This is going to haunt me if I don't ask. @JimCarrey
do you know what happened to the robotic rhino in Ace Ventura?
I wonder what happened to the robotic Rhino from Ace Ventura? Bet Jim Carrey holidays in it from time to time.
Ever since that advert, the smell of toast is slightly ruined for me.
No one comes to visit spaghetti head. All will suffer his pasta based wrath.
I wish I could get in more wacky situations with hilarious outcomes. For now I'll settle with placing a bowl of spaghetti on my head...
I just whispered through a toilet cubicle "You can do this. I believe in you." A few seconds later I heard a plop. Helping people feels good
made a bloody funny one too youtube.com/watch?v=4EcNN7…
You can marvel at the way he says "Dood." It'll make yer day!
Not only is @patcanbefound
tweeting now, he made a funny for blaps. You should watch it here youtube.com/watch?v=DayBRp…
as its full of LOLs.
You wake up. You don't remember how you got there. You look in the mirror, you aren't you. Through the window John Cusack mouths "my turn".
Weirdos Blueprint. 27th Oct Stoke Newington: timeout.com/london/comedy/…
Ok, I'm gonna share this vid again. Would love you to give it a look and if you're feeling really nice a RT. youtube.com/watch?v=Cqy2H9…
Don't worry everyone the babies fine it was just my old pig disappearing trick, if you... Oh... Where the hell?... Oh God!
I've done another sketch. You might say this one is a little close to the bone, hahahahaaa... youtube.com/watch?v=Cqy2H9…
If you're on b3ta then you may like my new sketch enough to click as such on it: b3ta.com/links/1074693
I said I wish the Goblins would come and take you away right now to my neighbours baby through the wall and it's suddenly quiet. Im worried.
I dont care what you think of me... This made me smile. Happy Monday buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-hap…
"Has the clown court reached a verdict?"
"We find the defendant guilty of murder"
"I sentence you to 20 years FUNishment"
Manchester people I'm doing a spot at @GTManchester
tomorrow night with other fantastic people included my personal bane @BenTarget
Giant crab appears from the river, he has the face of a man. It smiles and submerges. I watch the bubbles pop and return to my sandwich.
"Get to the chopper!" - ancient Hollywood proverb.
I tried. I couldn't do it, I just couldn't. Tomorrow I swearsies.
one more minute until I go and say Bloody Mary into the mirror three times.
Concept for a joke: "Something about bandwidth" Punchline "Yo momma!"
Love waking up from an afternoon nap relieved to find out it was all a dream...
This is MIND BLOWING! Live demo of projection mapping, all happening in real time youtube.com/watch?v=lX6Jcy…
… I could watch this for hours.
This is pretty cool. I'm guessing its a Kraken though? bbc.co.uk/news/world-asi…
People on the overground looking at me strange, I smell weird because @MattHighton
's cat farted on me #SMWLDN
Sometimes I look into the eyes of the internet and think to myself, you know too much...
You know that little bit of back pain you get? Ever worried its a spider just waiting for the right time to hatch?
If you put your ear to the screen, you can hear the actual moment Channel 4 scrape the bottom of the barrel. independent.co.uk/arts-entertain…
Possibly the oddest thing I've ever made. If you like Candy Crush and oddness you'll like this 10 seconds youtube.com/watch?v=Caxi8l…
Anyone around the UK have an interest in seeing me perform comedy? Come to one of these gigs & you can: jamesacaster.com/gigs.php
Candlestick Makers: Scare customers by appearing front of shop and declaring "You shall be my greatest candle yet!" and chloroforming them.
Butchers: Scare customers by walking out in front of shop with your hands in pigs declaring "There's been a terrible accident!". Collapse.
Bakers: Scare customers by appearing front of shop with your hands in loaves declaring "There's been a terrible accident!" and collapsing.
Newsnight? Brass Eye? Aesthetically it's difficult to tell.
Candy Crush addicts, here's a video for you. youtu.be/Caxi8lHesro
He looked at his hands and could not remember if he was an old man looking at young hands or a young man looking at old hands.
When I'm old, I'll sit alone on trains, a sorrowful look upon my face, whistling quietly the Jurassic Park theme. No one will know why.
Win some great #AdventureTime
swag! RT and enter to win: ow.ly/oZp1R
Viewing a new house, your daughter says there's voices in the cupboards and she made a new friend. ITS NOT FOR YOU GET OUT!!!
I've not blinked for six days now and that includes sleeping... My eyes hurt.
GTA5 didnt arrive. I blame amazon's late delivery for that prostitute I just had to bury.
So tempted to get GTAV this week, lock myself away and return in the spring.
Idea for a new TV format - Talk Shoes: People sit down to talk shoes, Philip Schofield presents.