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ellendegeneres cats 6,996 followers
Help, I've fallen and I don't want to get up.
If you don't succeed at first, then quit.
"Do you like money?" "¥€$."
Don't fucking touch my pizza.
RIP Robin Williams and for us still alive, remember to seize the day, or "YOLO."
"Cute! She got fatter. Aw adorable family. Bad haircut. I wasn't invited to that. Ugh it's her birthday? I hate people" -Scrolling Facebook
Retweeted by jerry
I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise.
What do you mean thesaurus isn't a dinosaur?
"To shit, or not to shit, that is the question." @midnight #ShartQuotes
"I have a dream that my four little children will...not be judged by the color of their skin, but by..their shit." @midnight #ShartQuotes
"Everything in moderation, shit in excess." Help I have massive diarrhea right now. @midnight #ShartQuotes
If I'm not eating, I'm most likely not happy.
*drinks vodka* *gags* "Ugh I hate vodka." *drinks vodka*
"Your lips look so chapped."
98% of my brain is occupied with preparations for things that will never happen.
Retweeted by jerry
I'm naked and alone at home watching "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo." Livin' the life.
"Everyone has their off days" I tell myself 16 days in a row.
I have three moods: - 420 - 69 - 666
That moment when you find money in your pocket... and you go straight to your cheapest neighborhood whore.
I don't know about you, but I'm feeling twenty two. Whatever Taylor Swift, I'm right here feeling this fiery poo.