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Matt Allard
Wow. This was my summer. I'm really proud of myself and I love being able to do this.
Daddy's little ham. 💝
The difference between 80°F and 90°F is like the difference between 6pm and 9pm.
I not only want to unsubscribe, I want to unsubscribe so fast and hard that it makes your head jerk back.
New @vervecoffee at the west end of Melrose in Weho. Lots of outdoor space and indoor space and colored floor tiles and shiny things that you like to whip your phone out for. Also, they have coffee.
Maybe that's ageist? I guess I just mean this is what we do now. This is what we ALL do.
Wild. People—looking at them—you'd never expect, suddenly standing for a top-down coffee Instagram picture. Like, your Grandpa is doing it.
Snacks for dinner.
When your husband giggles at a bad photo of you but it doesn't matter 'cause he's already stuck with you. Forever.
Retweeted by Matt Allard
Yikes, I have been listening to that new Justin Bieber song all day. Is this self-loathing?
It's really beginning to feel like we are on the constant brink of disaster.…
Is this real though? The article still has pre-prepared placeholders.…
A little more August. #fromwhereistand
I want to slam a decision.
Thankful when I get an opportunity to have a new experience. Thankful when my battery keeps its charge till the last shot of the night. Thankful when a trip is over I get to find myself back at home. | #FromthePassengerSeat #RoadTripATT #sponsored by @att
Stumbled upon the second to last day of the @goincase pop-up exhibit this afternoon. If you like color and pattern (I do, I do!) try to go tomorrow. Cool to see the intersection of art/design/function: #IncaseFairfax.
80°F at 8am if ya nasty.
I didn't know my zipper was down until my crotch got stuck on a cabinet drawer.
"Is it my day or not?" (Who sits like this!?) #NationalDogDay
It is #NationalDogDay so today I am going to sing my dog 3 more made-up gibberish songs than usual.
3/3 It's been 16 years. Still plenty of guns to go around, and the most terrible things we can imagine are still happening in reality.
2/3 Reminds me of The WB pulling the s3 finale of Buffy in the wake of Columbine bc it showed students arming themselves during graduation.
1/3 USA Network is postponing tonight's Mr Robot finale because it features a scenario similar to the tragedy this morning in Virginia.
Taking shelter in this .gif today via @The_Rumpus. It makes me smile:
Sometimes I will catch myself thinking something crazy, like, "I wish there were sports on TV tonight."
Happy Birthday to my mom, who is never even on Twitter, but this is a thing we do, just shouting our feelings into the ether! I love you!
"Sweetie, you look skinny. Are you getting enough burritos to eat?"
Oh cool. I'm wearing the same thing in this as I am in my avatar. I'm like a cartoon character. This is my outfit forever.
It's too warm to have this much personality.
Wow I really want to shave my head, but this too shall pass.
The day I care about a celebrity baby bump is the day something equally fucking rare and disastrous will happen to me.
My dog's life goal appears to involve being able to carry two stuffed toys at once.
Kind of obsessed with this bamboo behind our house that has died and turned gold. 💛
Highland Park, Los Angeles please keep an eye out for Che!…
Was sorta fun to see #FearTheWalkingDead's big premiere action scene happen under the 6th St Bridge, where everyone currently Instagrams.
You have read 3 of 5 free stories for this month. After that, you will have to Google the headline to continue reading the news for free.
Wonderful dogs allowed. #coffeeshopvibes
I typed "beautiful calm" but my phone changed it to "beautiful clam." Ah, life! #😌
Imagine being one of those authors so popular that they sell tickets to your book tour.
Tonight I made each of us a Negroni and used Gran Classico instead of Campari. Cheers, weekend!
I have enough hair to put it in a topknot. And if I really hated you, I would.
I like to lie very still and feel my heartbeat and not think of anything.
Why have my own kids when I can sit in my house and listen to the neighbor's scream and cry?
Often my strongest memories are tied to music, the song or album I couldn't stop listening to, over and over, at that certain point in my life: The National's "Boxer," Volcano Choir, Poliça. So a good, long drive is always gonna have a soundtrack. Today it would definitely include the new album from
Just stubbed my toe and hit a real 90's Mariah Carey high note. Holy moly.
My Twitter feed is more follow recommendations based on who people I follow are following than tweets from people I'm actually following.
Feelings, sometimes.

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