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JonJon Brown
comedy mac movies social media 3,297 followers
Sometimes I fantasize about how many fat girls I could sleep with if I worked for Pizza Hut.
My second chin is also my penis.
It took me 16 years to find myself which finally got me taken off of milk cartons as a missing child.
Go big or go home. (Talking about ass and titties.)
Family portraits where everyone is looking to the left except one person staring directly into the camera are the best portraits ever.
I don't know what the big deal is. I break into every girl's house I watch from outside their window for weeks on end & "bake them cookies."
I love how you don't tweet for like three months and end up losing six or seven followers.
This whole being white thing just isn't working out how I hoped it would.
Today feels like a good day to tweet something that has actually no significance whatsoever.
I try to finish every phone call like a rock n roll band playing their last song of the night.
Irony wouldn't exist without white guys named Clyde going fishing with black guys named Todd.
Despite all of my experiences of riding the train at the zoo, I'm still progressively learning how to deal with cats.
Sometimes I'll hang out at Applebees and wait for the servers to sing happy birthday so I can join in and end it like a diva showing off.
When I'm dead I want my tombstone to read: Professional Human. Childbirth Survivor.
There's a reason why I'm an astronaut and you work a McDonald's. It's cause god loves winners, and basically hates you.
I like taking the kind of pictures that make you wanna get naked and eat ice cream while watching Saved By The Bell.
Still wondering why the volume in hearing aid commercials isn't turned up way more than anything else.
After I die, I hope to come back as a majestic tiger being walked by a hot half naked chick holding an axe, air-brushed on a custom van.
The only kind of women that I like to date are the kind that love a guy who constantly says "I'm sorry."
Cute name for a strip club: Hotdog Hallway.