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Joel
Brushing toast crumbs off my tits is my favourite position in the bedroom.
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Why Calvin Harris tried to remix humanity
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Sending dull as hell snapchats to punish the friends who send shit snapchats
“I like the ad but I feel it’s missing a giant wistful orangutan” #imaginethemeeting pic.twitter.com/uXGvW4C17f
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I constantly forget that I am in France. Constantly. Is this a common expat thing?
Shout out to goats for making boss ass cheese
Eaten so much roast chicken, you could serve my next shit with spuds and gravy.
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Where's actually busy to go out in Northampton these days? :p
Bored with the same old meals? Why not experiment with fusion cuisine? pic.twitter.com/IJfdGjIzvY
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Had an amazing time at London Pride this weekend! Queen Conchita's performance was such a highlight :)
Hola @luis16suarez, si te quedaste con hambre vení a darle un mordisco a una BigMac ;)
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Sick of seeing that smug twat on telly with an half finished pint of ale #europeanelections #UKIP
Conchita's welcome home, Vienna Schwechat airport. HOW must that have felt having been bullied at school? #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/Oky7igsWKT
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Why did I think these were fried chicken ? ...I've never felt so fat pic.twitter.com/4CvkpS8A73
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No but a cup of tea after really spicy food though
So proud of Austria for winning Eurovision. You truly are the hope of Europe. I am proud to be LGBT. History has been made. #JoinUs
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It's time to crown Conchita Wurst Queen of Europe #eurovision
I love what you’ve done with your breath, is that wrestler’s anus with a hint of abandoned sewer?
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"@bbceurovision: Behind-the-scenes snaps from Molly's Postcard shoot! bbc.in/1h6KQy3" OMG I see me (this is why I have no friends)
Faire une blague. Être le seul à comprendre. Rire. Se trouver marrant. Se faire un bisou. S'aimer. Vivre seul. Acheter un chat.
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What y'all know about walking into McDonald's and they salute
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We’re also excited to have found our act through their association with @bbc_introducing
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Late night office binge AGAIN... Why do I subject myself to this voluntary insomnia
What is there to do in #London for free or very cheap tomorrow? #help
I'm so bored I'm just tweeting shit now
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could not give less of a shit about this essay right now
I can almost see tomorrow's Mail/Express headline. 'YOU UNGRATEFUL GYPSIES: Outrage as millions of Romanians and Bulgarians snub Britain.'
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Suzanna's a diamond, but I'm kind of gutted we had to miss out on Sophie's Charlestone for that :( #scd
NOOOOOO. SCREW YOU STRICTLY VIEWERS. #Scd
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People should vote for Sophie because I NEED to see that Charlestone get the score it deserved! Call 6 22 52 01 #scd bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00…
If I was wearing a custard and burgundy suit, I'd be a little annoyed if my date turned up in AstroTurf green. #scd
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"Our Showdance will be our waltz but with lifts and fog all over the floor" #scd
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Sneaky use of dry ice so we can't see Susanna's shocking footwork #scd
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Let's be honest, that 10 paddle is the only one Len packed for tonight #scd
#scd oh push off bruce, the audience would stand up if a disabled child was wheeled in and pelted with shit #strictly
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If you addressed a letter simply: 'to Kevin from Grimsby', like writing to Santa, would he get it? #scd
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They're only giving Susanna the quickstep because they have to get their moneys worth for the sofa #scd
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*Sigh* Artem's got his boobs out again... #scd
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Stating my allegiance early, preparing myself for inevitable rage/disappointment -- TEAM SOPHIE, god bless her leggy disinterest #scd
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Is it just me or does the Strictly set have a slightly hunger games feel with that screen and stuff? #scd
Obsessed with The U.S. Office this week
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I just feel like you all need this gorgeous art page in your life! facebook.com/pages/Streeton…
Rita Vinhas Lemos, you looking absolutely bloody sexy tonight, you go girl ;) x