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Joan Rivers
comedian comedy 2,062,554 followers
So what! I texted under the influence and it has happened before. During the Bicentennial, I drunk-dialed half the US Navy. #JKB
Melissa is right. I need to “let go” of my priceless Queen Victoria chair. Tony just made it easier by calling it his “Joan Throne.” #JKB
Melissa gave me that sleeping pill in CT. She’s a one-woman drug operation – the infamous Rivers Cartel. #JKB
Tony’s new house is so gay, there’s a portrait of Liza hanging in the bathroom. #JKB
The way Melissa is confronting Cooper’s lacrosse coach, she can take on anyone. The Ukraine? Send Melissa to talk to Putin. #JKB
I adore Tony but I never would have parted with my Queen Victoria chair. Someone has to get it back for me… #JKB
Why won’t Melissa heed my advice? She’s such a prude. Wanna get a man’s attention? GET NAKED! #JKB
I love it when Cooper gives it his all in lacrosse. I love him even more after he takes a shower. #JKB
The night before I leave CT, I need to sleep. Sunny Von Bulow took a Xanax and slept 28 years. I’ll take a half and maybe doze an hour. #JKB
The KKK has a better thread count in their sheets than the ones in Melissa’s guest room. #JKB
This year was tough. I lost my sister, my dog and my house. I lost more than Bernie Madoff, except everything was mine. #JKB
.@christies auction house came to my home in Connecticut to appraise my antiques. They tried to put me on the block. #JKB
I loved the portraits of the creepy ladies in my guest room. They always kept an eye on all my house guests. #JKB
Selling my Connecticut country home is awful. I envy the homeless. If they lose a house, they just have to go find another box. #JKB
An all-new episode of #JKB is coming up in 10 minutes...I'll be live tweeting during the episode. Tune in!!! @WEtv 10/9c
Sometimes you just need to check in and make sure that everything is OK. Watch tonight's #JKB (@WEtv 10/9c) for more clip.gs/6ah
Had an amazing time shooting #BartBakersHappyParody with @BartBaker. Take a look at what we did! youtube.com/watch?v=O_DwML…
Lupita Nyongo is the new face of Lancôme. Taylor Swift is the face of Covergirl. Surprise…I’m the old face of stool softener.
On tonight's episode of #JKB, (@WEtv 10/9c), find out why @carmenelectra unexpectedly stops by @MelRivers's house. clip.gs/6af
Saw @AudraEqualityMc in @LadyDayonBway. She is simply superb and gave a staggering performance! I am RUNNING to get tickets to see it again.
I hope you'll join me for my ALL JEWELRY HOUR on Monday, April 21st at 5pm on @QVC! Click here for a sneak peek: qvc.co/Jewelry_Blog
YES...I also worked with the hysterical @SamMacaroni. We had so much fun! Happy parody is coming out tomorrow! pic.twitter.com/aqIOfGwAlY
Look who I filmed with this week! YES...the amazingly talented @BartBaker! Thrilled for my cameo in his Happy parody! pic.twitter.com/DMHArpdmFs
Kevin Federline has had his sixth child! His sperm seems to be the only part of him that’s working.
I loved @iamandreamartin when I saw her in "PIPPIN,", and I cannot wait to see her in "ACT ONE"! pic.twitter.com/J95eLiiMmU