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The best coffee shop music involves @andrewmcmahon forever and ever.
Attention all raspberry fans: 99cents at Kroger. 😍
I can’t stop thinking about avocado pizza.
Every person driving through Benbrook on 377: “Why are there multiples of everything?!”
New birthday boots! 🎉
I apparently Googled "is there such a thing as moon-dried tomatoes?" at 2:30 a.m. last night.
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Air drums are so much better than air guitar.
This ship of fools I’m on will sink.
hmm, is there any left in here?
Kangaroos are really T-rex versions of deer.
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Fox News would be so much better if it was for actual foxes.
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Keith Richards looked 70 when he was 40 and now that he's 70 he looks 69. He's regenerating.
So… That’s how today is going to go, I guess. 😒
Gotta keep those paws cool when you’re sunbathing. 💁
Saw someone reversing on the on-ramp to the highway today.
Can’t wait to see the 500 fireworks photos I’ll see on Instagram tonight.
Sing a song about the heartland.
Throwback to last week when a woman—not her boss—made her own decisions about her health care. #TBT
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I miss the old Blue Bell jingle. #haveyourselfabluebellcountryday
Hopefully he sees your sign and saves you from the accident I’m sure you may cause as you continue to swerve in and out of lanes.
To the lady driving downtown while blaring her horn and holding a ❤️JESUS SAVES ❤️ sign out the window: that doesn’t look safe.
BEAUTY TIP: Read a book. EMPATHY TIP: Read a book. EDUCATION TIP: Read a book. ENTERTAINMENT TIP: Read a book. LOVE TIP: Read a book.
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yeeeeeeeeeeees. 🙏
He fell asleep on my foot and now I’m extremely aware of how much I want to move 😰
Enjoying the pre-storm breeze ☔️
so fly like a dove
broc ’n’ roll
I have pizza crust for bones. 💪
😗 is this a whistle or a kissy face? Who is kissing with their eyes open? STOP IT.
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I want pizza for the fourth day in a row
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Paying someone to take your family on a tour of Dallas has never looked more ridiculous.
…but R. Kelly doesn’t have a fro for her to run her hands through?
here's to the fact that we won't ever be as popular as kim kardashian. i'm ok with it.
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.@luk1ss He got a coke zero again!? Oh, that Roman! Incorrigible!
I’ve stolen so many pairs of underwear from Gadzooks. 2002 👍.