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If I love napping so much why don't I marry it? Because such union isn't recognized by my state government. You know nothing of my struggle.
I need a good twitter housecleaning...
Get rid of all these f*ckers who unfollowed...
Fuck it, I'll star and RT all my tweets.
Today is a very sad day i made a cake and i couldn't even finish one slice!! Im sick i tell ya sick!
If you're going to be asking for forgiveness, don't talk with a mouth full of fries...i mean lies! Man im really bad at this.
Some people will push you away & expect you to return, only to push you away again. Those who play hard to get, become easy to forget.
#bam Cell just rang and scared the shit out of me.
Since when do phones ring?
#threewords familyguy is on!!!
#threewords football is better!!
#threewords not enough chocolate!
Set my expectations low for today, and nailed it!
Thanks for texting me to tell me you called. Now I have twice as many things to ignore.
This is gonna be a life changing tweet.........................just kidding
I'll share my wisdom but never my fries.
Golf commentators need to stop talking like they're watching porn.
Yeah yeah yeah FOOTBALL is better!!
I need more cookies in my life.
Some people shouldn't grow mustaches. Like your girlfriend for instance.
That moment when you pour a bowl of cereal and realize there's no milk so you sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people.
Ummm yeah I got nothin. Keep scrollin.
If anyone ever tells you that you eat too much pizza, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
Is it weird that i love butter pecan icecream but without the pecans?? ...... nah
I felt weird licking chocolate off my shirt until I realized there was some on my pants too.
#truestory Can't lie, I still get a kick out of some people's names on here.
Just call me a hopeless romantic
Why would I pay a hundred bucks to go listen to a comedian when I get to listen to all of you for free?!
I know one day I'm gonna come up with a killer tweet, I just don't think today is that day though.
I really want to eat a nice healthy salad....
Preferably one made out of chocolate cake ;)
Tweet and delete.
Because sometimes those random thoughts that pop into your head should stay there.
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
It must be your tweets cuz it ain't your face.
#bam I don't know about y'all but i see alot of bbq's and its time for me to be friendly to the neighbors
#freeload Don't we all wish that we could trade our heart for another liver? That way, we could drink more and care less.
I don't buy that everyone thinks their kid is cute. There has to be a few that look at that new baby & think, "Shit. He better be funny."
If its not "just add water" then I will "just not make it"
#bam "Think before you tweet"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Yeah. That's never going to happen.
You eat six snack packs and all of a sudden you're "gross"
Why are me an
@MISTRE353 ruining the weekend?
#FuckItIGuess I already know Ive been bad.
so at this point it's go big, or go home.
Remember guys:
When she says, "Alright! Fine!! Just do whatever you want!"
You win! You can do whatever you want without any consequences!
You had your chance...tick tock tick tock.
Either im really Hungary or i can smell fried chicken every where i go.
I like shiny things.
No, no, not jewelry. Glazed donuts.
Get rich or buy great value.
Sometimes i wish i was somewhere else atleast for a day.
Don't trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
I don't always say a lot, but when I do, it's awkward for everyone...