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Jim Gaffigan

comedian comedy actor director 1,688,399 followers
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"FIRST!" - What John Hancock was thinking when he signed the Declaration of Independence.
  3h
This represents my sincerity.
Since you may have been watching game 6 of NBA Finals, here is my @TheDailyShow appearance w/ the great … say.ly/hDz64Wr
  9h
SEATTLE & EUGENE – What are the best outdoorsy places to stay with young kids in your area?
  9h
How many dozens of times do you have to watch @SportsCenter in a row before it becomes pathetic? #OhThatClipAgain
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In July San Diego to Seattle. Show a night for 2 weeks. Go to jimgaffigan.com for complete tour dates. #whitebreadtour
I'm on The Daily Show tonight 11e/10c . Watch or act like you did next time you see me. #comedycentral #dailyshow
Tonight I'll be on the @DailyShow with the great @iamjohnoliver. 11E/10C @ComedyCentral Tune in or act like you saw it next time you see me.
I think I pulled a back muscle eating a bratwurst yesterday. That can happen, right?
Another reason to not drink and drive. vine.co/v/hBDWx1TZOOZ
I can't wait until Taco Bell starts selling vending machines.
When I was I dating my future wife I once found myself comparing her to a bratwurst. It was then that I realized I was serious about her.
In case u missed me on @cbssundaymorning say.ly/Wbk63RZ thanks @anthonymason
When is ZZTop going to sue those Duck Dynasty guys?
Father's Day, the culinary dry run for 4th of July.
Father's Day, the culinary dry run for 4th of July. say.ly/RFy63Rd
Happy Father's Day! Our profile of comic @JimGaffigan, Father of 5, is coming up on @CBSSunday Morning
Retweeted by Jim Gaffigan
Just a reminder that I will be on @CBSSundayMorning with the great @anthonymason today. Check local listings. Happy Father’s Day.
"@nicoima @JimGaffigan I had an illustration assignment based on a book title and I got Dad Is Fat :)"
Oh good, you want to wake up and bang on the piano at 6am on Sunday. Happy Father's Day.
Oh good, you want to wake up and bang on the piano at 6am on Sunday. Happy Father's Day. say.ly/cve63CC
Watch CBS Sunday Morning to see how I unequipped I am to be a parent.
Next time don't put me on the cover. #yikes #lookatthatphoto
It's official @WillSasso Is the best at Vine ever.
The real question is should we trust people who don’t like cheese?
For when bacon makes you thirsty for more bacon.
Deep fried cheese curds are like if French Fries and heaven had a baby.
Milwaukee come to @boswellbooks tonight and ask @jeanniegaffigan why she married me? #dadisfat
Milwaukee come to @boswellbooks tonight and ask @jeanniegaffigan why she married me? #dadisfat say.ly/Gkg63mw
Thanks Green Bay. I'll see you in July.
Wisconsin, I love thee! On to @boswellbooks in Milwaukee
@lybcoo: I heard a rumor @JimGaffigan is on @CBSSunday tomorrow? Jim is it true? If so most perfect #fathersday segment ever!” YES
Me at my old workplace.
Someone should check on Tyler Perry. He hasn't released a movie in like a week.
Excuse me, I'm looking for a gift for my pet bear? say.ly/CfP639g
“How do we distract our fan base that we stupidly let Wes Welker go? Oh God…Hey, I’ve got a crazy idea.” – Bill Belichick
.@richeisen Every NFL analyst (March) Tebow doesn't belong in NFL. Every NFL analyst (June) Tebow should be in the NFL
.@AaronRodgers See around noon at the B&N Green Bay? Then we can head down town Milwaukee for my 7pm #dadisfat event at @boswellbooks Thanks
“What else can we talk about?” – The NFL Network in June
Watch the @benkronberg ½ special on @ComedyCentral at Midnight. Not only is he funny, he looks like a serial killer.
Help me settle a bet. A trail mix can include donuts, right?
This is from my new line of stuffed animals. say.ly/PAi637y
This is from my line of new stuffed animals.
I don't know if I should be proud or embarrassed of this. say.ly/cVI637j