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Not Will Ferrell
Blondes may have more fun, but brunettes do it better 😈
Retweeted by Not Will Ferrell
Me: Please don't notice me. Me: Please don't notice me. Me: Please don't notice me. Me: Please don't notice me. Person: HEEYYY!! Me: …shit.
When someone you don't like tries telling a joke: pic.twitter.com/rU9BmaYgYb
I'm just a sarcastic bastard who loves to sleep and eat.
And the idiot of the year award goes to... bit.ly/X3uuDm
If you don’t get this then we can’t be friends: pic.twitter.com/zMRp1mrkqL
I like a song. I download it. I listen to it a million times and then I hate it.
Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?!" Me: "Gravity, mom."
If you tickle my feet, I am not responsible for what happens to your face.
Wtf. This takes the term "tree house" to a whole new level, where were these during my childhood, damn... bit.ly/1qS6kXo
When the person in front of you is walking really slow: pic.twitter.com/h3dJy1TkNN
Nice spelling mistake dummies, awkward... bit.ly/1D08smh
That moment when your phone doesn’t have signal, and you’re like pic.twitter.com/gfNFUvSLsb
Sharks are a lot less scary when they have human teeth, hilarious examples... bit.ly/1rP5Fnl
RIP to those who lost their life in the World Trade Center on September 11. You won't be forgotten. #911anniversary pic.twitter.com/FBUFg0iH8u
I'm not saying you should cheat on a test, but damn these kids are genius at doing it... bit.ly/1qKBKQY
If my mom had Twitter, every one of my tweets would be like pic.twitter.com/6q5xhdsJ1r
Famous movies recast with dogs, who did this? I'm dead... bit.ly/1pPjLnd
No, cough syrup, you are not "grape flavored." Have you ever tasted a grape? You taste like death and the tears of small children. Not grape
This is proof that Marilyn Monroe was the full package: bit.ly/1lVNGz3
Retweeted by Not Will Ferrell
Teacher: Where is your homework? Me: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in school.
Whenever someone calls "shotgun" I just yell "Rosa Parks!', and then sit in their seat and refuse to move.
Alrighty here's the breakdown of the new iPhone 6, all the features and stuff, looking pretty crazy... bit.ly/WIHoGO
Cute things to call your girlfriend: 1. sugar 2. honey 3. flour 4. egg 5. 1/2 lb butter 6. stir 7. pour into pan 8. preheat to 375°
Siri will do your math problems for you. Mind = Blown! You’re welcome students. pic.twitter.com/9FSkRgIMHx
Apple has released their list of new exclusive accessories, some of these are unreal: bit.ly/1qdP4y3
Retweeted by Not Will Ferrell
#iPhone6plus: The only time you’ll ever hear a woman complain that 5.5 inches is too big.
$900 for an iPhone 6? Airplane mode better take me on vacation.
Well, it looks like someone had a big bowl of bitchflakes today.
This has to be the greatest reunion photo of all time: pic.twitter.com/pZC3kM5sxJ