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I had trouble fitting a bigger stretcher in my ear and because I couldnt find any vaseline and I had to use lube. My ear smells of cherry
What do you like to cook? — Chicken and rice
Where I'm sat in the pub has a TV which is showing in the night garden. Stoked
I've lost my tweezers. This is a disaster
I do try and be nice to people, but everyone is so fucking stupid I just can't help being sarcastic
It's another Saturday night where I have nothing to do. Greaaat 👍👍
5 reps of 100kg squat. New pb
Nothing ever goes to plan
Twitter this morning is lazy teenagers demanding their mothers make them breakfast. Or, you could try independence and make it yourself?
Okay that little fat kid is getting annoying, let's get rid of him. #SouthPark #webelieveinyou
Retweeted by Lew
I need to download Worms 2 tomorrow morning
When girls are white girl wasted they suddenly really annoying
There's a sign up at the pub that says "you had me at ho ho" wow hahaha
why has a dating site called eBae not been set up yet
Retweeted by Lew
I want to watch the Star Wars trilogy with my friends and a few bottles of vodka
Just because I see you on my timeline doesnt also mean I want to see you in my dreams. Stay out of my head, kthanksbye
I don't bother anticipating anything good or getting my hopes up anymore because nothing I want ever happens
WOW i just tripped up the stairs in front of a lot of people. Excuse me while i kms out of embarrassment
As of February next year there'll be no more Orange Wednesdays 😩
So I missed my train because these dickheads were taking long to buy tickets, then I got a first class return, just needed a single FFS 😩
My snapchat best friends have decided to change themselves, again. Brilliant 👍👍
wow what the fuck why have I only just discovered Royal Blood
As if I had to wait an hour and a half for the bus in the sub-zero temperatures with no gloves 😁😩
Public transport in winter is aids
The worst thing about work is that there's people there and I have to speak to them
@ROAMse: We played our last show of 2014 on Friday Pic: @MrGPPhoto” I look angry af, but this was a great show
r e l e v a n t
@moosebruv: when your bf cheats at monopoly” AHAHAHAHAH WOW fuck
I need someone in my life to feed me while I play Xbox
Men with beards remind me that I'm a poor example for a male
Salad dodging is not an exercise you fat fuck
I'm really thankful to all the people that signed my leaving T shirt in year 11 wishing me good luck or I probably wouldnt be where I am now
Call me a safe bet, i'm betting i'm not
I have 2 hours of Youtube videos I want to watch on my 1 hour lunch. The struggle is real 😩
Why do black people say "arxed" instead of "asked"?
ive spoken to my personal trainer and he's given me some diet tips to gain more weight. Within 2 weeks I should see a difference, supposedly
Who are your twitter/snapchat woman crushes — I have a list of at least 40 on twitter, there's just too many
whats been your favourite band live so far? your music taste is ... — Thank you! My fave live band is enter shikari
queds qe tu fe??? e tres fatigue jour!! — English pls
🙅💕 ur arite m8. You still owe me pizza and you're a slight faggot, but you're a pretty cool gal rly. You like good music and I like you
😻 you like great bands and so does your bf. you're both rad. Playing skyrim until 4 is a brilliant idea. I approve 👍
🎅🙊 your drunken pictures amuse me. Your dog is cute and i want to stroke it