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jaden smith has escaped
i haven't tweeted in ages, but it's easter so i'm gonna resurrect like jesus, it's mesus, happy fucking easter you slags
this is the cat that visits me when times are hard at uni, knocks on my door and asks if i'm coming out
if you are cold, stand in a corner corners are 90 degrees
if i was a dog, i would be this dog
i want to enter a wet tshirt contest; i think i can win:
the new shrek film is a bit deep
i want this secret room
Some collect their grandad bruv this is tooo jokes😭😭Ov3
Retweeted by marni
just realised it's march... which means spring is just round the corner
whiteboards are remarkable ...🌚
Remember guys, from today it's a £200 fine & 6 pts on your license if you're caught HOLDING your phone whilst driving.
Retweeted by marni
i need a bedroom like this
naps are so deceiving, they promise you rest & wellness but leave you with a cloudy headache & inescapable drowsiness
what if ducks threw bread back at you'd have to duck
pros and cons of making food pros: food cons: making
"oi look at this"
mentos should print small messages on their mints such as "you're amazing" or "looking good" and call them complimentos
when ur lowkey lonely af
i had to buy my brother dinner, he asked for butterflied seabass from m&s fucking £8??? the pescatarian twat
the most accurate portrayal of my life:
smelling good is one of my main priorities
if i have ever offended you: 1. i'm so sorry 2. it won't happen again 3. 1 & 2 are lies 4. you're a pussy
this is 100% me
january revision:
i just ate a whole chicken that served 3 people and i'm disgusted that i'm still hungry
if u say my name 3 times in front of a mirror at midnight, i'll appear and probably go to ur fridge, take some things and leave
social anxiety is horrible and if you've ever made someone feel this way you're the worst type of person
remember being a little cunt and sending someone this:
if you don't strategically eat your food so that the last bites to go in your mouth are the tastiest, look at your life
cold weather makes me want to hibernate
new clothes will always make me happy
i'm going to eat nothing less than 10,000 calories today
do not worry about what gifts you get today, don't be materialistic, happiness should derive from spending time with close ones💝
me: *wakes up* cat: merry christmas m8
grow through what you go through
it's my dad's birthday, and he's washing my mum's car... this guy is always doing the most to keep her happy
when you are dead, you do not know that you are dead, all of the pain is felt by others the same thing happens when you are stupid
there's this brown fluffy cat who occasionally greets me before i go into my house at uni, and it's my only source of happiness
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