Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Want to get more twitter followers? Click here to watch our video.
 
Alan Barns
humour 26,355 followers
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
Any fool can know. The point is to understand. — Albert Einstein
Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
An economist is someone who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. — Oscar Wilde
A lot of people mistake a short memory with a clear conscience. — Doug Larson
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people's souls through two people's bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
Retweeted by Alan Barns
A gentleman is a patient wolf.
22. A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. — Robert Frost
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.
Everybody knows more than somebody
Duct tape is like the Force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
Dyslexics have more fnu.
Don’t let making a living prevent you from making a life." — John Wooden
Don’t believe everything you think.
Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing." — Benjamin Franklin
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." — Mark Twain
An economist is someone who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.