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Best. Comment. Ever.
I've had a few people call me today with job offers and I've noticed this eally well spoken and articulate phone voice just happens to me πŸ˜‚
I hate when people say "eugh that song/album/artist is so old, why do you listen to it?" Does it matter? Music doesnt have an expiry date
Ordering dominos will make everything okay
Great night at Facedown
I need someone to look after me today. I feel fragile
I swear I was in facedown for less than 5 minutes last night and someone took my top off me πŸ˜‚ what even
Using WhatsApp to figure out the names of the people that are texting me this morning. I'm so smart
Fuck sake, I gave my number out so many times last night its going to be awkward when someone texts me bcos i'll be like yh who is this lmao
I nearly pulled a lass over to dance, then I realised a dude with long hair
I'm ready to go out either 4 hours early or 1 hour too late
Love opening a @bulmerscider and it goes flat straight away. Not impressed! Doubt i'll be buying more any time soon
Do you ever have one of those moments when you say something brutally honest and immediately cover it up with a "haha i'm joking"
You know it's hard times when you have to scrape together all of your pennies just to pay for your KFC
If my replies seem really blunt then i'm either busy with something or I really don't want to talk to you. Have fun figuring out which 😊
That awkward moment when your sim is better looking than you πŸ˜’
When you nut and she keep on sucking πŸ˜‚…q
( there was a spelling mistake in my last tweet so i deleted it and reposted shh dont tell anyone )
I know i've grown up because now when I play the sims I don't create a house where I live with my parents anymore. Independent y0
Person 1: "Hey, did you hear about that shooting in America?" Person 2: "Which one?" That's when you know there's a problem.
Nah microsoft edge, ur alri βœ‹
Retweeted by Lew
If you've ever retweeted one of them "RT IN THE NEXT 10 SECONDS OR ELSE BAD LUCK" tweets, you are a full blown dickhead in life.
Retweeted by Lew
I can count my friends on one hand, and have spare fingers. I like that shit
Today's new word - "sidebae"
idk what happened but im glad it did
Retweeted by Lew
My cat is smug because he fell off the stage & was injured while playing in his cat band but still finished his gig.
Retweeted by Lew
When you post a selfie and get that "hey how have you been" text πŸ˜‚
My tee came today, safe @ukcustomplugs
Amazon prime and chill?
Iv joined a new band called 999 Megabites. We haven't got a Gig yet. #ShitJokeSunday
Retweeted by Lew
So i saw a woman in town wearing a top that said #totesamaze on it. What would possess you to buy or wear that?πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
My cat is sad because I called him over and said I had a secret to tell him then shouted "NOT REALLY" in his face.
Retweeted by Lew
The pizza in the fridge is calling my name
Sometimes I like being a dick to someone for no reason other than my own amusement
Hella stoked with getting this in the post today
One of my co-workers has just killed a wasp in our tea room and now he's going to microwave it?
"Youtubers are overpaid" said the fan of a football team that pays all their players at least Β£100k a week lol alright then
Ladies and gentlemen, @dekkermetcalfe - helps mumsie with the shopping, reps cool merch and still rides on the trolley thru the car park πŸ˜‚
I swear celebrities could tweet "hi" and the replies would be like "YAAAAAS SLAYYY"
Sometimes you just need to go for a drive alone and listen to music idk it helps
What's people obsession with having their back tickled? I don't get it
When mum asks "who ate the last Kitkat?"
Retweeted by Lew
I don't get it, if you don't like someone or find them irritating why would you follow them and get updates on their life via social media?

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