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When you can't get comfy in bed
so you can roll really good joints? aw man that's cool, you should definitely put that on your CV
HAHAHAHA IM IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD AND IDK WHY, probably cos I haven't really made any human interaction with anyone today but still
When girls get a new bikini
Idk man I proper wanna be Kanye, is it about the money? The wife with the hot body? The nice houses? Nice cars? Nah I just wanna be black
whatever I like kim k with blonde hair, y'all too judgemental cos you know if you changed your hair everyone will compare you to dobby
Idc what you say olly murs - please don't let me go is a tune
My first world problem rn: only my receptionist is authorised to give me parcels and so my security guard won't give me my fucking parcel
I make my breakfast like Dexter does
Ok so my housemates ate half of my loaf of bread cos they're high af, I was like wtf and they sent this
chocolate is all fun & games until you read the nutritional information
Was supposed to get cough medicine but instead I just bought a lot of chocolate & sweets
When you try & convince your parents that you're ill and have to stay in bed
Why do I watch fucked up shit at night
Oh dude what the fuck, I'm watching hostel part 3 and the guy just cut this other guy's face off with a scalpel
I actually dance like will tho
How to be hungry in 6 seconds
I hate being bed bound ill 😷
It's sad when you're shopping online and you notice it was already set to "price (low to high)" cos they know you're a broke ass lil bitch
Does anyone else have a protein shake after sex
Hungry with no food is the worst
mmmm fresh bedsheets ☺️
lmao ok so I talked to some girl tonight, her boyfriend came along and I made him apologise for me talking to his girl, idk what how
I meant autocorrect helps me a lot but still nah fuck drunk texting
Ok no drunk texting doesn't work
If I drunk text it takes me about 5 minutes to compose the message
Every girl the morning after a night out