This MF tied his hammock to a drone and is flying around town like shit gravy 😭G
i love brazilians they be speakin porch of geese and I be like 👅💦💦💦 damn baby quack quack
The police thinking that they are in fast and furious
Had my mobile phone nicked, IN LONDON, a few months ago. As he sped past, the robber said "I'd never dare do this if boris was still mayor" twitter.com/nadinedorries/…
Her: I need me a man who can cook.. Me:
& because I took a domestic flight during my holiday Virgin assumed that I wouldn't want my return flight home so they cancelled it🙄
left my t shirt, flip flops & go pro in New York wp max wp 😅
RT to spread awareness
Any Jungle In Guy?
Linkin Park ft Jay-Z - Numb (Encore).
One of the greatest collaborations ever! RIP Chester Bennington.
do bicep make fidget spinners?
Arguably the most high profile Town fan. So sad to learn of the news, everyone at #itfc
passes on best wishes to Chester's family & friends twitter.com/buzzfeednews/s…
First day as waiter
Boss: Can you clear table 5?
Me: Well I haven't done track and field since high school but. *runs at table..
Now we understand how camo works
I just wanna have a bevvy at a beach bar but I'm 20 and Americans expect you to be 90 with a mortgage before you can have a drink
These kids took my uniform and now they're taking out ad space to taunt me and the cops won't fucking do anything about it
FML delayed by an hour on the runway & they stopped serving bevs so I can't even crack open a cold one!!!
"do you have any pets"
[remembers girls like sensitive guys] a cat
"what's his name"
[remembers girls also like tough guys] missile launcher
Can we admire this blonde woman's attempt to split a minor moshpit up😭😭t4L
What even is Norwich
Y'ALL LOOK AT WHAT THE FIRST LADY OF POLAND DID LMFAOOOOOO
I am not ok
s/o to these fuckers who stole my phone for a couple hours
Right mum that's aboot 5 tokes, pass to the fucking left
Girl: Our Relationship is over.
Me: Our relationship is what? Over.
"Main question is are yous Awryt"
Naw man wit a fried cunt
Imagine busting a nut just to have that nut one day bust you twitter.com/insideedition/…
this is a nice photo until u spot the men next to us
Wife: Why is there a charge for $3,000 to Men's Warehouse?
Me: I have no idea. Don't go outside tho
Well we're only halfway into 2017 but I'm pretty sure you won't find a worse sequence of tweets for worst tweets of the year.
proper fucked it n taken a 7am shift tomorrow after teqqy ffs
How to finesse Brewdog for a free bev #GE2017
This summer is gonna go offf booked boomtown, DC & NYC this week👌🏼
MY BOYFRIEND SENT ME THIS AFTER I FOUND OUT HE CHEATED
Racist xenophobics act hard on twitter but when its on sight...
I remember bowling against this fella on wii sports twitter.com/dailyessex/sta…
@laughingtory @EnglandNewsUK @LBC @NickFerrariLBC
But if everyone smokes it on the streets, we will all get stoned ? maybe young kids too ?
Person with an intense headache: migraines are terrible
Unsuccessful wheat farmer: mine too
Another child star fallen to drugs😔x
Norwich so deaddd this week
happy birthday Cec X
Some next level shit
Aye nothing more I wanna do than to join Isis after a massive spliff ...