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It's time to go to bed and get some late night tinder matches
I want a booty so good that my soul gets caught in it #DrunkConfessions
I'm pretty sure my soulmate is @justicenbd
Getting drunk and tweeting is hard work, but somebody's gotta do it
I can't stop thinking about that one girl that I made out with that one time #DrunkConfessions
I send dick pics on the daily
This car reeks of regrets and broken dreams
Can you feel the sexually tension in my tweets?
I have forsaken my followers
Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough
One day you're going to see things my way
Sorry i haven't tweeted in a while. My job doesn't understand I need alcohol to inspire my tweets
I'm crushing really hard on oomf
My dick is so big that when my nudes were released they had to come out in volumes. Collect all 12
How come when my nudes leaked on the internet no one cared
I'm going to marry the white girl with all black friends I can feels it
@TheFunnyVine: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO” I don't retweet often but when I do.
I just saw Jennifer Lawrence's nudes and it looks like she can catch more than just fire.
Shout out to those girls that are still willing to go down on a nigga in this 100 degree heat
I'm very concerned about the total lack of diversity on #CMT
I don't do side chicks. Not because I'm a guy who respects women, but because I've never had a main chick #sadboysclub
Girls who do blow are 60% more likely to blow you as well
I have to fart so bad but it's nap time up in this bitch and everyone would hear me if I do
Is it me or is a woman's bathroom the most discussing place on the face of the earth?
Throw that ass in a circle
Let's do drugs and make mistakes
Nowadays, if it doesn't have a full HD display, high speed internet, or it can kill you, kids just aren't interested.
Dating profile headline: I like long walks on the beach if that's where we're going to have sex.
Who is up for a round of duck, duck, goose?
I like to start my Saturdays with a hot coffee and a "Oh god what the fuck did I do last night."
Relationship Status: Hoping to get frisked at the door of this club I'm about to walk into.
My grammar skills are seriously lacking at the moment
If you've never had to the roll a window down w/ pliers then you don't know anything about the struggle
Throwback Thursday to that time when I used to have sex. #tbt
If you can't tell, I'm somewhat of an alcoholic
I have important issues to deal with... That is why I drink.
I drink my beers like they're going to expire 5 mins after opening it.
A bird almost pooped on me, but then I remembered that bird poop is good luck. So I smeared it all over my body. Does that still count?
That's it, from now I'm ending every telephone conversation with the words "party on."