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Joan Rivers
comedian comedy 2,063,233 followers
A full hour of my jewelry is on @QVC at 5pm today! Loads of NEW styles, and THE statement necklace of the season!
Even I can follow @DrOz’s recipe for gin-soaked raisins. Fingers crossed this helps with the arthritis in my knee.
Did you watch the @DrOz Show on Friday? I’m stocked up on raisins and gin to help make my knee feel better!
Miley cancelled shows due to a "severe allergic reaction to antibiotics". Hmmm. Why that girl would be on penicillin, I just can't imagine..
Reminder: ALL JEWLERY HOUR tomorrow at 5pm on @QVC!!
Kirstie Alley has returned to Jenny Craig. She wants to lose 30 pounds, or roughly one Olsen Twin.
So what! I texted under the influence and it has happened before. During the Bicentennial, I drunk-dialed half the US Navy. #JKB
Melissa is right. I need to “let go” of my priceless Queen Victoria chair. Tony just made it easier by calling it his “Joan Throne.” #JKB
Melissa gave me that sleeping pill in CT. She’s a one-woman drug operation – the infamous Rivers Cartel. #JKB
Tony’s new house is so gay, there’s a portrait of Liza hanging in the bathroom. #JKB
The way Melissa is confronting Cooper’s lacrosse coach, she can take on anyone. The Ukraine? Send Melissa to talk to Putin. #JKB
I adore Tony but I never would have parted with my Queen Victoria chair. Someone has to get it back for me… #JKB
Why won’t Melissa heed my advice? She’s such a prude. Wanna get a man’s attention? GET NAKED! #JKB
I love it when Cooper gives it his all in lacrosse. I love him even more after he takes a shower. #JKB
The night before I leave CT, I need to sleep. Sunny Von Bulow took a Xanax and slept 28 years. I’ll take a half and maybe doze an hour. #JKB
The KKK has a better thread count in their sheets than the ones in Melissa’s guest room. #JKB
This year was tough. I lost my sister, my dog and my house. I lost more than Bernie Madoff, except everything was mine. #JKB
.@christies auction house came to my home in Connecticut to appraise my antiques. They tried to put me on the block. #JKB
I loved the portraits of the creepy ladies in my guest room. They always kept an eye on all my house guests. #JKB
Selling my Connecticut country home is awful. I envy the homeless. If they lose a house, they just have to go find another box. #JKB
An all-new episode of #JKB is coming up in 10 minutes...I'll be live tweeting during the episode. Tune in!!! @WEtv 10/9c
Sometimes you just need to check in and make sure that everything is OK. Watch tonight's #JKB (@WEtv 10/9c) for more
Had an amazing time shooting #BartBakersHappyParody with @BartBaker. Take a look at what we did!…