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Jenny Johnson
I want to see breaking news coverage from Prince George's birthday party where he shits his pants.
Happy Birthday, Asshole Baby!!! May your reign of terror continue!!! #assholebaby #cantstopwontstop #bowdown #allhail
Looks like we live in a world where people would rather watch Screech's sex tape instead of Cameron Diaz and Jason Segal's. Nighty night!!!
I like having this guy in my hallway.
The hot girl at the gym wearing make-up and matching workout attire is batshit crazy. The sweaty chick in the Hanes v-neck is the fun one.
If you live in LA and don't wanna lame ass Soul Cycle or do yoga, hit up @trinityboxing 👊
Monday boxing = Ouch @trinityboxing
"Please stop name dropping me like we're buds." - Jesus to Justin Bieber
Crystal Clear would be a badass name for an albino stripper.
I get Tiger Woods because I went to a driving range today and hit like 14 golf balls and now I'm totally in the mood for whores.
Guy in a Prius honked at me for texting at a stop sign. I can stab him with a fork, right? I mean, that's illegal.
Yesterday the Maroon 5 guy got married to the girl from the secret unders catalog. Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Maroon-Unders!!!!
Lock your doors. Hide your valuables. Asshole baby is mobile. #assholebaby
Watching 'Drop Dead Gorgeous' for the millionth time. @kirstendunst @WillSasso @EllenBarkin @kirstiealley and @AllisonBJanney kill it.
Calm the fuck down with all the hiking pictures. Some of us are still in bed patiently waiting for pizza places to open for delivery.
So many Jews, so little Methodists.... w/ @toddoren @idiotsivan @cstraussy n' me 🔯🔯🔯💒
My niece, Mabel is 3-weeks old today and I love her. #bassethoundpuppy #mabel
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
If our mom's friends only knew how awkward they make us feel with their Facebook friend requests.
Final #flashbackfriday pic with my good friend, rapper, art gallery owner, producer, comedy writer, lover of the LA Clippers and all around great dude @jensenclan88 I'm a fan.
"You say that very casually....it scares Mommy. Like BOO! AHH!...that's what sex is."