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JonJon Brown
comedy mac movies social media 3,325 followers
I try to finish every phone call like a rock n roll band playing their last song of the night.
Irony wouldn't exist without white guys named Clyde going fishing with black guys named Todd.
Despite all of my experiences of riding the train at the zoo, I'm still progressively learning how to deal with cats.
Sometimes I'll hang out at Applebees and wait for the servers to sing happy birthday so I can join in and end it like a diva showing off.
When I'm dead I want my tombstone to read: Professional Human. Childbirth Survivor.
There's a reason why I'm an astronaut and you work a McDonald's. It's cause god loves winners, and basically hates you.
I like taking the kind of pictures that make you wanna get naked and eat ice cream while watching Saved By The Bell.
Still wondering why the volume in hearing aid commercials isn't turned up way more than anything else.
After I die, I hope to come back as a majestic tiger being walked by a hot half naked chick holding an axe, air-brushed on a custom van.
The only kind of women that I like to date are the kind that love a guy who constantly says "I'm sorry."
Cute name for a strip club: Hotdog Hallway.
The only thing I got for Valentine's Day this year was my period :[
RT if you'll be having a better Valentine's Day than Kurt Cobain.
Trying to find my inner child by rubbing hot oil on my chest and listening to The Miracles' "Ooh Baby Baby"
Trying to ask this dude "Where did you learn to be a philosopher wizard?" without sounding like a stupid or a Canadian.
Thank you @Angrea for the @FavstarOfTheDay internet trophy digital award celebration. I have a blanket with your name on it waiting for you.
Sometimes I just wanna hang out with my friends wearing nothing but a blanket, while I say absolutely nothing, but nod to everything.
Should I talk to a scientist about hooking up a lie detector machine to my scale, or what?
Is seven weeks old too young to get my dog a cellphone?
Hey girl, if I invited you to the pants party would you hold your body against me?
If your mustache doesn't make you look like Sam Elliot then why even bother?
I just want to be a stay at home dude on the couch.
Once you fully realize that actors are all playing make belief, they all seem more like glorified schizophrenics.