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JonJon Brown
I can't wait until google image search comes out with all new boobs.
You'd think that all the guys in prison would get tired of always squatting in pictures and never smiling.
They say when life gives you lemons to make lemonade but every time that happens I'm never thirsty.
The only thing I don't like about Skype is that I can't do the hand on the window thing like visitors do in prison.
I have no problem being hit on by gay people, as long as they're attractive and smell nice and have a nice rack and are female.
The guy who played Chewbacca must've had a lot of soul searching to do to find his character after reading the script for the first time.
Watching You Got Served in HD is probably the best thing to happen to me since I got sober.
"This guy must be a poet!" -- the inner monologue of a man (me) listening to someone from England talking about the weather
The thing that's really weird about reality TV shows is that the people on them are actually aware that they're on TV.
The only real goal I have in life is to be in a tequila commercial, wearing a nice suit and not saying anything but nodding my head NO.
1 out of 5 dentists never show up for surveys.
I've seen enough porn to know that there's no such thing as a second date.
Life has become so much better since I deleted all 8 of my facebook accounts.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I like boobs.
I like taking the kind of pictures that make you wanna get naked and eat ice cream while watching Saved By The Bell.
Batman has to be the only guy to ever wear a cape and think he could fly that wasn't on drugs.
Sometimes I fantasize about how many fat girls I could sleep with if I worked at Pizza Hut.
I find it kinda odd that every person in Boston isn't named Kevin.
BALL SO HARD I need rides everywhere because I spent all my money on this BALL SO HARD t-shirt.
The best fights between couples are when the girl is mad at the boyfriend for something he did in a dream.
I wish facebook had the option to punch a racist.
You never know, the Ferguson protests could result in something positive. Like me finding a cute girlfriend. And a job. And a girlfriend.
Every hug I give includes a boner. Those are the rules. I don't make them I just follow them.
Not trying to brag, but I'm probably one of, if not the very very best at being modest.
You'd think that Jason Statham would have his own Netflix category by now.
I'd love to hang out with smart people more often but I don't speak algebra.
I don't date women that have chest hair. If we're getting freaky and I take her shirt off and see chest hair, I'm out of there.
Having a real hard time trying to figure out why the Secret Service chose such an obvious name.
Interstellar was really awesome, and Anne Hathaway's hair gave its best performance ever.
Fun prank: • dress up like a caveman • go to Geico • set it on fire
My favorite strippers are the ones who do a satisfied "ahh" like after sipping coffee but after every time they jiggle their butts.
Transporter: The Series? Seriously?
My dog is so funny. He acts like he's never seen a guy (me) act all cool and nonchalant when trying to get the sex every single day.
They said dress for the job you want so I started sleeping naked. In the nude. Without any clothes on.
Instead of asking yourself "what would Jesus do?" Ask yourself "what is the opposite of what Randy Quaid would do?"
Can't call it air-drumming unless you throw your air-drumstick up while doing an air-drum fill and licking your face all at once.
You know your fart must be pretty bad when a 7-11 appears out of nowhere.
I find it a little odd that Denzel Washington is always playing a black guy in every movie he's in.
It should be a law that once you turn 30 you can no longer wear your hat backwards.
My relationship status might as well be a picture of a monkey trying to stick a straw into a Capri Sun.
Anytime you think your life sucks, just realize that right now there's a guy probably calling 911 because he has a mouse stuck in his butt.
I wish the weather was always like this all the time always.
My dog is about 11 months old now and isn't really the best dog he could be because I've been too busy (imagining) getting pussy.
*Gets on twitter* *Sees everyone tweeting about toothpaste* *Scratches head in puzzlement* *Scratches testicles* *Repeats all day long*
I never played sports or did any kind of drama classes in high school because I was too busy (imagining) getting pussy.
I like to make coffee very strong but I don't ever drink it because it makes me paranoid.
I just love that part in the movie The Town where they're talking and stuff and you can't understand one fucking thing anyone says.
Why's it gotta be so cold? And windy? And chilly? And breezy? HUH? Why? Why?