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Not Will Ferrell
*Me during a math test* My answer = 31 Answer choices: 160, 199, 364, 462 Me: Well 170 is closest to 31, so that must be the answer.
I’m so naturally funny because my life is a joke.
Me having a nice romantic dinner with the bae
When someone starts playing with my hair:
Ohhh Tinder, you make me laugh.
A girl tweeted "U might be ghetto if u bring outside food into the movies!" No, you might be stupid if you pay $5.99 for a bag of Skittles.
You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
Oh man, these Halloween costumes are priceless...…
I refuse to open Snapchat videos in public because I do not trust my friends at all.
School is easy. It's like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire and you're on fire and everything is on fire and you're in Hell.
This is the only cake I want for my birthday
Do you ever just make up scenarios in your head that will never happen but it makes you so happy so you just keep on imagining them?
2014 is almost over and… -I lost no weight -Didn't learn anything -Haven't saved any money -Still ugly
When a girl says "lol have fun" do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
Aaaand this is why Tinder makes me laugh, people like this…
It may only be number 5 on the menu, but it's number 1 in my heart
That moment when you lose your stingray, but then find it again
He forgot to put the water in his noodles 😂
Dear girls who wear too much makeup, You like you got gang banged by Crayola...…
Only the devil himself could come up with something like this
When a teacher looks at you trying cheat so you sit there like
“Will you guys shut the hell up, I’m trying to sleep!”
If you park like any of these idiots, I hate you...…
Hate when this happens. It’s like, c'mon eraser, you had ONE job…
When you can’t really tell if someone is into you or not