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luke
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Only a fraction of women are crazy… and that fraction is 10/10
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ATTENTION ALL MEN: women are using date rape drugs called blowjobs to lure men into scams called relationships.
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Universities have Women Studies, but no Men Studies. That's pretty sexist, but then I realized we do have Men Studies. It's called History
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Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman
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Who's all going out to UAF?
Joan Rivers died doing what she loved... Getting a surgery
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I walked into a Chinese buffet, there was a sign on the door saying 'no dogs’. I thought its good that they've updated their menu.
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Why do black people smell so bad? You only get 3 minutes to shower in prison
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I like dating black girls. Because I don't have to meet their dads.
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What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding? At the funeral there's one less drunk guy.
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Where do black people do their shopping? Mostly in our homes.
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What does every black fairytale begin with? "Once upon a crime..."
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The only time you hear "white" on Crimewatch is when a witness is describing the clothes of a black man.
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They should make a Rosetta Stone that helps men understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
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I saw a woman smoking with her baby in the car and it made me feel disgusted with the world we live in. Who lets a woman drive?
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Sex without love is like ice cream without sprinkles… still pretty fucking awesome
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My girlfriend caught me blow drying my penis and asked what I was doing. Apparently, "heating your dinner" was the wrong answer
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I waved at my ex today... Next time I might use all my fingers
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I pray that my haters live long enough to see me winning
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What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a jacuzzi? Vegetable soup.
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What's the most painful thing about being a pedophile? Stepping on a piece of lego as you leave.
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I like to wear my glasses when I'm having sex. That way my eyes are protected from the pepper spray.
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I was asked the other day what I look for in women. Apparently 'my cock' is not an appropriate answer.
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@TooSexist: I was asked the other day what I look for in women. Apparently 'my cock' is not an appropriate answer.” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@TooSexist: What are the useless flaps of skin around a vagina called? A woman.”😂😂
My wife just whispered in my ear, "You know what's really dirty?” I whispered back, "The dishes. Now get the fuck back in the kitchen."
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This week has been fun and suppose to be fun Saturday night too!
Austin and nick think they're getting my brand new switchbacks tomorrow😂 in your dreams guys
All I want is this damn snow
High school cheerleading is not a sport
I shoulda have made it rain today pic.twitter.com/0H5bEDNlmL
A visual representation of how it feels when your leg falls asleep. vine.co/v/OaYu1ugqjOO
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Why the fuck is terrorism so funny to you? pic.twitter.com/TWc9NZ9Sej
Those fuckers In front of us at the game were so annoying. OMG😑😑
Someone text me 907-687-0312
Gonna hate me for my wheel cover😏pic.twitter.com/pbSEJgYSumm
Just broke up last night and you are already looking for a rebound...😂😂 smh
Oh you don't like my music ? Then get out mi caaar
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What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You stop milking a cow after 13 years.
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I threw a nice 9/11 party earlier today… Then my Muslim neighbors crashed it
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I'm a free-man now, my last name was meant for something