That Bassem Youssef guy is pretty cool
If you're depressed, go out for a walk. Look at the sky and be thankful you're alive. Or just sit down and tweet about it. I don't know.
I fear I won't see the day people stop overrating Neymar
I'd rather find my female first actually
Hot females in my area?
I'd rather find hot areas in my female
Boys cum & go. Girls keep cumming.
Since there is no name for when you're eating ice cream and not thinking about anything else, I'll just name it "therapy"
If you're feeling stressed just throw away your to-do list and nap, it worked with me
expectations: using the person next to you as a pillow. reality: using the pillow next to you as a person.
forever seeing girls walking around like this omg pic.twitter.com/1VcEWpmAtl
iPhones are nicer on the outside, Androids are better on the inside.
I'm pretty sure there's something else you can tweet about other than your boyfriend, just give it a shot, we'll be right here.
I'm finally watching "Movie 43" which has pretty much all the actors in the world in it. google it, it's an insane cast
Playing single offline matches on FIFA is incredibly lonely
My daily stats: 94 new followers, 37 new unfollowers via justunfollow.com
How Americans see Britain pic.twitter.com/sUMQlBIQHs
How do fat people have sex?? Serious question?
Seriously people do you ever get bored of tweeting the same shit everyday?!
'Never ever getting back together' is about creativity and your tweets
Sext: I have your phone charger
Dance like there's no tomorrow MY GOD THERES NO TOMORROW WHY ARE WE DANCING
It doesn't matter how old I'm, just give me balloons and I'll put them under my shirt and pretend they're boobs
Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.
A date is basically an interview for sex
I rate my pants by penis accessibility
Great job guys on successfully blaming Islam for the two white, skinny dudes from Russia, bombing the Boston marathon. Great job
Maybe if 5 inch heels come with manuals, some girls would stop walking in them like they got fucked anally with a cactus last night
It would be hilarious if Bigfoot had a tiny penis
Romance 101: I spent all my battery life texting you
-Where do you live?
-Hahahahhahahahaha no seriously, where?
Let me explain it this way, if my brain was a phone I'm currently having a bad signal
Why do I have to go through the agony of dealing with your stupidity everyday, just because your parents felt like having sex one night?
"People think being alone makes you lonely, but I think being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world."
Actually I go to the gym more than I go to school. But I like going alone, so yeah
Christian friends, I’ll never go to church with you. Healthy friends, I’ll never go to the gym with you. Drunk friends, when and where?
There should be 3 options when you get a phone call: answer, decline and who the fuck gave you my number?!
Millions of tweets about 3 people who died in Boston, and not a single one about the civil war in Syria?
You must be a doctor cause I don't understand your tweets
Telling people to "act normal" is a great way to make sure no one does
"Money doesn't buy happiness." - Tweeted via iPhone, live from the jacuzzi
How about finding yourself before finding a significant other?
Me: Can you make me food?
Me: Come on, I’m not feeling well
me: I take care of you all the time!
cat: *licks bum*
I'm loyal to my country, it's called earth.