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Joan Rivers
comedian comedy 2,062,518 followers
So what! I texted under the influence and it has happened before. During the Bicentennial, I drunk-dialed half the US Navy. #JKB
Melissa is right. I need to “let go” of my priceless Queen Victoria chair. Tony just made it easier by calling it his “Joan Throne.” #JKB
Melissa gave me that sleeping pill in CT. She’s a one-woman drug operation – the infamous Rivers Cartel. #JKB
Tony’s new house is so gay, there’s a portrait of Liza hanging in the bathroom. #JKB
The way Melissa is confronting Cooper’s lacrosse coach, she can take on anyone. The Ukraine? Send Melissa to talk to Putin. #JKB
I adore Tony but I never would have parted with my Queen Victoria chair. Someone has to get it back for me… #JKB
Why won’t Melissa heed my advice? She’s such a prude. Wanna get a man’s attention? GET NAKED! #JKB
I love it when Cooper gives it his all in lacrosse. I love him even more after he takes a shower. #JKB
The night before I leave CT, I need to sleep. Sunny Von Bulow took a Xanax and slept 28 years. I’ll take a half and maybe doze an hour. #JKB
The KKK has a better thread count in their sheets than the ones in Melissa’s guest room. #JKB
This year was tough. I lost my sister, my dog and my house. I lost more than Bernie Madoff, except everything was mine. #JKB
.@christies auction house came to my home in Connecticut to appraise my antiques. They tried to put me on the block. #JKB
I loved the portraits of the creepy ladies in my guest room. They always kept an eye on all my house guests. #JKB
Selling my Connecticut country home is awful. I envy the homeless. If they lose a house, they just have to go find another box. #JKB
An all-new episode of #JKB is coming up in 10 minutes...I'll be live tweeting during the episode. Tune in!!! @WEtv 10/9c
Sometimes you just need to check in and make sure that everything is OK. Watch tonight's #JKB (@WEtv 10/9c) for more
Had an amazing time shooting #BartBakersHappyParody with @BartBaker. Take a look at what we did!…
Lupita Nyongo is the new face of Lancôme. Taylor Swift is the face of Covergirl. Surprise…I’m the old face of stool softener.
On tonight's episode of #JKB, (@WEtv 10/9c), find out why @carmenelectra unexpectedly stops by @MelRivers's house.
Saw @AudraEqualityMc in @LadyDayonBway. She is simply superb and gave a staggering performance! I am RUNNING to get tickets to see it again.
I hope you'll join me for my ALL JEWELRY HOUR on Monday, April 21st at 5pm on @QVC! Click here for a sneak peek:
YES...I also worked with the hysterical @SamMacaroni. We had so much fun! Happy parody is coming out tomorrow!
Look who I filmed with this week! YES...the amazingly talented @BartBaker! Thrilled for my cameo in his Happy parody!
Kevin Federline has had his sixth child! His sperm seems to be the only part of him that’s working.
I loved @iamandreamartin when I saw her in "PIPPIN,", and I cannot wait to see her in "ACT ONE"!