Ugh. I am stressed for no reason. Or all the reasons. I am going to run until I can't run no more.
This Chrome extension changes @realDonaldTrump
into He-who-must-not-be-named: r29.co/1NexhzV
Song was great. Real stoked for the record. She brings it. @Adele
If You Type Like This I Am Going To Assume You're Just Testing Out Titles For Your Next Book Or Have Joined @PanicAtTheDisco
THE 5 STAGES OF WRITING:
1. This is genius.
2. This isn't working.
3. This is useless.
4. Really useless.
5. But this toast is nice.
i hate when adults make fun of u and ask if u bought ur jeans with all the holes in them…. why don’t u go fix the holes in our economy john
Anxiety: making it impossible to tell the difference between a minor problem and a catastrophe since the development of the frontal lobe!
Congrats to Oregon on passing two years of free community college! Every hardworking student deserves access to higher education.
Something wicked this way wobbles.
Breaking a toe is the perfect excuse to buy a pimp cane.
Shout-out to all those working today in the service industry!
Be nice. Be kind. Be gentle. Or, as ET put it, be good.
Obviously someone devoid of any joy in their life.
S’mores Oreos should’ve been called S’moreos. Or S’mOreos. Who’s the bad guy in their marketing team that shut that down?
Here is where gay marriage is now legal. About time.
So much of journalism now is just bad college essays.
“Don’t fucking flavor profile me, Bro.” -@JaceCarlysle
Way to be consistently perfect, @copelandband
Today is the day! The official video for "I Can Make You Feel Young Again" directed by @caleglendening
Dreams DO come true.
Same sex marriage isn't gay privilege. It's equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying tax. Like churches don't.
Florals for spring. Groundbreaking.
You'd break your neck to
Apple: Now we make stupid watches you can't afford.
Every novel is a failure. Which is why we keep needing more novels.
I don't want to say that buying #ixora
for your valentine will definitely get you laid... but it will ABSOLUTELY get you laid!
Tax refunds are way less fun when you already know which credit card you're going to pay off. #growingup
HOW TO BE A WRITER:
1. Stand alone at parties.
2. Find smiling uncomfortable.
3. Feel simultaneously above and below everyone.
The real shock would be if Harper Lee said it was the second volume of a trilogy.
If someone tells you that you have great skin, smile and say, "thanks! It's not mine" then just walk away.
A sentence I just said aloud: I was 'spoon out your heart' on MySpace before I was 'edge of your seat'. 💁
I wonder what Ben Gibbard is feeling like right now
can't see the haters
I’m suspicious of people who don’t like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn’t like a person.
Banksy trades spray can for pencil in #JeSuisCharlie
This excellent illustration that is doing the rounds today is not by Banksy but by French cartoonist Lucille Clerc.
I wonder what my first sigh of annoyance in 2015 will be about.
Then she starts crying at her reflection and I’m like, “Yeah, girl. Me too.”
Sometimes I relate too well with the random girl from Breakfast at Tiffany’s that laughs uncontrollably at her reflection in the mirror.
Tumblr you vile succubus, I have work to do.
Finally! A Harry Potter-themed hotel — sorry, coworkers, I'm using my vacation days NOW: r29.co/1DgURnT
I just wrote this for The Guardian about Zoella. Don't hate the player, hate the game... theguardian.com/childrens-book…
Here's why happy people are SO annoying: r29.co/1vOYQdr
There are too many fights about flat-screen TVs and not enough about books.
Do I give my pasta to the dog or put it in the fridge for tomorrow?
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays by *NSYNC on @Rdio