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Teef again...
They call him Teef Keef...
You can't make me believe there's a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Can you find him?
It keeps going...
It's refreshing that after years of scraping by with just millions of dollars, struggling musicians like Paris Hilton can get record deals.
For when all that Bird calling gets rough .... Brrrr
... Miguel...
Hair and Happy Meals... #Ratchetness
Instructions for having an adventure:
1. Stand outside restaurant.
2. Wait for someone to ask if you're the valet.
3. Say yes...
My girlfriend found lipstick in my pocket last night. I straight up told her I was cheating... No way was I gonna confess I sell AVON
Tiger Woods & Sergio Garcia have beef with each other...This is the gayest male fight since Drake banged Chris Brown's boyfriend.
The Oakland Raiders have signed free agent defensive back Charles Woodson.
pic.twitter.com/WywO9UST2m #Seriously Tan or get your teeth whitened. But only one of those...
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me. Assholes...
I order the special everyday...
Sorry Sprint... Not this month...
Watch out for it... #RapeSloth
No matter what you do, you haven't truly made it until a government helicopter lands on your lawn and they need your expertise immediately.
I feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together...
The Worst Feeling: Seeing a police car make a U-turn behind you.
And it Continues...
when you write a word and it looks wrong but it’s right and you just sit there and contemplate life...
Hakuna Matata Drake...
Not a damn thang...
When you see it...
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
Dating sites should have a section for people to leave a review for the person they went out with.
BLOCK, DRAKE... BLOCK!!!...
The new #Miguel's are out...
You recognize her... Don't even try and deny it...
My dad always told me to never hurt a girls feelings.
But how else are they supposed to get the practice?
The struggle is real... #DontJudgeMe
My girlfriend and her mom say more in one phone conversation to each other than my dad and I have in my entire life.
Kind of wish I didn't choose the thug life, everyone's really mean.
I was just there for lunch...
Drake bowling 260 right now...
Case of the Mondays??
Just think about how this morning is going for the girl that Miguel drop kicked last night..... Feeling better yet?
when you write a word and it looks wrong but it’s right and you just sit there and contemplate life
Remember, Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks.
I'm weird, but I'm not "wait outside a courthouse awaiting a verdict on a case that I'm not involved with" weird.
And you better act like it too...
Someone should have told Miguel that you can't get a good running start with church shoes on...
#LongJumpFail #BillboardAwards 
Even Drake felt sorry for that girl...
#Miguel with the leg drop...
Drake like.. HOMERUN!
Never cross your feet Drake...
Dammit Miguel. #BillboardAwards