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ellendegeneres cats 1,188 followers
Aww, look at all my friends on Facebook with their cute little social life. NO ONE CARES. In reality, y'all are just insecure bitches.
Me and typos arr one. Damn ut. Fidamnit. GODDAMN.
It's going down, I'm yelling TINDER. Thanks for the hookup Tinder. She'll be going DOWN.
It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.
To Kill a Mockingbird...or as I like to call it "Tequila Mockingbird." P.S. There's a drunk in the book.
I shop online because I don't want to get out and interact with other humans.
Started from the bottom now we're here... still at the bottom...damn it.
I hate everyone at school and everywhere.
Accidentally crushing your own balls is the worst feeling ever because: a) it freaking hurts b) you look stupid for hurting yourself
Do what you want, what you want with my body... Unless you want to go to jail for rape.
Spilled a bunch of coffee on my backpack and people are saying it smells like coffee. Congrats. You have a nose. You can smell. Now GTFO.
Good morning! Even though it already feels like afternoon here in Los Angeles. I hate this heat.
SurrepTITiously = secretly looking at tits
.@TheEllenShow should definitely buy the @LAClippers, even if it was a joke. Better she have it than that racist bastard.
Alcoholism? Nah, it's more like drinking my favorite drink ALL THE TIME.
I want all these birds to SHUT THE FUCK UP. It's already so hot and I don't need to be pissed off even more.
New Snapchat update = sex cams
I sing so well that I am signed to a record label based in an underwater cave where the acoustics are great.
The kid who was accepted into 8 Ivy Leagues actually first announced his decision on @TheEllenShow. @CarsonDaly #DecisionDay
Dolce & Gabbana are people?!? @CarsonDaly
"What goes around...comes around." @jtimberlake You rear-ended me, and now I'm going to go around and rear end you.
'N Sync vs Backstreet Boys vs One Direction In this generation, people just want one D.
"It's gonna be MAYYY" -NSYNC