Life is so much more beautiful when you focus on the good instead of the bad
Do the republicans shocked that Trump is their nominee also get surprised when they put cake batter in the oven and it becomes a cake?
Ted Cruz = This election
Heidi Cruz = America
When ur friend cancels cause she's having "lady problems" but u a feminist & know there are a lot of lady problems..
Sorry if you've seen this, but it could save lives so I'm reposting. Sharks win when we try to swim away.
when a sea lion takes a big ass bite out of your head
has obtained headcam footage taken from a dead Islamic State fighter
North Carolina thinks I'm a predator. And they made a law and put me here. So I ask you... who's the one in danger?
just happened lol
Please do not let this happen. Religious ideologies have no place in how the govt controls women. twitter.com/ppact/status/7…
Presented without comment.
Kids: *jumping on me* WAKE UP
Me: I'm woke
Kids: How woke?
Me: We're putting Harriet Tubman on something that enslaves us all today.
I've noticed that the less open minded someone is, the more open mouthed they tend to be.
Gorillas don't lift. Think about that. Take a minute and think about that. What if they discover push-ups one day? We need to kill them all.
How much was college for your generation?
How much was rent?
How much did the dollar buy?
To appreciate the breathtaking power of money, behold a country ravaged by inequality producing these two nominees
Awesome quote I saw while driving through Venice.
me: ya i wanna request a day off on april 20
boss: nice try. u just want to smoke weed
me: actually its hitlers bday.
boss: o ok thats chill
Top 50 US companies get $27 from the Government for every $1 they pay in taxes news.vice.com/article/top-50…
More than 60 percent of surveyed Arab youth viewed the United States as an "ally" bit.ly/23Cp3sX
Even being dead inside seems like a lot of work today.
Study finds vast gaps in life expectancy between the richest & poorest in US. @JimZarroli
International experts say Mexico Is blocking efforts to find out the fate of the 43 students news.vice.com/article/intern…
i wish men realized how much more beautiful they look when they don't wear make-up
when the young people don't do their research <<< huffingtonpost.com/entry/bernie-s…
"Would an imaginary girlfriend do this?"
*rolls up sleeves revealing hickeys on arms*
Good news! Green sea #turtles
reclassified to threatened after decades on #endangered
people are so fake how can you love your newborn baby when you met it like 2 minutes ago and know nothing about it
Cop: You sure we need all this extra security?
Captain: He pronounces it Alvin & the 'Chipe monks'
Cop: [double checks his pistol is loaded]
"I love u"
"Umm isn't it a bit too soon to say I love you?"
"Oh ha I meant the letter U. What's your fav u word? Mine is Unreciprocated lol"
Panama Papers Reveal Widespread Tax Evasion onion.com/2278q61 #WhatDoYouThink
Guarantees in life:
3) me pulling the handle of your car door at the same moment you try to unlock it
The population of Iceland is only 330,000. Largest protest by percentage of population in history? #PanamaPapers twitter.com/hjortur/status…
Zaha Hadid, the most inventive and successful female architect of the modern age, has died on.ft.com/1TlpFjy
INTERVIEWER: do u consider urself independent
ME: *looks at mom in chair behind me*
ME: I'd say yes *gives mom a big thumbs up*
mob boss: stick his body in the compost pile
mob boss (grabbing my collar intently): we might be killers, but u only got one earth
ME: you don't look anything like your profile photo
TINDER DATE: LOL no, that's my pug, Arthur
*silence for 10mins*
ME: is Arthur coming or
Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no
me: "we commemorate the day you died every year"
jesus: "thats nice, what's the day called?"
me: "bad friday"
Anaestheologist: count back from 100
*Dr starts sawing off leg
*I hold in the pain to disguise my innumeracy
using microsoft word
*moves an image 1 mm to the left*
all text and images shift. 4 new pages appear. in the distance, sirens.
90 days???!!?! 90?!!!!!?! THATS A TERRORIST ATTACK twitter.com/thinkprogress/…
I love how loving you makes me love everything.
We get it poets: things are like other things
Sec. Clinton says she got to travel the world. Did she happen to notice that every major country guarantees health care to all their people?
Get you a rhino that can do both
If I could read the last pages of our book now, I wouldn't.
I'd rather enjoy each chapter as it unfolds. Even the hard-to-read parts.