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Elizabeth Gillies
To the person who commented, "HAVE FUN NO BALLS," while it made me laugh, I'm pretty sure you know that's not the same as "good luck."
Tried. Turns out I don't have the steady hands for it. Had to turn to the professionals! RT "@Queen_Seeker: Is this a DIY thing, Liz?”
My sweet little cat, Bodhi, is about to get his testicles cut off. Let's all wish him luck! instagram.com/p/s-H13wNw1D/ pic.twitter.com/67EsLsLo7p
4 years ago, I gave these 2 up for adoption. Today as I visit, I'm #thankful they haven't lost their love for music. pic.twitter.com/8IXVakPjGL
Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere in the world, there is a duck watching you.
Retweeted by Elizabeth Gillies
A type of frog called the “horror frog” will break its own bones to make claws out of them and use them as defensive weapons.
Retweeted by Elizabeth Gillies
God, I hate the sun.
The Home Alone soundtrack has been playing in my head on loop since I woke up this morning. I'm not mad about it, I just wish it made sense.
Fine. RT "@gumballwizard: Hey it's ok don't beat yourself up. Look,it's a baby hippo 🌴pic.twitter.com/qmS1AGF1UKK”
My tweet this AM should've read "*should've been born." NOT "supposed to have been born." Revolting grammar. I'm so sorry. I hate me more.
people look at me like I have the LG Chocolate when I ask for an iPhone 4 charger
Retweeted by Elizabeth Gillies
Just now in Heaven, God picked up my dusty ID card & said, "Shit! She was supposed to have been born in 1940! She's probably sooo pissed."
Should I ever enter Hell, I firmly believe the sound that will greet me as I walk in will be thousands of dogs licking themselves.
Would karaoke-ing 2 nights in a row be considered "addict" behavior?
I feel like Eminem spits when he sings.
There are many, many boring people out there. Try not to hang out with any of them.
I have a sick obsession with eavesdropping on middle aged first dates.
"Not working today, huh?" "No." "Well, then. Lucky you." This has been an excerpt from "How to Shame Your Passenger" starring my driver.
I wish I could be wearing one of the Tupas from Defending Your Life right now.
My dog just told me she got a job at TV Guide. I'm happy that she's getting to live her dream but sad that she won't be around as much.
"I don't need a receipt." RT "@LizGOnline: what on earth did you say to him that sparked that kind of conversation”
"I'm taking this pill. It's called, "Live Forever." All you do is take one EVERY DAY and you can stay 10 FOREVER!" - My 55 year old cashier
*ARE over 180 ways to say Penis. RT "@Know "There is over 180 ways to say Penis."
That thing of when you stumble across a very sad voice memo of yourself singing & playing "We're All Alone" by Rita Coolidge in full.
Singing in my living room with a microphone. RT "@DaniellaMonet: @LizGillies only an hour to go before your songs up! #inbed #sleeptexting
I am in a karaoke MOOD & I might just do something about it.
Morning workout at @CardioBarreBW with @DaniellaMonet. You can tell by my face that I'm very relaxed. pic.twitter.com/5GG2FDJ9zg
I'm not not watching Fear Factor.
All of your best babysitters were drunk
Retweeted by Elizabeth Gillies
Happy Friday, everybody. (See, I'm so happy I'm actually smiling for a picture) instagram.com/p/slT0aptwz6/
Carrots & hummus are SO good but you know what's better? Cake & Chips & Salsa & Pizza & Fries & Bagels.
Wonderful article. Check it out. RT "@vulture: @julieklausner on Joan Rivers: vult.re/1lKnac1
I'm glad that all the cashiers at Trader Joe's are having fun but I'm in a rush.
Joan Rivers had a library-style filing cabinet containing 1000s of jokes that she wrote. Hilarity + hard work = genius.
Retweeted by Elizabeth Gillies
Joan Rivers. :( If you are young and only know her from Fashion Police, watch the doc "A Piece of Work" to see what a true pioneer she was!
Retweeted by Elizabeth Gillies
Joan Rivers was one of my favorite people to watch & one of my greatest inspirations. My heart goes out to her family.
Beyond devastating. We lost the king & queen of comedy this summer. At least we know everyone in heaven will be thoroughly entertained.
I would love to be eating a pizza right now.
"Gluten-free pancakes & a cup of coffee. That's bliss for me." - My Driver letting me know
I can't tell you how excited I am for summer to be over.