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Matthew McCluster
Everyone wants to hear the truth, until the truth isn't something they want to hear...
Sick of walking around on eggshells, I'm about to get them chickens cracking...
Ever look back on conversations you've had during the day and think "I'm so weird"
Is it me or are "large" pizzas getting smaller every year...
Seahawks vs Patriots? With this year's roster, that's a no brainer.
Girls who start as tom-girls and end up looking feminine are the hottest...
When you hover over the send button, decide to send it, and immediately regret it.
I like my coffee black enough to get stopped and frisked.
I'm surprised PETA hasn't come down on Fox News for beating dead horses.
Dunkin Donuts Coffee. Because the horrible taste alone will wake you up on the morning.
Life needs a reset button
I need an Asian girlfriend so she can make me sushi and do my taxes.
I hit the club like hey ladies, I'm single and ready to stand around awkwardly!
How do you come back from a dog trip?
She said, "if it can fit in my mouth, it's probably like 5 inches" she thinks her mouth is a portable tape measure device lmaooo
Girls who tweet raunchy shit look like whores. It's not attractive...
Let's be adults here people!
If I could cash in all of the reality checks I've been getting lately, I would be a billionaire right now.
Life is unpredictable. I just met a talented magician and two great singers. Travel with an open mind
It's the little things that matter like conversations with dad over coffee that's overpriced.
Become the person you needed when you were younger.
I'm busy being an unproductive member of society. Isn't that what the weekends were made for?
Looking for serious writers who enjoy writing about new music from both mainstream and underground artists! Inbox me.
I need a drink... Or two... Who am I kidding, I'm downing the entire bottle.
Ice skating is like walking in cursive
My walk past you like we never met game TOO strong.
If you give up your New Year's resolution for Lent, everyone's a winner
I don't trust women who don't have female friends. It's just not normal dude...
The hangover is nature's way of grounding you as an adult
I hate when people turn their social media into a soap opera house...
If we could leave overly aggressive cops in 2014, that'd be great.
People question whether or not I'm deeply involved in a romantic relationship with myself.. Trick you guessing... You right...
Never grow up, it's a trap.
I'm intellectually famished. Someone please feed my mind with some meaningful conversation.
Females are more manly than ever these days. I just need a girl I can get all sensitive with.
I'm rock climbing this weekend. Who's with me?
Every girl my age wants to get married. Graduate college and get a good job before you do something you'll regret.
I don't really wanna know love, but I really wanna feel love. So I'm taking her out tonight. I think I fell in love with a party girl.
Ever morning, after I wash my face, I look up and see a king staring back at me. What do you see when you look in the mirror?
Hustle like you don't have a job and work like you don't have a hustle...
Twitter and Facebook vs. the Russian govt vs. the people of Russia.. Battle royale baby
All of the white people at my job keep asking if I celebrate kwanza lol.
The bulls were on FLEEK vs the lakers. Classic game between two solid teams.
I need a vacation from the bullshit. I'm flying to Puerto Rico next week who's with me?
You know you're old when people start asking what you GAVE for Christmas instead of what you received.
Jeff Dunham is the worst.. He's just not a funny person.. His act is cringeworthy..
Is it possible to get high from being stressed? If so, this new job has me feeling like a junkie.
I treat the world like my weight room. Chasing gains everywhere