Ugh. Should have put the kibosh on that whole free will thing this morning.
is on TV right now.
Heaven will be temporarily shut down. Please feel free to do whatever you want until further notice. YOLO.
Hold on, you just thanked MTV before me?! I see how it is.
Wasted sex is wasted sex.
Actually, I kinda like 9 inch nails
On my way to do another TIME magazine interview. Yeah. God is back in.
Science is not something you believe in. Believe me.
I'll celebrate when my Dad apologies for what he did to me
Spending time with my Dad for Earth Day.
Whatever, you can't tell me what to do, Dad!
Just had lunch on the moon. Food was great, but there was no atmosphere.
Look you can't keep calling me every time you stub your toe.
Ugh only 12 people responded to my dinner E-vite.
Guys, guys, I'll be back Friday.
All this talk of the new Pope is so gay.
Look at your life.
Now look at me.
Now back at your life.
Ok me again...
You should just live your life.
Lance, you could have came to me first!
Look guys, I ain't blessing y'all anymore just because you sneezed. Didn't sign up for that.
Well if I didn't walk on water, I would get very tipsy
Well, did you die trying?
This is not the year you're looking for
Thanks guys, but I think I'm just going to spend my birthday alone this year.
Update: World ends tomorrow! (c'mon guys, just act like it for me)
Dad just told me he was Santa. This ruins everything.
Oh my god so many voicemails!