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Matt Allard
I can't imagine the kind of joyless person that wouldn't want to follow me on social medias.
I'm going to shout out the car window at people who are walking, "Good job. You're doing great!"
Just read that our eyes dilate 45% when we see someone attractive, and now I understand why mine dilate 100% when I see Ryan Gosling.
I'm happy it is Saturday.
If you're interested in reading some of my fiction: Order a paperback of my book "Pops and Clicks" this weekend! We'll send you the digital version for FREE so you can start reading right away on your mobile, iPad, or computer. 👉 www.PopsAndClicks.com
If someone says they're blessed I usually reply that I'm blessed to be blessed because it's important to always one-up everyone.
When I say "it's cool that you're going to Coachella" what I mean is "thank you for leaving L.A."
Treating myself to a car wash. Such extravagance! What luxury!
My posture when sitting on a stool can best be described as "bleh."
Second time in 3 days at @sweetrosecreamery for carrot cake/cream cheese ice cream cos my body is a temple of yum. pic.twitter.com/WoMe0BdBwr
Stopped at a light? Try making eye contact with the super attractive person in the next car just before they speed out of your life forever.
This is bonkers. No sense make. appl.me/UGCh (via @danstorch, @gblakeman)
What's protocol if I think the man next to me at the coffeeshop is writing a ransom note?
Feeling so hungry I literally inhaled my lunch just now! Shoved it right up my nose! I'm in the ER!
My new favorite emoji is this one 😌 called "the way chill face."
There is carrot cake and cream cheese ice cream at @sweetrosecreamery, and there is also carrot cake and cream cheese ice cream in my tummy.
I feel like I'm just throwing money away when I toss my money into the trash and leave it there.
"I couldn't help but notice it's now 5 o'clock, and my dinner bowl remains empty. Were you aware? Did you know?" pic.twitter.com/PyTbRk2glq
I hope you have a great Monday, even if you never wanted to get out of bed! pic.twitter.com/L9LZNIUfA6
My cat is missing, and my heart is breaking. Last seen in Los Feliz area near Rowena Reservoir. Pls RT. Pls help. pic.twitter.com/QweMNVpQmQ
Retweeted by Matt Allard
Horse and I are excited to head out for #cicLAvia today!
A picture perfect Saturday morning at handtheh. #regram @lifeserial @ The Hart + The Hunter instagram.com/p/mae1tDy5Fi/
Retweeted by Matt Allard
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned; it's been 3 weeks since my last coffee photo.