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Matt Allard

Some days I wear all black and then sometimes, like today, I wear every color at once, like a clown without make-up.
Look where I am! Omg the picture doesn't even do it justice!
I could spend 2 hours in the cereal aisle trying to decide. This is not a joke.
I want to run into someone I haven't seen in awhile, be told I look great, then wonder for the rest of the day whether it was sincere.
Dreamed that I was back in high school and studying Ukrainian, and I'd missed the first 3 classes. So fun!
Forgot I tweeted this the other night. It's so "me" though. It was my 33rd birthday.…
I said I'd be right back but I've been laying on a bed upstairs for the last 30 minutes.
Sometimes I can't decide what to do, so I do nothing and then suddenly it's 4 hours later.
Even though it's this week, I'm not one of those people who constantly reminds everyone it's his birthday week, even though it's this week.
Maybe one of my most favorite photos I've ever taken is this one I took today. It makes me happy.……
Music as an experience... Why Vinyl Is the Only Worthwhile Way to Own Music…
Going to see that new movie. What's it called? Fabulous Bitches And Where To Get Some.
I am turning 33 on Wednesday and I'm pretty sure my metabolism did a record scratch in the last week.
It's Friday and the weather is so beautiful you could almost forget there are bigoted white men that think they deserve to control you.
I want to say it started when I upgraded to Sierra. Safari looks more normal, but I don't like Safari.
Tech question! I'm using the latest version of Chrome on my 2014 MacBook Air. Images in browser generally appearing over saturated. Any fix?
We should all just register as muslims and then all they'd have is a phone book.
Slender Man is terrifying unless you think of him as a compliment.
I am trying to find the energy to attempt some physical fitness but also kinda have my eye on the sweet surrender of being L.A. undesirable.
I like how nobody owns the moon, how it doesn't belong to anyone and it doesn't give a fuck.
Saturday nightttttt! RT if you're eating bread!
Honestly wish aliens would attack us so we'd quit fighting each other.
I saved the newspaper on the day Obama was first elected. This year I wish I had a hamster whose cage needed bedding.
My psych said when I'm feeling tired I should turn on some lights & I was like, please just refill my prescriptions for another 3 months.
If you got me, I got you.
Well actually, I don't think I can watch.
The election as entertainment. Also! We live in the damn future. Holograms & digital buildings & tech activated by……
I feel weak. If you could just gently place the Shake Shack into my mouth I would be so grateful.
And then Trump would be shown in a confessional saying, "I'm not here to make friends!"
If this were really a reality show (& it mostly has been), producers would release Trump's tax returns today.
This is crazy how all of this is happening while Lauren's gone.
Some of y'all will be facing long lines at the polling stations tomorrow. Bring a book, stick it out, VOTE.…
Retweeted by Matt Allard
All day I can't stop looking at the clock and thinking what time it actually is... whiskey time.
Wow. I like to lay down. It is good.
Excited to spend the next month trying to remember how to change the clock in my car!
Fall body coming along realllllly nicely.
Yep, the rumors are true. @moonlightmov is ~that~ good. Thanks for making it @BandryBarry + @A24. Hope everyone get……
Missed UPS. Delivery got redirected to a certified spot for me to pick it up. And that's how I ended up at a place called Victoria's Touch.
Well shoot, now I wanna be part of a team!
My dog has super hearing and if I get a cut my body has the ability to heal itself over a matter of weeks. We're basically The Avengers.
It's fall in Los Angeles if you can even believe it. |
I'm really dreading daylight savings time, as well as the end of the world.
If there's ever a word missing from my tweets, that's when you get to fill it in with one of your own.
What if got stuck in your Halloween costume?
If you like seeing men scream in slow motion, I recommend televised sports.
I love having a tail.
wha ha happened to baby jj
My mood is dogs in raincoats.
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