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can you not
me: *never studies* me: what the FUCK?? who is making these exams we never even went over this!! its like they want us to fail on PURPOSE
you ever just listen to someone and think to yourself “why are you like this?”
you’ve been hit by you’ve been struck by a smooth criminal
girls hate kim k and bring up that she sucked dick to get famous but you bitches suck dick and barely get a text back sooo
you have to text your girl all day. she's going to think it's cute but really the goal is to kill her battery so she can't text other guys
Why are middle school girls skipping the awkward stage & going straight to pretty? No no, you get braces &wear blue eyeshadow. Do your time.
I only accept "K" from my mom
the closest I'll get to having a Valentine's Day date
"shut up mom, this isn't a phase. this is the REAL me"
me being rude: shut the fuck up me being polite: please shut the fuck up
do u ever take a good pic of urself and use it for everything & then look at it one day and ur like omg this is actually the worst pic ever
I'm glad they protected the stoats identity.
When bae doesn't like the new selfie you posted
Don't u hate when an eyelash gets in ur eye and you go blind and feel betrayed b/c eyelashes are supposed to protect u & not stab ur eyeball
2015 goals: to be as happy as these turtles
does anybody else have that friend that you’re pretty sure is your soulmate but in a friend way
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on
"mom can you buy me a skateboard?" "what for?"
i get awkward when someone compliments me and idk what to say someone: you look pretty today me: happy birthday
when an ugly guy hits on your best friend
no no i don't need your help i can fuck this one up on my own
Having celebrity crushes is better than having real life crushes because at least you know for a fact that you don't have a chance
family member: what are you doing with your life? me: it's a surprise
I shouldn't be laughing as hard as I am
Girls can't find their car keys, shoes or chapstick but we can sure remember something you said 8 months ago.
when u actually take a decent selfie
My goal in 2015 is to accomplish the goals of 2014 which I should have done in 2013 because I made a promise in 2012 and planned in 2011
"you look tired, are you???" "no, im just ugly"
IF U DO NOT LIKE ME: 1. Me neither 2. I don’t care
why do adults say "you shouldve peed before you left/class started" like i cant just summon my pee whenever i want like "o pee come forth"
mom: who's your phone wallpaper? me: my boyfriend mom: can i meet him? me: not before i do mom: what? me: what?