some cute fishies nibbled on my toes at the lake today 😍😻🐋
Can I move back to the dirtyburg now?
when you have expensive taste but no expendable income
"Could you wake me up in a half hour?"
*wakes up 2 hours later* 😒
Why does @ExpressRxHelp
even bother offering automatic refills if they can just randomly stop refilling your prescription? ☠
A truly magnificent photobomb
'They see me rollin'
never questioned this before but now I gotta ask, do you brush your teeth with
is an important reminder on #July4th
We, too, are America. #LangstonHughes
SHAMELESS is Just SUDDENLY on Netflix FINALLY 😀🎉
Ok Twitter- let's see if this wrestling meme can get MORE RETWEETS that the president's wrestling meme.
the bank accidentally put an extra digit on my ATM receipt
coffee does so much for us and yet asks nothing in return, we must respect the bean.
I don't start off the day hating people, it just accumulates with every asshole doing < 65mph in the left lane
can't see the haters
Thinking youre attractive but having a lot of insecurities is like having a crush on yourself but not knowing if you like yourself back
Drunk snapchatting has to be wayy worse then drunk texting. Cause the next morning you have to live with mystery of wtf u sent to people
I don't think "groundhogs" deserve such an ugly name. I prefer Land Otters
I wouldn't call myself a bad influence but rather an encourager of fun
Getting blocked by @realDonaldTrump
is the new Verified.
Happy Father's Day..
"It doesn't have to make sense I'm just gonna eat the whole kielbasa myself" - babe 😂
right after this picture was taken my phone took a dive 👍🌊 @ Bigelow Hollow State Parinstagram.com/p/BVXdmiDlJW7/
Tru Life: more bug bites than dollars
anyone who forgot to tone in and watch the Presidential Dick Sucking Contest, you missed an incredible display of flattery by the cabinet
Some dude just called me a pussy for putting on sunscreen. Imagine thinking you're tougher than the sun? The fucking sun?
This is Sebastian. He can't see all the colors of the rainbow, but he can see that this flag makes his human happy. 13/10 #PrideMonth
when babe left for work like an hour ago and I spy his wallet sitting on the counter.. classic
I forgot to get up early to binge watch all of Orange is the New Black before work so NO ONE SPOIL IT please ♥
I watched this guy dump the entire sugar container into his coffee and TBH was a little jealous I hadn't thought of that first
You know you're a piece of shit when you have to be somewhere at 7 but your still in bed by 645
made a playlist for work today and people liked it 😁🤓
Seems like "yield" in Massachusetts actually means "I'm gonna keep driving and pretend I'm not about to hit you so you better move over"
this was last week but 3RD DAY WITH THE NEW CAR a rock fell from the… instagram.com/p/BUlSJV0Foe7a…
chubby but mathematically perfect
have I mentioned that on the 3rd day of having my new car, a rock fell out of the sky and cracked my shiny new windshield? typical.
'Soooo many floaty soapy bursting balls!'
& I are wearing the same bra #trufrand
broke 300 miles in my new car today 😎 seems like only yesterday she only had 200 miles.. oh wait that was yesterday 🚓
"I wanna do cannon balls into your eyes" - Jake.
on this day, a month after his death, we buried our beloved fish Cameron Stark. May his soul rest in peace and body continue the food chain🌎
me ignoring all my problems while my life crashes and burns
this is the best thing I've seen all week
The rain has cleansed me of my sins