I stand corrected the #bestbernicemoment
is when @Bernice_SBTow
drives porky in a parade down the road beeping horn lmao.
ever is when she tore the the fake baby costume of jmoneys stalker and tore that bit€h up @Bernice_SBTow
That guy had all the nerve to spit on bernice oh shi#$t #SouthBeachTow
I don’t make typos. I make new words. #funny #lol
Relationships are like farting, if you push too hard, things could get messy real fast.
Science Fact: If you took all the veins out of your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
Say no to drugs… Then again, if you’re talking to drugs, you may already be on drugs.
Sarcasm: Because beating someone in the face with a shovel is illegal
Sharks aren’t the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in just a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
So they pay $1 million for commercials of starving kids but they can’t feed them?
Skinny jeans are like calories. Easy to put on, impossible to take off.
Silly phone, that wasn’t a missed call. That was a I looked and saw who it was and pressed ignore call.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once.
Somebody needs to invent an alarm clock that releases the smell of bacon.
Son: Hey dad! How do you spell accident? Dad: Y… o… u…
Sometimes, when I am talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts.
Teacher: How can we keep the school clean? Me: By staying at home.
The dumb moment when you walk into a room and you don’t remember WHY
The idiot in horror movies who suggests ‘We should spilt up’
The most overused line in movies and tv shows is, So, i guess this is goodbye.
The world is not full of assholes. But, they are strategically placed so that you’ll come across one every day.
There’s a difference between… okay okay? okay… okayy and.. k.
They should definitely have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
THEY’RE going THERE with THEIR friends. Seriously it’s not rocket science.
Whenever I delete text messages, I feel like I’m deleting evidence.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you’ve been doing since you were 15..
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I have ever wanted in a friend.
Every person has a unique tongue print.
The smallest deed is better than the greatest intention. -John Burroughs
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same. -Carlos Castaneda
.... tomorrow night on #mikeandmolly
more like mades girls haha to funny pic.twitter.com/mCe4x4zc9K
I'm so excited.... Melissa McCarthy is back on #mikeandmolly
I cannot wait.
Your kidding me @theviewtv
someone would actually pay to see that man? #Embarrassed
Watchin last weeks episode of #SnookiandJWOWW
so funny the cake scene of snooki and Jenny
is on tonight. .... a new episode. . Can't wait
Now that's what is for Dinner. . Sure looks yummy. Taco stuffed shells pic.twitter.com/ugSZZZm6yp
Nothing like a homemade meal on a cold day #suffingballs pic.twitter.com/p6OUuDBUn5
“You cannot do a kindness too soon,
for you never know how soon it will be too late.”
“A word to the wise ain’t necessary,
it’s the stupid ones who need the advice.”
“Knowing is not enough;
we must apply.
Willing is not enough;
we must do.”
“A man travels the world over
in search of what he needs,
and returns home to find it.”
“Try to learn something about everything
and everything about something.”
40% of McDonalds profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
It takes longer to lie than tell the truth.
It takes about 10% longer to read from a screen than paper.
A penguin can not walk backwards.