Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Create your own wall, sign in free!
Jenny Johnson
If I had a dollar for each time I did this to my sister growing up... #Astros Thanks for posting this @mrs_mac32!
Bono is gonna be really pissed off when he finds out he's not Jesus.
Listen to your kids, let them have opinions. If you don't, they'll turn into a-holes who argue with strangers in online comments sections.
BREAKING NEWS: Beyoncè photoshopped her thighs (again) on Instagram, the NFL is a giant shitshow and that plane is still missing.
I'm too immature to record this off my TV without laughing. But here ya go, @owenbenjam! #NicePants
It's fun to go up to kids waiting for the school bus and tell them how I'm gonna spend my day swimming and looking at weird shit on YouTube.
I've never met a baby named Barbara.
Rihanna is mad at CBS for taking the time to discuss domestic violence prior to last week's game instead of playing her pregame song. *sigh*
"I know that. Why wouldn't I know that? It's my company, I'm quite aware of that. Is it me? It's him, right?"
Liam Neeson would be a lot less stressed in films if he started hitting 'decline' when his phone rings.
Happy Tuesday!!! cc: @gobronson
Ray: Thx Adrian: Wut Ray: πŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ˆπŸ‘ŠπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ˆπŸ‘Š Adrian: Lol πŸ‘°πŸ‘ˆπŸ‘Š Ray: πŸ‘πŸˆπŸ» Adrian: πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ’ͺ🏈 Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson text exchange.
First time I ever read a headline about Demi Lovato where I actually clicked on it to continue reading. #YouHadMeAtFart
I thought this was going to be a bedtime article about YouPorn :(
My mom never let me get Glamour Shots because she didn't want me to look like a slutty sailor in a bad soap opera. This is my cross to bear.
Ariana Grande, Iggy Azalea and Charli XCX walk into a bar and I keep drinking because I'm 36 and have no idea who they are.
Urban Outfitters should be ashamed of selling this sweatshirt, mostly because it's butt ass ugly.
Kanye West refused to rap until a fan in a wheelchair stood up. Once he realized his mistake, he talked shit about Matt Lauer. Seriously.
"Please stop dragging me into your bullshit." - God to those NFL players/criminals
I'm gonna assume all guys who buy the iPhone 6 Plus have tiny dicks.
I don't write enough poetry to shop at Urban Outfitters.
Hot damn!!!! That's MY pal!!! BEAST!!! #JJWatt @justinjames99 #GoTexans #WeAreTexans #Houston #TEXANS
Ugh, @sterlingjonesy had a nip slip. Pull it together, girl. It's Sunday for crying out loud.
Having a lil Sunday Funday pool partaaaay. w/ @cstraussy @gilbertsantiago @idiotsivan @toddoren @deanb15 @sterlingjonesy @zachmendez @spanxbank #Hank #Birdy #Charlie
One of the highlights of #SimpsonsAtTheBowl was Hans Zimmer conducting the Gay Men's Chorus Los Angeles while they sang 'Spider Pig'.
Just when I thought the #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl couldn't get any better, I got to meet Weird Al Yankovic!!!!! @alfredyankovic
Tonight I'm going to watch @alyankovic at the #SimpsonsAtTheBowl at @HollywoodBowl and I'm pee-my-pants excited. First trip to the Bowl!
The Queen has spoken. πŸ‘‘
I ordered pizza from a new place and it sucks. Now I'm full on crappy pizza. Today was my cheat day and this 911 operator doesn't even care.
Going to The Simpsons Take The Bowl tonight!!! My first show at the Hollywood Bowl PLUS @alfredyankovic is performing!!! Say whaaaaaa?!?! #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl #StupidSexyFlanders #Spiderpig
Please don't ask me what something means or who someone is from your device which has access to the internet.
I'd love to be in the room when the Met Gala people Google 'Chinese Whispers' and realize their theme is a racist name for a childhood game.
It was announced that this year's theme for the Met Gala is 'Chinese Whispers'. If we're all quiet, we can hear that person lose their job.
WTF? Chinese Whispers??? Seriously?? The countdown to the backlash begins in 3, 2, 1.....
#NeverForget #IMissMabel
Proud to see Houston's Mayor Annise Parker supporting @bluecure during #ProstateCancerAwarenessMonth
Hey cool guy. Your thumb ring just told me you smoke pot with your mom.
Thank you @mslesliebibb for introducing me to 'Chrisley Knows Best' @Chrisley_USA I can't stop watching. @toddchrisley #PradaPatty
Remember when everyone was making a big deal about a gay guy being in the NFL?
Remember when everyone was making a big deal about a gay guy being in the NFL?
Hey Bono, The Edge, Bartles and James or whatever the other guys names are, please get your album out of my music library. Thanks.
ATLANTA!!! Go see my horrible friend @mcdonaldcomedy at @TheImprovAtl this weekend! I know!!! Ebola and now THIS??? #Fun #ShitsAndGiggles
Me n' my niece Mabel before she moved to Texas. #FlashbackFriday #IMissMabel
Most people don't realize this, but you can quietly remember September 11, 2001.