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Lew
Band merch and checkered shirts
I need tattoo money asap 😒
I work with middle aged bikers and rock fans, as it's non uniform day there's ACDC, Metallica and Black Sabbath tops everywhere which is rad
The horrible feeling you get when turning up for any non uniform event like "what if I'm the only one not in uniform? 😩"
Tomorrow at work is dress down friday. That means I wear band merch
New least favourite phrase: "doing lifts, holla at me"😷😷 You're fucking vile, get off the Earth now
This guy at the bus stop skips leg day because it looks like he has the upper half of Hercules but little legs like twigs
I don't like this woman at work because she's really loud and embarrassing. But she bought cake and left it on the table so she ite I guess
University - destroying relationships one September at a time
"@LewIsNotAJew followed you" just popped up on my screen and I instantly "lol'd". 😂
Retweeted by Lew
"LETS OPEN THIS PIT UP" me: *starts awkwardly blowing up inflatable ball pit*
Today is a Neck Deep kinda day
Lucky I took my fold up umbrella in my bag this morning cos it's starting to rain
Sending a snapchat to the wrong person and you're like block them, delete them, delete snapchat, sell your phone and move to Venezuela
At one point during my posture assessment the lady stood behind me and asked me to bend over and touch my toes. Um, wat 😳
Everyone else is moving away for university and I'm just staying here like 🚶
I never liked Sam Pepper when he was an annoying little arse hole, and I like him even less now he sexually assaulted women as a "prank"
Tuesday isnt even that much better than Monday
Awkwardly greeting your co-workers in the toilets
#ThingsBetterThanMonday tripping up the stairs (which I just did lol)
#ThingsBetterThanMonday standing on the bus because there's no seats
Trying to get me out of bed in the morning is like trying to separate tough velcro
Oh so you wear Paco Rabbane's Million? Fantastic, you and 80% of most teenage boys all smell the same
Nah why are you barefoot in the gym you yeti
Dear Nutella-scrapers, jars that look full but are in reality empty are a crime against breakfast. Why would you do such a thing?
Retweeted by Lew
My 50 something year old mother is giving me relationship advice. Um no thanks you can stop ahahh 😂
Someone get me a twinkie
Driving instructor is a pretty cool guy and today I plugged my phone into the car to play music. He approves of Basement
When passing through an underpass a group of hoodlums asked me if I "wanted any draws" Oh, no thank you ☺️
Watching lightning crack the sky and to the rain on my window and thunder makes me strangely happy. I love storms ☁️⚡️
ARRGH THE NEW TWITTER UPDATE LOOKS LIKE SHIT DONT DOWNLOAD IT
Thank fuck the rain has stopped now i'm out of work. Still mad thunder tho
The most creative I get is when frustrated. Best came when I broke a part fixing a laptop and said "shit in my cunt an fuck me like a bitch"
Scotland making all this fuss about independence and not voting for it is like a child running away and coming back before they get very far