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Julie Klausner
I mean no disrespect to other cultures I just always accidentally read her name as "Anal" so I'm having fun, or trying to.
It's fun to pretend George Clooney married a woman named Anal. "Looks like George Clooney has finally committed to Anal."
If I ever - EVER - make a "journey into jazz," and you stand by quietly and don't initiate a rescue mission, everybody I know is dead to me.
Lady Gaga just thanked her monsters 4 support during her "journey into Jazz." Tony Bennett just thanked his toothbrush & asked it to dance.
Wow, no letters about the version of Ben Folds' THE LUCKIEST I sang on this week's podcast, about #JimmyJazz called THE MUSHIEST??
I don't know anyone at this #party
I'm covering the red carpet for GONE GIRL in case anybody has any questions for CARRIE COON.
I would pay top dollar for a full-length premium episode of "How Was Your Week?" featuring @julieklausner as Tony Bennett.
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Anthony Bourdain is just Guy Fieri who tried drugs and finally talked to a black guy comfortably a couple times.
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These fabulous people (Debra Rapoport, Ari Seth Cohen, Lynn Dell Cohen) were just in my apt to promote the @advancedstyle documentary! See the movie, it's terrific.
Plus: How McDonald Apple Slices probably taste, more of my beloved Tony Bennett impression, and Glenn Hetrick's cats!…
"Julie, how can I buy a t-shirt?" Go here! They are designed by @MKupperman, and they're cute as hell
Hey guys it's me, the most professional t-shirt vendor in the world. If you've ordered a HWYW shirt and it hasn't arrived, can you email me?
Looking back at my timeline I deduce something baseball-y happened around the same time I asked @knottyyarn whether dogs could eat apples
Wow people on twitter sure are making a big deal about #Derek tonite
A dog and duck in North Carolina have become best friends – They eat, sleep and play together constantly.
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Shanah Tovah to all here who have food issues, and are, deep down, their own mothers. x
Dreamt @Joan_Rivers made a big entrance at a restaurant, smoking a cigarette, in a glittery top, pissed as hell we called her dead.
Forbes fires columnist for bravely addressing frats' real problem: drunk girls
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I liked BLACKISH! Please retweet!!!!!!!!
Wishing everyone at non-traditional TV platforms such as Netflix, Hulu, Amazon & Yahoo Screen a happy Jewish New Year!
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One day a generation of deranged sex perverts will meet in therapy. And they'll go around & say "Peter Pan LIVE"? "Yeah. Peter Pan LIVE."
I think Phil Spector looks nice.
For my latest book cover project I re-designed @julieklausner's hilarious & touching book.
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Honor a beloved dog with a donation to help an old dog needing care and comfort. "Always in My Heart"…
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On last night's #TheBlacklist, Raymond "Red" Reddington says "surprisingly saucy minx."
"Red Reddington" is a nickname for "Raymond Reddington."
Just got #RedReddington'ed by @daniellehenderson 😱
One of the things I like most about Red Reddington is how he's such a cool customer, even when the heat is on!!!!!!!
"I've given up"? // RT @HuffPostTaste: Here's an argument for putting BUTTER in your coffee instead of cream
From a 3rd waver to a 4th waver- THANK YOU…
These women are my heroes. A must read from @NYMag…
"OPINIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Mayim Bialik
Beyond proud of @robinlordtaylor for, I'm told, stealing #GOTHAM, and beyond pissed at Time Warner Cable for not recording it!
It's always the dude with 17 followers and an egg avatar who tries to explain how no one cares what I think.
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People enjoy my tweets.
There's no way that "third boob" story is real. I'm gonna say: if you believe it, you're the FOURTH BOOB!
Executive Alice Cooper realness
I'm not gonna lie, I'm still a little surprised that Red Reddington got Hitman of the Year. I thought there were some good contenders.
Some of the finest vandalism Harlem has ever produced. #realtalk
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Dear climate change organizers in NYC - great job but including a few giant balloons of famous animated characters wouldn't have killed you.
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