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Nicki Minaj wants girls to be fine in their own skin when 40 percent of her is *ahem* "exaggerated" for fame.
this carrot on Cottontail Fizz though. #PBE
Makin pancakes Makin Makin pancakes
HYFR (Hell Yeah Finding Rocks)
BF: u have to keep ur animal facts under control tonight
ME: *after 6 beers* aww shit I'm drunker than a common fruit bat y'all
ME: [Landing a Client] Do we have a deal
CLIENT: Got something for me to sign?
ME: [Clutches briefcase] This just holds my meatball sub
this vine is so important to me vine.co/v/ea0OwvPTx9l
If anyone knows a reason why these two should not marry, speak now o—
"SHE PRONOUNCES QUESO 'KWAY-SO'" I yell from beneath the floorboards
ME: can u pick me up in ur claws
DRAGON: go AWAY dammit
ME: can u just put me in ur mouth pls—I wanna look out from ur teeth like im in jail
[meeting of the planets]
Jupiter: ok we're all here to.. *notices small planet w fake mustache in back* WHAT THE HELL? GET OUTTA HERE PLUTO
Call me the potato boy because I play for all the chips! #Wavy
? Tweet us your preference! #intern
Please help. Turns out monkeys need more clothes than I thought.
ME: why is my son failing
TEACHER: just because u gave him that name doesnt mean he'll be intelligent
ME: [gasping] cover ur ears Smartboy
You know you like it but it drives you insane
Today was a really good day :)
ITS THE REMIX TO IGNITION, HOT & FRESH OUT THE KITCHEN, MAMA ROLLIN THAT BODY GOT EVERY MAN IN HERE WISHIN
"Holy fuck me long range" -@Dick_Hammer1
Ian Somerhalder is man-bae
Marshawn Lynch stored chicken wings in his socks while coaching at his youth football camp ble.ac/1HC9XXy
My #1 dawg
Caitlyn Jenner winning the Courage ESPY instead of Eric Berry.. 🐸🍵
cop 1: where'd the body go?
cop 2: you said I could borrow it
cop 1: *pulls gun* you have the right to remains I lent
cop 2: sweet
when she wanna hold hands before marriage
There's an attack on titan movie coming out tomorrow???
Every music video in the early 2000's
Turtles look like they're wearing helmets that are way too big for them.
you fat joke stop pretending we're friends no one knows you .
Find someone you can make fun of and not have to send an apology to after
Why do people stay with someone that makes them unhappy
I have no idea what I'm doing
"Goat that camera out of my face" vine.co/v/MmWbHrr1gpL
Her: "Guys with Blue Eyes 😩😩😍😍😍😍"y7TVne
Ready for Fallout 4? Enter to win a copy here: gleam.io/V2gyG/main-men…
from everyone at @MainMenuLive
Waiting for an edgy Christmas album called Ho-Ho-Hozier....
got bit by a radioactive spider but all i got was incurable spider cancer
Tennis is not a "white sport" btw. I don't know if social justice workers know this but Spanish players are the most predominant
ugh. Why can't people just congratulate Serena twitter.com/nancyleong/sta…
ive put like 12 different TV dinners in front of my flatscreen but it refuses to eat im worried something is wrong
DRAXX THEM SKLOUNST #terries