5 year-old kid just now,
"Merry Christmas, or Happy Kwanzaa,
Very PC for a five-year old...
Me-Hey man, you wanna meet up and watch some of these college football games today?
Him- YEA MAN! Totes Mcgoats!!
Me- Never mind
I just bought a military grade laser pointer so I can tease my families animals when I go home for Christmas
I'm sick of being a victim..
That sinking feeling when fat pants just become "pants."
I think I'll go to Walmart and watch the diabetics ride their rascals...
In search of the heart of gold, my annual Thanksgiving musings, (ramblings) joeyguse.com/2013/11/in-sea…
Just had a "Mcrib" for lunch. It's hard to imagine so much anticipation, comfort, and then crippling shame all wrapped up into one sandwich.
Me to kid-How's School?
K- Sucked! We sang this STUPID song John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
M-His name is my name too.
K-Why do I bother?
Just read there is a massive global wine shortage & frankly I'm concerned.
Women my age don't operate very well without wine...
I once got dumped because I wasn't "hawt" like Axl Rose.
Nothing lasts forever, in the cold November rain... pic.twitter.com/k3jJaP3rTx
It's hard to take Spongebob seriously when he's complaining about anger problems.
Nothing like being a child psychologist on Halloween..
I think they may have rushed this Govt. healthcare website. Start with a Myspace page. Make a few friends. That's what the cool bands do.
It's sad watching heavy people play Candy Crush. If it was that easy to destroy candy, they wouldn't have lost a foot from type 2 Diabetes..
McD's now putting books in Happy Meals. Sweet. Hopefully they're about teenage obesity & finding good sugar-free candy as a type 2 Diabetic.
Airport people with those neck pillows somehow remind me of those dogs that wear those cones because they won't stop licking their crotches.
Some life lessons I relearned on my trip to The Grand Canyon.
I LOVE this fall weather. Tight Jeans, thigh high boots, cozy sweaters that accentuate the bustline..
I like what the girls wear too...
Just reading this story of how Jessa Dugger is only allowed to "side hug" during courtship with the opposite sex-
Me too Jessa. Me too...
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Thanks to Miley, I learned "twerking" is spazzing out while gyrating in sad desperation
I've been doing this since my 1st 6th grade dance.
Remember the way the kids in the "Peanuts" world could never hear the adults? I think that applies to a lot of kids.
My newest essay about dealing with the pangs of regret as summer starts to slip away from us.
I believe the children are our future.
All the children who don't wear crocs that is..
Noticed some meddling kids changed the name of "Butterfield Drive" to "Butterface Drive" near my house
Kind of tempted to check that out...
No work clothes & throwing up a hail mary (Turtleneck with elbow patches)
Like sands through the hourglass
so are the days of our lives.
Just heard the song, "Abra-abra-cadabra. I wanna reach out and grab ya."
And What did I learn?
Whew! I thought something bad happened to Sarah Jessica Parker! Saw the headline, "Huge nose collapse in NYC."
Luckily just a plane crash.
My newest essay on the invisible battles each of us struggle with.
Oh, I thought you asked what the over/under was on reapplying deodorant when it's 101 outside.
It ain't easy being sweaty..
Bought a new exercise bike, & have already logged 35 minutes. Pretty much in great shape now.
Can't WAIT to be a butterface by September!
My newest essay on the potential power of one, and changes I want to make personally to explore this idea. joeyguse.com/2013/07/the-po…
Ray Lewis to Hernandez. Take it easy, take it easy. It's just a little murder. I killed TWO guys & just had to pick up trash for a week...
Chris Brown charged with hit and run. Early reports are that the other vehicle involved was a Corvette,Ford Ranger, or 92 pound Island girl.
Quote from Paula Deen-
"I don't care WHAT people say. I'm not a racist. My buttery treats are for BOTH whites as well as colored people."
So Kanye and Kim named their baby "North" West.
Glad to know he puts as much thought into baby names as he does his lyrics.
My latest article on why couples often descend into angry confrontations. joeyguse.com/2013/06/hurt-p…
According to a nanny, Kanye's baby tried to speak, and Kanye said, "I'ma let you finish, but Beyonce was the cutest baby of ALL TIME!!
I no longer consider this a summer month. Nothing but bad weddings, torrential rain & 8th grade graduations.
June, you're fucking out..
New show on where they drop you off naked & watch you try & survive called "Naked & Afraid". Or, as I called it during the 90's,"Saturday."
Truthfully, I kind of believe Michael Jackson when he says Billie Jean was not his lover.
Watching "The Carrie Diaries" about the early days of Sarah Jessica Parker's character.
Can't believe they didn't go with "My Little Pony"
Saying goodbye to some of my kids today in counseling. Nice to see them "graduate."An essay in reflection. joeyguse.com/2013/05/return…
Watching hockey.There's a team called the Ottawa Senators? The Senators?? Whats' their power? Sleeping with young male interns in bathrooms?
Happy, uhh, truthfully I'm not sure what you did today Mexicans, but thanks for giving us Americans a chance to eat a little more guacamole.
Read, 'wettest April ever measures 8.54 inches' & muttered "that's what she said' to no one in particular.
Who am I even talking to anymore?
Newest blog post about the strange ways that dreams can come true, joeyguse.com/2013/04/keep-o…
Florida is 500 years old today.
Coincidentally so are most of the people there..
Easy on the roast pig Jobu. That's your 3rd hamhock.You've got a big flight tomorrow.A little fish wouldn't kill you.
Inspired by my near death (slight exaggeration) in a kitchen accident, an essay about how quickly life can change.
For the love of God get well Lil Wayne. The world needs your lighthearted ditties about pimpin' hoes and murdering your enemies...
Had a shamrock shake today. Cause nothing says "Irish Pride" like a cup full of processed sugar & fat with green food coloring. #Eingobragh