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jerry
ellendegeneres cats 292 followers
1 of FBI's most-wanted fugitives, accused in hammer slayings of his family, has ties to SoCal 4.nbcla.com/1ePvYKh pic.twitter.com/TUJ90X1viU
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You’'re a boob! Just tittin. You're my breast friend.
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Because I'm horny Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do
The secret of life: Kale. Thanks again @TheEllenShow.
Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. Thanks @TheEllenShow.
"@UberFacts: Artificial Raspberry flavoring is partially milked from the anal glands of beavers." Yum, I love the flavor of anus.
YAS. @TheEllenShow and @andylassner's flu shot clip resurfaced on the show. Best fearfully surprised face ever
.@TheEllenShow makes my allergies endurable.
Someone smother me with a pillow so I can stop suffering from these goddamn allergies.
.@TheEllenShow I finally got your book! Don't know why it took me so long to buy your book. Time to get some Ellen undies as well!
I hate allergies. Makes me want to rip out my sinuses and kill it with fire.
Tax Day and anniversary of the Boston bombing today. Guess today's a bad day.
Kinda want to learn sign language...but TIME IS NEEDED.
#bloodmoon? Ain't nobody got time for that!
Today's date is the same backwards.
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The morning makes me want to throw up.
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Ugh. School.
Ugh. It's Monday.
.@TacoBell's Snapchat story is the best thing ever. Can't wait for the new Doritos Locos Taco. Yum.
.@instagram Fix yourself please.
Yup. Really watching cat videos. Can't believe what I'm doing. youtube.com/watch?v=Kdgt1Z…
Looking back at old tweets is the worst thing ever.
Right now, all the tweets in my feed are about food. WHY?!
Wait @andylassner, are your vaccinations up to date? ;) youtube.com/watch?v=jHTeRT…