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its Topsy Kretts
Just completed a 5.56 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! #RunKeeper
Just completed a 2.54 mi run - Real quick sprint before work. I'll make up for it tomorrow. #RunKeeper
Just completed a 4.26 mi run - Ist time running with the weight vest. Only at night from now on. The ... #RunKeeper
#FathersDay is a special day in a NBA player's life when he reflects on his 9 kids while getting a beej from an 18-year old named Sin-A-Bun
Just completed a 3.15 mi run - Today was a speed workout of light poles. Sprint 5,walk 5. Of course ... #RunKeeper
Just completed a 5.38 mi run - Looking ugly. But someone has to put in the hard work. #RunKeeper
People in love use phrases like "takes my breath away" and "swept me off my feet". I think they're confusing love with attempted murder.
Hey there lady at #WalMart, you either need shorter titties or a longer shirt.
Why is everyone saying 4/20, 1/5 is the proper fraction.
Fact: Cadbury Creme eggs are filled with genuine rabbit semen. #HAPPYCHOCOLATEDAY 
So you will suck a dick but won't drink tap water? #ThatsIronic
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping FUCK YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
The #AwkwardMoment when 2 pedophiles talk to each other on Facebook pretending to be kids, & meet up somewhere
"Don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for a condom company.
According to this restraining order it is NOT appropriate to say "I know" and wink when the HR lady says "I ...
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
In high school I was voted "least likely to have a date for our 20 year reunion". I guess they didn't count on my Mom still being alive.
You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, KIK, Instagram and Snapchat, but for God's sake, don't ever talk to me in real life.
The difference between being an astrologer and a pervert is merely the angle of your telescope.
Walmart pokes holes in the condoms to ensure customer retention
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
how much can't could a white girl can't even if a white girl literally could not even.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don't know how to play chess.
Turns out these candy hearts are just Plan B pills with "eat me" written on them in Sharpie.
Show her you care by grabbing anything off the CVS shelf with a heart on it.