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ellendegeneres cats 292 followers
1 of FBI's most-wanted fugitives, accused in hammer slayings of his family, has ties to SoCal
Retweeted by jerry
You’'re a boob! Just tittin. You're my breast friend.
Retweeted by jerry
Because I'm horny Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do
The secret of life: Kale. Thanks again @TheEllenShow.
Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. Thanks @TheEllenShow.
"@UberFacts: Artificial Raspberry flavoring is partially milked from the anal glands of beavers." Yum, I love the flavor of anus.
YAS. @TheEllenShow and @andylassner's flu shot clip resurfaced on the show. Best fearfully surprised face ever
.@TheEllenShow makes my allergies endurable.
Someone smother me with a pillow so I can stop suffering from these goddamn allergies.
.@TheEllenShow I finally got your book! Don't know why it took me so long to buy your book. Time to get some Ellen undies as well!
I hate allergies. Makes me want to rip out my sinuses and kill it with fire.
Tax Day and anniversary of the Boston bombing today. Guess today's a bad day.
Kinda want to learn sign language...but TIME IS NEEDED.
#bloodmoon? Ain't nobody got time for that!
Today's date is the same backwards.
Retweeted by jerry
The morning makes me want to throw up.
Retweeted by jerry
Ugh. School.
Ugh. It's Monday.
.@TacoBell's Snapchat story is the best thing ever. Can't wait for the new Doritos Locos Taco. Yum.
.@instagram Fix yourself please.
Yup. Really watching cat videos. Can't believe what I'm doing.…
Looking back at old tweets is the worst thing ever.
Right now, all the tweets in my feed are about food. WHY?!
Wait @andylassner, are your vaccinations up to date? ;)…