2016 presidential elections:
"i don't like your driving"
every time i watch the olympics, i think to myself, fuck i wish my parents made me do a sport from a young age
i am questioning my sanity as i keep seeing the same excessively overweight gentleman eating a meal on different benches around my town
i just want everyday to be stress-free
I know I've had a heavy weekend but am I actually seeing a Llama in the river outside our office.
me & my bro simultaneously opened a can of coke, realised that we were both in sync, and then without saying anything, we touched coke cans
i spend a lot of time in the mirror for someone who is ugly af
just tried this on my gf. she is now non verbal and has a fit every time she sees the colour green. twitter.com/SexualGif/stat…
mcdonald's workers rly are special, spent £4.98 paid with a £50 note, this guy gave me £65.02 back, thanks for paying me to eat ur shit food
if you meow at my cat persistently she replies with a meow and rolls on her back - works every time
don't ask how i figured that out
those modern refrigerators which repeatedly beep at you if the door is left open - fuck you i'm browsing here
fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me three time... drop the fucking album twitter.com/NME/status/749…
"Couple tings had free yard as well kmt"
england you're a failure at everything
if you're looking for inspiration, think about how shit jeremy corbyns life is right now, and how he is still manages to carry on
i don't think the pharmacist liked me
just bought a bacon roll for £2.40, am i a dickhead, i could of ate grass for free like a vegan
my cat is so jokes, she got bullied by this one big bird and now she's scared of all of them