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Julie Klausner
authors podcast comedian comedy 73,457 followers
People who are like "why don't you have fun?" don't realize how much time it takes to work hard or feel bad about not working hard enough.
Wake me up when I have a TV show and Alexander Payne wants to date me.
"Everybody but you is enjoying a pastoral summer featuring lakes, sunsets, beaches, al fresco dining with friends, and sex" - Social Media
I try to wake up in the middle of the night just to eat three bowls of cereal and open mouth weep at an episode of SUPERVET.
My life before watching the Jill Zarin/Jenna Von Oy Celebrity Wife Swap and after watching the Jill Zarin/Jenna Von Oy Celebrity Wife Swap.
I'll never understand why all golden retrievers have chosen to wear harem pants.
Retweeted by Julie Klausner
Does anyone have a kitten I can adopt? Ginger or tabby or tuxies are preferred, but any keet that will get along with #JimmyJazz is eligible
❤️🍰❤️🍰 // R@zekewilliamsms@julieklausnerer today is the one year anniversary of howwasyourwikhowwasyourwiki.comlz
Disturbing and sad RT @HistoryInPix: Stephen King & Drew Barrymore at the premiere of Firestarter, 1984 pic.twitter.com/nEUtNK9uaR
Retweeted by Julie Klausner
"Hey, mind if I vape?" "No, mind if I fart? - @SteveMartinToGo 2014
Also "JAIDYN" is not how that is spelled
KYLER IS NOT A REAL NAME, PARENT CONTESTANTS ON "BET ON YOUR BABY"
@julieklausner I hope you’ve seen this. It’s an important update on an enemy of the show: twitter.com/PauleyP/status…
Retweeted by Julie Klausner
Of all the days to have finished the fries.
I actually just now sat in a chair that collapsed. People keep asking me if I'm ok, but nobody seems to be asking about my #SelfEsteem
.@jsmccallum Cool. Thanks for letting me know.
Anti-Semitism! You're having the BEST WEEK EVER!!
What you should be reading and watching this weekend, courtesy of our own @julieklausner and the @TODAYshow: on.today.com/1stns8K
Retweeted by Julie Klausner
OMG @julieklausner talking abt Fitbits with skinny Al Roker on Today just made me freak the FUCK OUT!!! #JulieKlausner
Retweeted by Julie Klausner