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Lew
Amazon prime and chill?
Iv joined a new band called 999 Megabites. We haven't got a Gig yet. #ShitJokeSunday
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So i saw a woman in town wearing a top that said #totesamaze on it. What would possess you to buy or wear that?πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
My cat is sad because I called him over and said I had a secret to tell him then shouted "NOT REALLY" in his face.
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The pizza in the fridge is calling my name
Sometimes I like being a dick to someone for no reason other than my own amusement
Hella stoked with getting this in the post today
One of my co-workers has just killed a wasp in our tea room and now he's going to microwave it?
"Youtubers are overpaid" said the fan of a football team that pays all their players at least Β£100k a week lol alright then
Ladies and gentlemen, @dekkermetcalfe - helps mumsie with the shopping, reps cool merch and still rides on the trolley thru the car park πŸ˜‚
I swear celebrities could tweet "hi" and the replies would be like "YAAAAAS SLAYYY"
Sometimes you just need to go for a drive alone and listen to music idk it helps
What's people obsession with having their back tickled? I don't get it
When mum asks "who ate the last Kitkat?"
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I don't get it, if you don't like someone or find them irritating why would you follow them and get updates on their life via social media?
The temptation to take my laptop with me to the bath is unreal
Really awkward when someone is like "glo up challenge" and they look the same in both photos πŸ˜…πŸ˜‚
Smoking weed is neither a hobby nor a pastime shut up
I had a strange thought while i was asleep that i'd wake up and it'd be christmas
Hey little monster, I got my eye on you
Feeling on fleek today
Wanna Do - Joe Weller ft. Emil (Official Video): youtu.be/R0WYx9hFbEY?a via @YouTube
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Aint got time for those people that are like "yeah we'll meet up" then never bother to message you again hahahah fuck off
The key to my heart (amongst other things)
I've seen one too many "maga/marbs with the boys/girls" posts to last a lifetime
So i've cracked my phone's screen, again 😀 can't use it at all now πŸ˜“
The same people who listen to trashy consumerist chart music are also super ignorant and uneducated? Ain't that a big fucking surprise
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Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift bickering over the VMA nominations is like two billionaires fighting over a bag of soggy ready salted crisps
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There's a dude at my work in his 30's who always talks to me about listening to Neck Deep, Trash Boat, Boston Manor etc. What a sick guy
That being said, it's one of my favourite songs on deja entendu
Anyone else notice how me vs maradona vs elvis is just jessie lacey describing how much of a fuckboy he is??
When the rapist tries to play the victim
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Is this kid serious? He should be grateful girls even notice him ffs but has the arrogance to boast cheating? NahπŸ˜‚βœ‹οΏ½5w
you want to sleep with other girls then you shouldnt be with her. Fucking morons like this dont deserve a loyal girl twitter.com/cantbelocal/st…
During my trip to the British museum on Saturday I bought these dudes. Introducing; Quaximus, Quackahontis and Olaf Quackson. #duckseverywhere #ducksinarow #duckagram #ducksofinstagram #ducksforlife #ducksfordays #ducksquad #duckstagram
Ticklish people are a great source of entertainment
I'VE HAD A WHOLE DRINK THROWN ON ME FUCK I SMELL LIKE JAGER
Jordan came in the garden wearing a bike helmet and somehow it ended in us fighting. And now i'm bleeding. Oh, alcohol
SHE TEXT BACK. ITS NOT A FAKE NUMBER. YAAAAAAAS πŸŽ‰πŸŽŠ
She wants me to take her number. She's ridiculously attractive wtf
Group of pretty girls on the train talking about having low phone batteries, I offer my portable charger and one said she had a crush on me




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