Me: I hate being poor & fat
Also me: *eats bodyweight in baba ganoush whilst waiting for dinner
1999: Playing Pokemon on the sofa while watching Robot Wars.
2016: Playing Pokemon on the sofa while watching Robot Wars AND DRINKING BEER.
"Did you get my text earlier?"
Option 1: No? When did you send it?
Option 2: I was just about to reply
Option 3: My phone's been weird today
Ivanka Trump Shows Off Pregnant Belly That Better Not Have Muslim Inside starwipe.com/r/1435tsd
Britain is so radicalised my Muslim decorator wouldn't start work until all the furniture wore a Burka #TrumpFacts
(707): He's hot, kinda sweaty, drunk smells like feet, but he's hung like a whale. So in other words, totally your type
bit of a crush on pia mia tbh
Nothing is going to get me thru this all day shift except the knowledge that at the end of the day it's time for P O P W O R L D
I'm only into really old guys so actually when I look at David Beckham I still wonder if he'll turn out handsome.
Hope my friends are having a great time in London for #Pride2015
It's a BEAUTIFUL day to sit in a blackened room drinking beer and playing xbox
Lovely pitch from @myearlystory
and their personalised children's books
Unsubscribe from unwanted emails & combine the rest into a single daily digest with @Unrollme
Spent 86 hours in Wellingboro' Council today getting replacement voting papers after the bloody French post lost them #GE2015 #NotVotingUKIP
Is Hitler responsible for the USB stick?
This is our "free press". The playthings of panicking rich moguls spreading fear to stop any threat to their power
Let's all take a moment to applaud people like @joelpetey
for getting there first, so people like me can never get rid of their under_score
Here are my Suggestion for the Name of The Royal Princess:
BACK IN THE UK YAAAaaaaaas 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧
Want to watch an entertaining video featuring susu cat and the notorious Elliotts estate agents? youtu.be/G9rk_Y8jvk
I'm Swedish this year #Eurovision
Found ACTUAL PG tips teabags here in an Indian shop in Rennes. Never been happier in my life
wins, I'll fly over and make #DragRace
UK happen! VOTE #CBBMichelle
09020442411 (Landline) #CBB
I followed 19484 Spanish people like 3 years ago to help me revise and I just can't understand shit on my timeline tbh
Ran out of mixer and made a reasonably nice compromise with super sugary super milky coffee tbh
1.33pm: Michelle has just walked into the kitchen in heels so high the rest of the housemates applauded her. #BBUKLive
Feel sorry for the sound guy in charge of monitoring Marks mic who was just deafened by 90 seconds of ONE TWO THREE YES YES YES YES YES #scd
Do you think that when Bruno Tonioli has a really satisfying poo he LEAPS from the seat spraying the cubicle with fecal matter? #scd
Brushing toast crumbs off my tits is my favourite position in the bedroom.
Why Calvin Harris tried to remix humanity
Sending dull as hell snapchats to punish the friends who send shit snapchats
Actual relationship goals
“I like the ad but I feel it’s missing a giant wistful orangutan” #imaginethemeeting
I constantly forget that I am in France. Constantly. Is this a common expat thing?
Shout out to goats for making boss ass cheese
Eaten so much roast chicken, you could serve my next shit with spuds and gravy.
Where's actually busy to go out in Northampton these days? :p
shout out to my hysterical 18 year old self timehop.com/c/fs:408984559…
Bored with the same old meals? Why not experiment with fusion cuisine?
Had an amazing time at London Pride this weekend! Queen Conchita's performance was such a highlight :)
, si te quedaste con hambre vení a darle un mordisco a una BigMac ;)
Sick of seeing that smug twat on telly with an half finished pint of ale #europeanelections #UKIP
Conchita's welcome home, Vienna Schwechat airport. HOW must that have felt having been bullied at school? #Eurovision
Why did I think these were fried chicken ? ...I've never felt so fat
No but a cup of tea after really spicy food though
So proud of Austria for winning Eurovision. You truly are the hope of Europe. I am proud to be LGBT. History has been made. #JoinUs
If you don't post our #eurovisionselfie
we'll all cry lots @bbceurovision