it's the most wonderful time of the year again 👸🏻💁isbGt
when you keep thinking your wedding is 8 months away but it's actually 5 weeks and you console yourself from the stress by eating 6 cupcakes
changed my username because why the fuck not i'm already legally married
some were my choice, some were not, but god damn was it a blessing in disguise. y'all are still basic af
happy father's day to my dad who doesn't go on social media
when u still celebrate the lines vines and trying times release 8 years later @joejonas @nickjonas @kevinjonas
when your man is 3k miles across the country, has his alexa app connected to your Echo, and wakes you up with love songs 😭#idontdeservehim
if it's wrong to feel just as happy now listening to year 3000 as i was when i was younger then fuck it i am so wrong
"allison how've you been? are you doing ok?" *stares through my entire soul while i say i've literally been fine but they don't believe me*
i hate when people ask how i'm doing and they just stare at me like i'm supposed to break down and fall into their arms. feck.
today was such a hard day. and here's to the next excruciating 8 weeks 😢🍻
donald trump is now everyone's president. it happened.
my god if anyone else wants to die this year you only have 3 days left to get it in
psa: nobody gives a shit how soft and comfy your lularoe pants are. no one.
wtf does shook even mean like can everyone stop being shook because you sound stupid and illiterate as fuck "im shook" wow he is shook wow
also i forgot to add, if you're really gonna trick me, add other people from my city, not filipinos. #clapback
OH, and one last thing. make sure that when you use someone's profile picture, that it's tied to one persons account, not like 3. dumbass.
oh and don't expect for me to not look up where u work either, i know ur not from florida and work for a company that doesn't sell to the US
maybe next time u decide to catfish me u can make the profile before november 14, add all the pics, education, and work all at random
because my upstairs neighbors literally make me want to slash their tires right now
can you call 911 on people who wont stop having sex and moaning all morning????
FYI generalizing trump supporters as racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. makes you just as bad as the person you're claiming to hate so much
i told myself i wouldn't stoop to this level and tweet or remotely talk about this election online, but here i am. and now here i go. see ya
case is closed. think about what you can do to better yourself instead of belittle others purely based on their right to voice their opinion
this literally screams soccer mom/granny, but i dont care. dont be a fucking asshole because people dont agree with your *personal* opinions
Growing up, i was told to never talk about money, religion, and politics. How come no one else was?
i'd rather listen to the apple pen song for like 8 years than him jackrabbit'ing his fucking booty calls for 4 minutes
HEY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR U HAVE A REALLY GREAT SEX LIFE I CAN TELL BECAUSE I HEAR IT EVERY FUCKING (literally) NIGHT JESUS CHRIST SHUT UP
who the fuck..
when i look at some of my recent instagram followers
on that note: it's a hurricane, not the damn purge. chill out.
if I could come up with a better situation than waiting on a hurricane and watching scary movies with my hubs then I would. but I can't.
it's ok tho I'll sit here and not have my wedding planned yet while thirsty hoes are out there trying to drink from a dripping faucet 😘
less than a year until my wedding and I still haven't planned anything because I am an actual savage
roses by outkast is everything I've ever said about any hoe that didn't put respeck on my name #caroline #shesthereasonforthewordbitch
New year, new relationship status ☺️💍a
you know you're a cat lady when you set up your iPhone TouchID to allow your cat to unlock your phone with her paw. #itactuallyworkstho
if ur friends with someone who drives a prius u should probs stop being friends with them bc they probs talk shit about u
u know ur antisocial when u follow raccoons on Instagram instead of ppl u know
one perk about being able to make my own decisions is that I can take the elevator without my mother telling me I need to take the stairs
whatever I don't give a shit about them at least I was the one who turned out normal lol #idontwastemoneyonshittybandsanymoreeither
then I remember all the girls who I used to be friends with who are all still fangirls. particularly the ones who "cut me off" from them lol
also I often ask myself why I have over 65,000 tweets. then I remember I was a fangirl.
and they're claiming Starbucks is taking the "christ" out of "christmas"? oh I didn't know your holidays revolved around fucking coffee cups
maybe I'm just ignorant but are religious people seriously not going to Starbucks anymore because they removed designs from the red cups?
pretty sure the underlying reason why I actually go and talk to my therapist is bc of the Jonas brothers breakup tbh they ruined my life