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Not Will Ferrell
*Me during a math test* My answer = 31 Answer choices: 160, 199, 364, 462 Me: Well 170 is closest to 31, so that must be the answer.
I’m so naturally funny because my life is a joke.
Me having a nice romantic dinner with the bae pic.twitter.com/m3Y86bBbpw
When someone starts playing with my hair: pic.twitter.com/7gRJQyzXyf
Ohhh Tinder, you make me laugh.
A girl tweeted "U might be ghetto if u bring outside food into the movies!" No, you might be stupid if you pay $5.99 for a bag of Skittles.
You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
Oh man, these Halloween costumes are priceless... cards.twitter.com/cards/18ce53w6…
I refuse to open Snapchat videos in public because I do not trust my friends at all.
School is easy. It's like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire and you're on fire and everything is on fire and you're in Hell.
This is the only cake I want for my birthday pic.twitter.com/GCPhGxVV9b
Do you ever just make up scenarios in your head that will never happen but it makes you so happy so you just keep on imagining them?
2014 is almost over and… -I lost no weight -Didn't learn anything -Haven't saved any money -Still ugly
When a girl says "lol have fun" do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
Aaaand this is why Tinder makes me laugh, people like this cards.twitter.com/cards/18ce53w6…
It may only be number 5 on the menu, but it's number 1 in my heart pic.twitter.com/UAmgrMTPc1
That moment when you lose your stingray, but then find it again pic.twitter.com/RmSTh2nALN
He forgot to put the water in his noodles 😂pic.twitter.com/rJfJiWXGeVV
Dear girls who wear too much makeup, You like you got gang banged by Crayola... cards.twitter.com/cards/18ce53w6…
Only the devil himself could come up with something like this pic.twitter.com/ySDjOTq2CN
When a teacher looks at you trying cheat so you sit there like pic.twitter.com/dTDJpnpPmE
“Will you guys shut the hell up, I’m trying to sleep!” pic.twitter.com/1ADZJl8eQb
If you park like any of these idiots, I hate you... cards.twitter.com/cards/18ce53w6…
Hate when this happens. It’s like, c'mon eraser, you had ONE job… pic.twitter.com/K5MIZiJ2tz
When you can’t really tell if someone is into you or not pic.twitter.com/BOWrfJSxtD