.
"eep dop zoop zop watch out!" Bill Cosby jumps in, grabs the knife and slices the doughboy in half Mr bean makes face like 😲@HammerFist33
Pillsbury doughboy: ho ho! Poke my belly and I tell a secret! Mr. Bean: cheerio (Pokes belly) PD: ho ho! I'm the zodiac killer @HammerFist3
Now it's time for me and @HammerFist3 to write some Mr. bean fan fiction
And here it is, the greatest tweet ever
I haven't tweeted at all today, but it's all going to be worth it once I drop this next tweet all in yo butt!
From the people that brought you, "Patton Oswalt is a Racist"
What if when cops run out of tear gas they have to reenact the beginning of "Up" to produce the same effect?
The royal baby is even more beautiful than I remember
Criminals back in the 50's would always get caught because the smooth trumpet music that followed them around made them easy to find
Theo: Dad? Can't we have real food? We've had pudding pops and jello for 5 years now. (Bill Cosby starts shaking)