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pretty girls who are pretty even when they're looking their worst make me so sad because i'm ugly even when i'm looking my best
Top 10 things men understand about women:
putting 'official' in your username to let all of your 37 followers know it's the real you
im like a kitten i need attention and i need to curl up next to you and i need you to pet me and tell me im cute.
I feel like I’m going to be that aunt who drinks vodka straight out of the bottle and ruins Christmas.
ew, you’ve seen yourself naked? you’re such a slut
people on the internet are so great….we all just seem to click
They don't miss you, they just miss the attention you used to give them.
me: will anybody ever find me attractive?
7 billion people: no
get ur cute relationship out of my sight can’t you see i’m busy being alone bitter and disgusting
*casually puts earlier date on assignment before turning it in to make it look like i’m not a procrastinating piece of shit*
studies show that i am a fucking idiot
Imagine one day you become a celebrity, and the media expose all your photos from the past.
DO NOT GET A CRUSH EVER
THEY CALL IT A CRUSH CAUSE IT CRUSHES UR SOUL AND EVERYTHING U STAND FOR
Me after I'm done ignoring someone:
hey, sorry, I just got your text
don’t :) fucking :) comment :) on :) what :) i :) eat :) or :) how :) i :) eat :) it :) or :) why :) i’m :) eating :) it :) asshole :)
One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.
hot people are always hotter when you find out how nice they are.
i used to think i was unphotogenic then i found out i was just ugly
you’re important to me u piece of shit
"Did you do the homework?"
"Okay good me neither, I'm not the only one."
Fat bitches will dance all night at the club, but won't run for 10 minutes on a treadmill.
You want to see a perfect relationship? Watch a movie.
Birthday at age 5: "Wow! Look at all the presents!"
Birtday Now: "Damn, Look at these notifications!"
I use hun not hon because you are not my honey, you are my fierce warrior
im trying to be more positive *sheds electrons and becomes highly unstable*
i hate teachers who give homework over break like do u not understand what a break is do u want me to demonstrate on ur neck
Don't drink water, fishes fuck in it.
you’re so fucking cute I just want to kiss your cute stupid face and cuddle the shit out of you and hold your fucking hand and I hate you
"I need to pass this class"
*starts calculating what I need to get on tests and quizzes instead of actually studying for the class*
I get jealous but I'm stubborn. I won't say shit. I just throw my lil attitude and call it a day.
if I see your phone and you have 0 messages I know you're hiding something
me in the hunger games: what's the wifi code for this arena?
i'm even more in love with you cuz you don't know i exist
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun
how can lawyers argue without crying
my only redeeming quality is my ability to know what song is playing 2 seconds after it starts
it does not matter how slow u go as long as u do not stop. unless u r my internet you better quicken up the pace u disgusting piece of shit
I hate when the teacher stands next to my desk while I'm answering my exam. like fuck out of here bitch. I'm trying to cheat.
Person1: "Finally he stopped smoking"
Person2: "Oh really??? How?"
Person1: "He died"
Some people come into our lives , leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives , make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
Need to warm your hands up?
Stick them in the toaster.
when someone has a nickname, calling them by their real name sounds weird
I’m not in the mood to exist