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Matthew Highton
When I see the ghosts of my ancestors in the reflection of the pool I just shrug and think: no time to be scared now, jump in ya crazy mofo!
Can't wait to kick back on a ship with my wife an BANG!!!! Urghhhh. Damn it that tweet was only 72 characters away from retirement!
I'm working on a Kafkaesque story where a beetle gets turned into a man and the existential crisis he faces trying to get a job thereafter.
Did you know pigeons are incapable of committing suicide?
Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them! I don't care how crazy they are!
You don't see a vampire until 61 minutes into From Dusk til Dawn. 17 years on surprisingly I still love it.
@MattHighton They say the first 1,183 are the hardest...
Retweeted by Matthew Highton
Only 998 817 more until I hit 1 million followers. Thanks all who've been with me all this way. Let's get through this last little push. x
And these clowns... Worst New Years ever.
What happens when you agree to gigs for @lartymcparty and @laughoutlondon? You look great!
Just accidentally swallowed a berocca whole. This is what dragons must feel like.
Today I will be stopping abruptly in the street and proclaiming "the bird IS the word!" like I've had some sort of profound insight.
Tonight's show 'A night in Andy Warhol's Factory' with @laughoutlondon at @CamdenHead will be FUCKING INSANE. Tickets
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The Matrix is fifteen years old this week. Bet they feel stupid now its the future and computers never really took off!
So basically we're incredibly excited about this amazing night on Friday.…
Retweeted by Matthew Highton
I'm just waiting for that one tweet that makes it big.
The Andy Warhol night we're putting on with @WeirdosComedy this Friday is @TimeOut_Comedy's critics choice. We agree!…
Retweeted by Matthew Highton
They're not happy tears.
I'm pretending the smog storm is like the Day After Tomorrow's super storm and it'll kill us all. Now I'm crying remembering the film...
If you're near Trafalgar Square this morning and hear "will you start the fans please!" its already too late for you...
Here's a photo from the test run, note Harrison Ford can't let go of that sphere without serious reprisal (death).
This years fool involves a lot of custard, Dave Benson Philips, your parents & some Saw like traps. I dont wanna ruin it for anyone but WOW!