Just love watching all these rednecks on Duck Dynasty
Two interesting facts about me:
1) My knob is the same length as 2 Argos pens.
2) I'm now banned from Argos.
1. To dance in a sexual suggestive manner using the hips.
2. Where Yorkshiremen go every day to earn a living.
Favoriting someone's tweet to show you have no intentions of carrying on the conversation.
I wonder if in Africa they have 'Lynx England' that smells of cigarettes and disappointment.
Nothing says "I’m ginger" quite like a black and white profile picture.
"He's 12 months old"
1..... Your child is fucking 1.
£250 for a Drake ticket? Just hold on we're staying home.
Swallowing an apple pip as a child and living with the fear that a tree will start growing inside you.
BEWARE: smoking weed can have dangerous side effects, such as never shutting the fuck up about the fact you smoke weed
Decaff coffee is like sex without an orgasm
What do you mean my life isn't balanced? I spend 2 hours sleeping, 8 hours in work, and 14 hours on Tumblr.
Someone bring me a kfc and I'll love you forever. I'll even repay you In cuddles.
Snapchat me @ jamiehardaker1
Today is a lazy movies in bed kinda day.
I never really liked my name much until I found out what it tastes like when you sigh it into my mouth.
long distance relationships aren’t so bad if ur dick is long enough 2 reach ur girl hahaha swag
Everybody wants to be a cat
Someone give me attention. I'm bored.
You want a piece of the fuzzy peach
Note to self: menthol smokes and orange juice do not mix.
A bicycle is an acoustic version of a motorbike
I hope I start my hot person phase soon.
Just opened the 3rd door of my advent calendar, wasn't expecting Tom Daley to come out.
Just got a Christmas card filled with rice,
I think it was from uncle Ben!
Bitch please, Your bra has more stuffing than Adele's turkey at christmas time..
You can’t just make me different and then leave
Good news for insomniacs, No more sleeps till Christmas.
Buying someone a cactus for Christmas just to remind them they're a prick.
Raise your hand if you are scared shitless about the future yet couldn’t care less at the same time
How to play sims
1. take 2 hours making character
3. Fuck every single person
It took me 18 years to realise Saturday has turd in it
Get your tits out, get ready to flap your willy in the wind , according to Souncloud. ...cheers
My tumblr dash is making me proper horny. Ffs.
People should come see me at the dalesway tonight okay
Good to see Keane back in the charts, even if it is like no. 36 or something. Nostalgia.
I've drunk so much orange juice over the past few days I have managed to develop an ulcer, acidyyyy
I think I saw you in my sleep darling
Sex is cool but have you ever had garlic bread?
My friendship comes in 3 levels:
3) inappropriate sexual humor.
Logical that I sleep after all the breakfast TV...
Everyone's going mental over this Black Friday at Asda. Louise rushed out of the house at 7am to get a new TV.....
14 hour shift will commence on Saturday, bring on the pennies for xmas booze.
First thing I do when I get home is get homes under the hammer on. Not go to sleep before work. Life priorities.
Getting fed up with my amazing messed up sleeping patterns now...