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Libertiii

535 followers
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at least my room is a bigger mess than me
Retweeted by Libertiii
my soul mate is most likely a grilled cheese
Retweeted by Libertiii
shower me in various black items of clothing and hundred dollar bills
Retweeted by Libertiii
Alcohol is the push-up bra for personalities.
Retweeted by Libertiii
when children do things and u just wanna murder them
Retweeted by Libertiii
Listening to drake at the gym, people think this is sweat rolling down my face but it’s actually tears
Retweeted by Libertiii
nothing’s worse than when your mom leaves you in a checkout line and you’re up next but she hasn’t come back yet
Retweeted by Libertiii
accidentally forgetting your earbuds at home is like accidentally leaving your first born child at the gates of hell
Retweeted by Libertiii
fall is amazing because guys with thick, dark hair and beards wear flannels and nice pants and wow they look so good
Retweeted by Libertiii
You can't always be the sharpest tool in the shed. But you CAN be the hoe.
Retweeted by Libertiii
I thought I lost 5 pounds but it turns out my sweatpants just came untied.
Retweeted by Libertiii
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is satan's chariot.
Retweeted by Libertiii
If you don't have anything nice to say, say it louder.
Retweeted by Libertiii
It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown and still fewer to ignore someone completely.
Retweeted by Libertiii
The best way to get out of student loan debt is to die. #LifeHack
Retweeted by Libertiii
Every Friday is a constant battle between my desire to wear pajamas and my desire to get laid.
Retweeted by Libertiii
Never date a man who is prettier than you. #LifeRules
Retweeted by Libertiii
I'm not interested in the PG-version of life.
Retweeted by Libertiii
Whatever it is, I usually go after the biggest piece.
Retweeted by Libertiii
You can tell how bad someone's last relationship was by how loudly they yell "cancel out my ex I put a line through that bitch" in My Way
Retweeted by Libertiii
college is like when you go from 1st place to 11th in mario kart because you slipped on your own banana
Retweeted by Libertiii
mom grab the champagne, I got 5 likes on my selfie
Retweeted by Libertiii
i hate it when kids are assholes you cant even punch them or anything cause theyre like 9 and they know this those smug little shits
Retweeted by Libertiii
i dont need a date i need cash
Retweeted by Libertiii
*Me while driving* "That was illegal but it's okay."
Retweeted by Libertiii
 




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