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jordyn
Apple: Now we make stupid watches you can't afford.
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Every novel is a failure. Which is why we keep needing more novels.
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I don't want to say that buying #ixora for your valentine will definitely get you laid... but it will ABSOLUTELY get you laid!
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Tax refunds are way less fun when you already know which credit card you're going to pay off. #growingup
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HOW TO BE A WRITER: 1. Stand alone at parties. 2. Find smiling uncomfortable. 3. Feel simultaneously above and below everyone. 4. Weep.
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The real shock would be if Harper Lee said it was the second volume of a trilogy.
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Setting myself up for failure.
If someone tells you that you have great skin, smile and say, "thanks! It's not mine" then just walk away.
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A sentence I just said aloud: I was 'spoon out your heart' on MySpace before I was 'edge of your seat'. 💁
I wonder what Ben Gibbard is feeling like right now
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I’m suspicious of people who don’t like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn’t like a person.
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This excellent illustration that is doing the rounds today is not by Banksy but by French cartoonist Lucille Clerc. pic.twitter.com/LYMgvp2m3l
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I wonder what my first sigh of annoyance in 2015 will be about.
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Then she starts crying at her reflection and I’m like, “Yeah, girl. Me too.”
Sometimes I relate too well with the random girl from Breakfast at Tiffany’s that laughs uncontrollably at her reflection in the mirror.
Tumblr you vile succubus, I have work to do.
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Finally! A Harry Potter-themed hotel — sorry, coworkers, I'm using my vacation days NOW: r29.co/1DgURnT pic.twitter.com/b0S7u7YWrt
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I just wrote this for The Guardian about Zoella. Don't hate the player, hate the game... theguardian.com/childrens-book…
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Here's why happy people are SO annoying: r29.co/1vOYQdr
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There are too many fights about flat-screen TVs and not enough about books.
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Do I give my pasta to the dog or put it in the fridge for tomorrow?
#NowPlaying Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays by *NSYNC on @Rdio: rd.io/x/QfvHlTdpoPQ/
Love is in the air & it smells like LUNCH! 🍕
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We're premiering a brand new song from #ixora today! Stream "Erase" here.... soundcloud.com/copelandband/e…
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Remember writing book reports by hand in elementary school? Bleck.
I'm always trying to find a nicer way to say "I've already seen that" when someone sends me something from the Internet.
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#TS1989 isn't on @Rdio yet, so I guess I'll have to bring my computer into the bathroom for a shower instead.
Aaron Paul says Barbie is worse than Breaking Bad toys: r29.co/1pJ4VQw
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Dude, I slept in the woods. I had a good conversation with a beaver.